


Irina's Diary

by Storyteller_In_The_Rain



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, M/M, POV Original Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-08-22 08:35:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 74
Words: 46,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16594499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_In_The_Rain/pseuds/Storyteller_In_The_Rain
Summary: Irina had just freed herself from her dad, and now lost on what to do of her life, she decides to approach her beloved brother, with who she never talked again since she was 4 years old.





	1. 0 - The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I thought would be nice to see a bit of Victor's backstory (I didn't know about the movie haha) and have fun with others characters too. Please read this story thinking in it as occurring together with the anime, excepting in the end. ^^

There were quick steps in the hallway. Sound steps made by short high heels and a lot of determination. The steps stopped in front of a huge and cold door.

She knocked, a voice called her inside. Inside the room, a man with silver hair glared at her, mad.

\- I will manage things by myself now. I am fluent in one more language, that is enough, so I don't need to obey you anymore. - she said sharply.  
\- You can't do anything on your own. - he answered without moving an inch.  
\- That is what you think. To begin with, I know very well how YOU need me. So if you want my help, you will let me free. Simple right? Then your business will end well.

His face twisted listening to this. A huge pause happened between them. Was not easy to let her go. Several years passed since he began to control her activities. She was four then. It was not her fault, but he couldn't tolerate that she might or not follow the footsteps of that man.

He sighed.

\- Alright, do what you will. There is nothing more important than you being useful t-  
\- You mean me being essential. - she smiled in a way no young adult should know.  
\- …… Yes, whatever. - He admitted and turned his back on her.

She left the room, ran down the stairs, opened the front door and started to run. There are not many indescribable things in this world for her, but the feeling of this moment, running down a hill, in a so not ladylike manner, she couldn't explain.


	2. 1

In the Grand Pix final, I... well...

I woke up early, I was really excited after all. I wasn’t allowed to watch my brother earlier, so I was REALLY happy.  
Even if, in a happier world, my dad allowed me to do whatever I wanted, I just… I just couldn't bring myself to see him. I mean… I don't even know if he remembers me. Besides if his sister appeared suddenly in a competition, it would probably be a total mess. So as usual, I disguised myself.  
I stayed in front of a mirror and fixed my long hair on a bun. Dressed a black beanie with two parts sticking out that look like cat ears (a present from a stupid friend) and a big sunglasses, also used a huge red scarf. Come on! Was perfect!

Arriving there, Chris found me immediately... don't understand why.

\- WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?! - he shouted at me, pulling me to a staff room. - YOU ALWAYS COME LIKE THIS! WHY?  
\- I am disguised.  
\- Like hell you are! Your hair is falling out of your beanie! Any person here could recognize your absolutely beautiful facial traits that are just like his!  
\- What? I don't look like him! But, yeah, these were a mistake.  
\- …. Irina, look yourself at the mirror.

I looked, I could see my hair down to my hips, a troubled expression with blue eyes and silver eyelashes, just like his. Yeah, ok, that is similar… and maybe my nose…

\- Ok, fine, I admit.  
\- I will help you. - Chris started to bind my hair. - but… darling, why are you hiding today? You called me saying that wasn't needed anymore…  
\- …………… - I couldn't say that I was scared.

Chris didn't say anything and carefully took care of my hair and made a makeup. I suddenly felt so sad and stupid. He held up my chin and smiled gently at me like he was saying I could do things at my pace. I felt my face burning lightly and nodded looking away. I always get embarrassed when people guess my feelings and, for God sake, Chris is a hell of a man. But gay, hell of a diva.

We stood up, my heart started racing immediately. I walked like a robot to the stand, before I noticed I had been in the same spot without sitting. I put a hand on my heart and breathed deeply. Focus, Irina, focus! See who are on the ice now!

It was a Japanese guy… his performance was really… beautiful… but he fell over and over. I felt sorry for him.

\- Hey! Stalker.

I looked back already pissed. Yuri.

\- Hey… kitten. - I smiled. I could see the fire in his eyes.

Sitting by my side, he chooses to say nothing. Well, we definitely did spend hours offending each other once. Not a very productive pair, are we? When he is quiet I remember how we are childhood friends, even me being older.

\- Why you have this? - he asked pointing at my hand, I was holding the beanie. I blushed.  
\- I thought I could disguise myself with it… Ah! How did you recognize me?  
\- I know you for too long, don't even waste your time trying. - I blushed a little more. - but I didn't mean that, why did you keep it?  
\- You gave me, can't I keep it? - he blushed.  
\- O-of course! Stupid, stalker! - oh… he tires me SO much.

The public screamed my brother name. I forgot everything. Every time Victor enters in the ice, the world stops a little.

It ended in a second for me. I think that someone tried to call me, but I was thinking so hard. Victor is so amazing, my heart hurts… I can't see him yet. I just can't, I must leave!

I felt so scared, so so scared. At some point, I could breathe again.

“I WILL leave!”, I thought.

You see, Diary, I always run away from my brother. I know that he feels guilty, I don't want to make him sad. So I tried to escape without anyone seeing. I guess coming here for the first timing able to speak with him without hiding made my head strange. But… when I was leaving, I saw the Japanese guy. He was really worn out, his eyes were red. I could sense rage and sorrow altogether.

\- Hmm… Hello! - I tried. He looked at me surprised and hid his face. But I decided to speak to him anyway. - You see, when we start feeling really overwhelmed by everything, the best we can do is breathe. But if this doesn't work… just drink a lot for a day and forget everything that binds you. - I laughed and he laughed too, his head still hidden.  
\- Thank you, I will remember that. 

I felt better and walked away. Actually, didn't he had to go to a party after that? ……. I hope everything ends well.


	3. 2

\- Hello? Irina, you know where is Victor? - That is how my day began. Was Yuri.  
\- No… I don't. Why?  
\- That bastard is missing.  
\- MISSING? - he hung up in my face.

Noooooooooooo, brother, what happened?! Shit. I started to think of possibilities… maybe he was kidnapped? No, no one would do this to a national hero, besides he isn't the heir of the company anymore and my father wouldn't give a coin for saving him, everybody knows that they are at least in bad terms. Probably people are too afraid of him to search around and tell the world about me, for example.

SHIIIIT, what happened?!! I’m not thinking straight at all… The phone rang:

\- Irina-  
\- WHAT?! - was Chris on the phone then.  
\- Do you kno-  
\- No! I don't!  
\- Calm down, he is probably fine…  
\- NOOOO, I am too worried!  
\- Hahahaha! - he started laughing.  
\- …. Why are you laughing?  
\- Because you are being ridiculous, darling. Stop that. Victor is stupid, probably went do something crazy for himself after that Japanese guy danced his program.  
\- Hmm?  
\- Yeah, I mean, you noticed he was feeling bad recently, right? - I stood up, and got serious.  
\- Yes, I did… and yes, I also realized that he was always searching for Japanese people on competitions recently.  
\- Wow, you really are a stalker.  
\- S-s-shut up! - my face shine red in my room.  
\- Anyway, Victor is REALLY stupid, so soon enough he will expose himself somewhere.

Some days of pure agony later, I was tired of checking every single news and social media. My phone rings again.

\- Irina… - Chris again, his voice is hesitant.  
\- ……. Oh please don't tell me.  
\- Yuri is missing too.  
\- “?@”¥÷£€+¥#+#£¥#?’¥£+#?8+0#89!+£¥;# THAT FUCKING LITTLE BRAT. Wait.  
\- What?  
\- Yuri is even dumber than Victor. He will expose himself right now.

I check my phone, and HA there! Japan huh? Stupid, his localization is active. Wow, but he REALLY IS STUPID. Ah… this photo of my brother I didn't see… Hasetsu? How did I miss that? … Maybe I was too tired already. I thought someone would never take a photo and post it like this when hiding from the world. Yuri manages to be worse, but, Jesus, brother! Don't know what to say.

\- Chris, I am going to Japan!  
\- You can't!  
\- Why?  
\- Why?! Because you don't have the courage to speak to your brother until now!  
\- …………. Ok… I hate myself.  
\- Well, I like you very much. You should like too. - that hit me hard and made me more guilty for giving him so much trouble.  
\- …. Chris, don't you get tired of me being like this?  
\- Girl, you are smart and beautiful as hell, even if I don't swing that way I know. You are sweet and caring, you notice even the smallest detail and try to help people. In general, you face anything head on. You are great, relax. But, yeah, is really a pain when you panic. Why don't you spend more time trying to be who you want to be and stop running? I would appreciate that.  
\- ………. - determination suddenly came to me, thanks to him. - Chris! I will face Victor in preliminaries of Grand Pix.  
\- Hmmmm?  
\- See, Victor is in love with that Japanese, right?  
\- Wha- - he choked. - how do you know?  
\- Who would go for the other side of the world to meet someone for other reason? - If there is really any other reasonable motivation, please tell me, God. - Actually, this is really romantic, huh? Anyway, looking now, on the net, this guy, Yuri Katsuki, has been on a bad moment, so Victor will probably want him to make a come back. - I said while looking at my notebook about this guy.  
\- Wait! WAIT! How do you know that Tasty Yuri will correspond him?  
\- Please… We are talking about my brother, who would resist him? And what a horrible nickname!  
\- True.  
\- What do you think of this Yuri?  
\- Hmm… Nice butt.  
\- CHRIS!  
\- What?  
\- Jesus… As PERSON!  
\- Don't ask difficult stuff… All I know is that I have to resist his butt, but I won't be able to.  
\- Gosh… Whatever… Victor will be with him at the preliminaries, and I will face him! I swear.  
\- And why are so sure about it? Maybe he will take more time to-  
\- Oh, please. Don't underestimate my brother!


	4. 3

Some days later is announced a battle between Yuris. I would like to see what will happen more closely, but I can't. I decided to face my brother, so I listed some things I will need for that. First, I will end quickly the father's “business”.

In a hall there were people from different countries, my role was to play the part of the stupid rich girl who speaks no languages besides Russian and English. For this I was in a cute and really expensive pinkish dress and elaborate hairstyle, I put on my innocent mask and reacted childishly about things... This way people would talk freely with me close by. Yeah, I guess nobody would think that I, a typical super rich girl, could understand 10 languages and 7 dialects. After some hours I had already listened to several unending disgusting chats, I went to my room, saying I was tired, so I could write everything down. Finally, I handed this trash to the employee most trusted of my father together with a note saying “Hope you are satisfied with this”. 

That day I spent the night in my bed, facing the pillow and hugging my huge bear plushie. This bear is getting so filthy… I hugged it so many times until now… I wonder if Victor remembers it… NO, CONCENTRATE, no thoughts about him for a while.

Next step

After getting rid of dad, I decided to train really hard on my most beloved hobby. It always makes me more confident in myself. This time the idea was getting so confident that I could scream his name in a stage! Alright, let's do this!

I made a really well-fixed ponytail, wore a tank sleeve with a hood, shorts and a good tennis. Then I went to the campus of my university before dawn like always. There is nothing more amazing than running. Running and running, while the sky changes colors. I arrived at the athletic field at 4 o'clock. It was absurdly cold, I was wearing almost nothing so soon during spring, but it didn't matter, because when I run my body heats like in fever. Today I ran so, so much that I just remember falling in the ground feeling nauseous and with pain in the lungs, the sun hot in my back. It was awesome... the colors felt just like my feelings, uncertain and always changing. I guess putting all your life energy in your body and spending it without any seconds thoughts is what makes this so good. I am fine, Victor looks less scary. My body hurts a lot more than my fears.

Next step

Katsuki won the Japanese competition, of course. He is the best after all. I passed this whole time thinking about HOW to approach Victor, I mean… Even if I want to talk with him, it doesn't mean he does too. Maybe he feels guilty, maybe he would think I'm too much trouble… Well, I wrote down a whole notebook, called “Victor Reactions and My Should Be Reactions”. YES, I am really extreme. When I ended the last possibility, I heard on the TV that the interview about Katsuki's competition theme would start. 

I thought that I should watch and… Wow, this Yuri is really a cute guy. His love is so obvious and sincere… but I get the feeling that if confronted up close he would deny it. And blush! Should do that one day!

Ok, now! Last step! Memorizing all this shit I wrote!


	5. 4

Was decided that the Japanese would compete in China. Finally China. GOD, I AM NERVOUS! SHIT, I am trembling! No, I can't! Ok, calm down. Look to the sky, remember the colors of dawn, everything will be fine! Let's repeat the possibilities, one by one. This was how I walked in the airport until the hotel, speaking Russian alone, looking like a total crazy girl. Chris was on another flight and was resting tonight. I couldn't relax at all, so decided to go eat something.

I sat on a table alone and asked in Chinese what was the best dish they had. I needed to think about something else, so good food might be nice. Then I heard the LAST thing I would want to.

\- Look, Yuri! Xangai’s crab, drunk shrimp, duck’s blood! Vkusno! - ha… ha… AHHHHHHHHH NOO. 

BEHIND MY BACK, DON'T TELL ME!

\- Yuri, won't you eat? - Oh my God. 

I think my mind broke. Should I speak with him now? I mean now? Here?

\- Ah, Yuri!

Oh, good, now there are even more people here… how would I appear? Like: “Hi, here at this dinner I, the missing sister, would like to make a reunion with my lost brother! Could you excuse us?”

No, never, not happening. I must leave!

\- Here, your dish, miss,  
\- Oh, thank you! - I should eat I guess...

In the other table:

\- Can I call Ciao Ciao? - “More people?” I thought and looked at my back. Annnd. My. Fuckig. GOD. That boy is cute, so cute! Shit, where is he from? Hell, not the time to be impressed! They will notice me!

"Thinking better now my hair calls too much attention! The boy may notice me like this…" so I shrank. Oh, I hate this situation, I can hear Victor way too close.

\- Ciao Ciao.

Ok, four people… I will keep eating and LEAVE.  
…… Uh, Victor's voice is getting kind of… 

\- Celestino! Let's do a drinking competition!  
\- A WHAT? - everyone asked and myself included. I put a hand over my mouth.

Please don't notice meeeee….

\- LET'S DO IT. - Celestino answered. We are Russian Celestino, there is no way for you to win!  
\- Please, guys, don't do this. - the Japanese asked in a really tiny voice.  
\- Hahahahaha totally wanna see this! - cute guy, NO! - I called Leo and Guang Hong.

More people?? Ok! Finished my food… now is just call- …. What if I call the waiter and they notice me? No, I am too paranoid… Look! The Cute Guy (new nickname) is filming the duel, Celestino and Victor won't stop laughing and drinking and Yuri gave up all hope and is with his hands on his face. There is no way they would pay attention to me. Ok, now!

When I was going to lift my arm.

\- Urgh! I won't give up. - That “urgh” felt terribly close to throwing up, Celestino.  
\- Ahahahahahahaha, TOO HOT in here! - Victor stood up and stripped!

He did what? Yes, Diary, HE STRIPPED. MY BROTHER, IN FRONT OF ME. You see, I never spoke to him, but now I already saw him topless. Nice huh? NOT NICE AT ALL, CAN I UNSEE IT?

Shit! I forgot to call the waiter! Now! If I stay here for too long will be even more difficult later.

\- Hi… guys? - the last two arrived.  
\- Sorry, Victor drunk too much. - Said Yuri with Victor in his neck. Oh, brother please STOP!

I started blushing and felt like burning. 

\- Let's go to an onsen! - Said Victor. But you just said that here is too hot! And now you want to be in an onsen?  
\- Celestino, hang on! - and CG (cute guy) takes… a photo?? NO! HELP HIM! He passed out! 

Boys… SIT DOWN! I need to pass next to you! I wanna leave! Oh my, they look so scared! Poor of ALL of us. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! VICTOR, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
I put money on the table, don't know how much, but plenty. And stood up to run. And in that instant…

\- Haha! Look! That girl looks like me, doesn't she?

…………………………………………………………………….. Ah……… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! IT'S OVER!

\- Do you guys know I have a sister? - I stopped and couldn't leave. - Maybe she looks like this girl...  
\- Don't you know her? - Yuri asked, confused.  
\- No, and better not. - my heart hurt listening to that, brother….

I started running….. Running and running.


	6. 5

I arrived at Chris room at full speed slamming the door.

\- CHRISSSSS!!!  
\- AHHHH WHAT? - He woke up. - I was sleeping and I am with a huge HEADACHE!  
\- AAAHHHHHHH - I fell into the floor and kept crying and screaming.  
\- Stooooop! I beg you! - he sat with his hands on his face.  
\- NOOOOOO! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!  
\- AND WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?!!

…… after telling him everything…

\- Holy shit! Show me photos!  
\- CHRIS!  
\- WHAT?!  
\- Oh, whatever, is on Instagram.  
\- YES, THANK YOU, PHICHIT!   
\- Phichit?   
\- Yeah, the cute boy you mentioned. Weren't you supposed to know everything?  
\- Even I have more things to do! Phichit, huh…  
\- Uhh... haha! He caught your eye!  
\- No, no, no!  
\- Hahahahahahahahah! Ouch ouch - he started laughing a lot and at the same time put his hands on his head because it probably hurt.

I picked a pillow and tried to suffocate him (kidding of course) and he laughed even more. Then he hugged me suddenly, I screamed startled, but he started petting my head.

\- You see, Victor is not good with words, he doesn't manage well feelings of anybody, not even his… He can think that is better not to meet you. But he is wrong, ok?  
\- How can you be so sure?  
\- Girl, don't underestimate ME! - and I laughed.


	7. 6

In the next day, I was leaned on the table of the cafeteria on the stadium. Tired. I had to think about ways to meet Victor. But anything I thought looked awfully awkward.

I sighed and rested my head on my hands while looking around. Suddenly I saw the cute boy from before, suddenly I realized that I was following him with my eyes. Shit! I can't have a crush on him. I will tell you something, I have a horrible luck with boys. Every single one was gay, and I mean, he probably is too.

…. But….. He is so… Ah shit.

Just in case I went the opposite way of his in search for Chris, really absent-minded. In a certain moment, I stopped and tried to focus, only then I heard a voice.

\- Phichit... - Katsuki’s? I looked to the side and noticed that I was awfully close to Yuri, PHICHIT and the two minors from the other day.  
\- Sorry, I couldn't resist…  
\- That is not fair, we resisted! - both boys complained.

I started moving away from them, reaaaally carefully. Then Chris arrived and GROPED Yuri! What the hell, man? I felt myself blushing. I was so shocked that I couldn't hear what they were talking about properly, but I could realize how perverted Chris was looking at Yuri. While I was stunned, someone rushed passed me… 

IS VICTOOOOOOOR!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH… Oh, he is so jealous haha. Wait, NO, I should leave… Or should I call him out? …. Well this is kind of… They are all interacting so well…

I put my hands on my face and tried to calm down… Sky colors, sky colors! Yes! This IS simple. It will be fine! Chris looked at me and gave me a discrete encouraging smile. Ok, here I go!

Then Chris’s coach arrived, he is always so serious... I decided to wait they talk it over. Then some girls called him. Shit lost my chance again!

\- VICTOR!!! - WHAT NOW?! Ahhhhh, so many fans! I can't even see him properly anymore.

I got out of there and sat on the ground depressed. When I sighed, I heard another sigh at the same time. I looked to the side and Japanese Yuri was sitting beside me in the same position. We looked at each other awkwardly and exchanged a shy smile.

\- So… how are you? Do you remember me? - I asked.  
\- Hmm… yes… thank you for before! - he answered me a little nervous, then looked away sad.  
\- What is wrong?  
\- It is unfair for me to have Victor as a coach? - I stared at him for some seconds, he still didn't notice my brother intentions? Not even what paper he has in Victor’s life, I guess. But I understand him.  
\- Don't you think… that he is someone so amazing that it feels that he is from another word? - I said kind of sad too.  
\- Yes… totally. Almost feels wrong for me to be with him just for that reason. - I snorted stressed too.  
\- Ahh… - I put my had against the wall and looked to the ceiling. - He is amazing… he is amazing, but… we cannot resist the desire to be close to him, so let it be. If this is wrong one day we'll have to give up, but until this day comes I don't think we should care for what other people think. But... isn't this kind of a unique experience and a precious opportunity that only you have? So make it count, ok?  
\- Hmmm… I will think about it. - he blushed and made an “in love” face. - You see, you look a LOT like him. - I froze - are you guys cousins?  
\- YES, OF COURSE. - he is stuuuupid… - I admire him, but I am too shy.  
\- What is your name? I am Yuri Katsuki.  
\- Irina Nikiforova. - we smiled. I hesitated but said in a whisper - take care of him and make him happy.  
\- What?  
\- Nothing, never mind. - I stood up and stretched.

“I will do it! I will speak to my brother!” I motivated myself while feeling Yuu’s puzzled look on my back.

\- Come on, Yuu, go prepare yourself! - I gave him a huge smile. Somehow he is very cute, I like him already.  
\- YUU??  
\- Yuu? - Oh shit, I called him that! - Ah! Sorry! Just... sounds cute...  
\- Hmm... No, don't be sorry! I… hmm - he looked troubled. - I'm happy… even if is really embarrassing… - he smiled like a small kid. So CUTE. And I smiled too.  
\- Yuu! - I called him before he left. - you make me jealous. - and laughed.

We said goodbye. Then I started to focus on my mission when my mind slipped…

… Phichit Chulanont …

Damn...


	8. 7

Suddenly I was already in the stands. He was dancing my favorite film! And he is from Tai, oh come on! The more I watched the more captivated I felt, my face started getting hotter. I knew I was blushing for no reason. When he fell, my heart skipped a beat. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME, JUST DON'T. I put my face on my hands, but between my fingers, I was still looking at him. And when he received a good score, I felt happy for him, embarrassed by my feelings, and totally confused. DON'T SEND A HEART, BOY!

I mean, I NEVER TALKED TO HIM. Come on, Irina.

I decided to go to the participant's area to look for Chris. Then I saw Yuu running from one side to another, I thought was better to not interfere, but he had a look that made me think that he went a little overboard with what I said. But, that is nice too. And I smiled.

Victor! Crap, and with Chris! Oh maybe now would be good! Or not… Yuu will skate now…

I followed them in secret. Chris that was stretching was laughing at me, I made a sign of silence, then he tried to hold on, but had a hard time trying.

Yuu and Victor talked to each other while I was hidden behind a pillar. Victor asked him to stop thinking about Katsudon or as a woman (food and woman?) for seduction. “SEDUCE ME” my brother was almost screaming inside his head while caressing Yuu’s hand, I gave an exasperated smile. Then Yuu strongly held his hand and approached him.

\- Don't take your eyes out of me. - WOW, SO SEXY. I blushed a LOT just hearing, but my brother is fine. So much experience huh, must be it.

I took out an extravagant fan from my pocket and fanned myself to cool down. But the skater licked his lips and me, with a 15 years soul, froze and blushed like a tomato. Wait wait, I fanned myself harder. Next a really sexy face to my brother. Come on! Slow down, can't take it! I was fanning myself so hard that people started to look at me.

Yuu did a perfect performance, I was really impressed, but again got the feeling that he didn't actually get what I meant, such a powerful ego. I laughed a little, yes, Yuu, it was really good. You can be confident like that anywhere and seduce people effectively, haha… but I guess he wants only Victor, right? I felt really warm as Victor ran to his love.


	9. 8

I was smiling looking at that couple happiness, when…

\- Hey. - Chris was by my side glaring at me fiercely. - you will root for ME, right? This time your brother is not competing, so don't you DARE root for somebody else.  
\- Haha… it's okay….  
\- Don't you dare!  
\- Relax relax. Let's drink something?

He followed me still pissed.

\- So… how are things with your boy? - I asked. The look in his eyes was saying “you seriously will change the topic?!”, he sighed.  
\- Ah… back and forth like always, now is back. - he put his head on his hands and looked to the side.  
\- You are so complicated, go out with him already.  
\- But, I don't want to be bound to anyone… - he said like a spoiled kid. - besides he doesn't shine like me, he is too serious.   
\- You are so spoiled! He takes care of you all the time, you get bored, then you leave, you feel alone, then you go back. Decide yourself!  
\- But he never runs after me… - Chris blushed a little while making a face a bit sad.  
\- AND WHY SHOULD HE? Are you a god that he should pursue?   
\- You are so mean! I just don't feel he truly likes me.  
\- AND someone that comes and leaves as he pleases doesn't look much in love either! - I complained tiredly. Chris bit his lips.  
\- You are so annoying. - I lifted an eyebrow. - Ok! You are right! But it hurts me how he never seems to care!  
\- Then go and ask him: “Do you care?”. - Chris blushed frustrated and messed his own hair.  
\- Even… even if ask that, I don't know if I want to stay…  
\- You say he doesn't shine, but if he did you wouldn't like! Victor did shine, right? But you guys clashed due to having huge egos. So why are you asking for that now?  
\- Well, that is true, but he doesn't need to be so boring too.  
\- Chris… listen to me. - I held his head between my hands to make he look at me. He unwilling did so. - he is always there for you, you like him so you don't truly think he is boring. You are just too self-centered, so you don't know what makes him shine. Just go and throw yourself in whatever comes your way. If you don't want to be restrained, so don't be. Just talk about it.   
\- Throw myself huh… - He smiled warmly, looked really pleased. Then he smiled looked perverted. - throw myself…  
\- Ahhhhh whatever you are thinking, just don't do it!  
\- Hehehe!  
\- CHRIS!

He stood and left saying he was going to concentrate. “I feel bad about this!” I thought. I decided to go watch the next participant. Oh, it's Georgi! I LOVE how he skates!! So much drama! Just like me.

I happily sat on the bench. Oh. My. God. Look at this makeup…. So scary! Oh my GOD, listen to this music! So much drama! Adore it!

I felt so excited, I never talked to him, but always felt we were somehow connected to this internal screams. Oh MY GOD look this choreography, I can feel the witch sorrow! NOOOOO, GEORGI DON'T CRY! I felt like crying myself. So much jealousy and grudge, this is a toxic buddy! But I get it, hang on! You will find a better woman.

When he finished I realized that I was already screaming his name. Oh shit, I should root for Chris! 

I leave the stadium for a bit, got the urge to see the sky a bit. Out there was *wow* Victor!  
“He is alone, is now or never!”


	10. 9

I approached Victor from behind. My heart raced really fast and…

\- Vic-  
\- Ahh! Atcho! - it surprised me. Tried again.  
\- Vict-  
\- Yuuuuri… so cold, come to warm me up! - he said looking to the distance. COME ON BROTHER THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING! Then he crouched down.  
\- Victo- - When I looked at his face, it was so sad that it made me stop.

I sat on the ground not much near him and we spent some minutes looking at the sky lost in our own thoughts. After some time I stood up to watch Chris performance. I heard my brother standing behind my back so I walked faster so he couldn't see me.

For some reason these moments made me really sad. I found Chris and he welcomed me with a naughty cocky smile. My bad feeling came back with double force.

\- CHRIS! BEHAVE YOURSELF!  
\- Hmmm, don't know what are you talking about… - he faked ignorance.  
\- There are kids here you know!  
\- Aaaaaaand?  
\- You are impossible! BE-HA-VE! - He just smiled again and went to the ice.

I sighed deeply and already opened the fan, knowing him too well. I blushed deep red and fanned myself one second later. STOP SHOWING OFF YOUR BUTT! I want to look away but I shouldn't since I agreed to cheer for him. AHHHHH DON'T GROPE YOURSELF! HOW MUCH OF A NARCISSIST YOU ARE?! I hit my head against the wall to see if I could cool down, of course, didn't work. One look at him and I crouched in anguish. 

Curse you, Chris! Look at you! You are aroused! I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT!

\- Near the end, I had a glimpse of a climax face.  
\- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WILL KILL YOU, INDECENT!  
\- SHUT UP, YOU DOWN THERE! - Someone screamed at me.

Then he finished and I was furious and burning red. I waited for him after the interview.

\- CHRIIIIIIIIS!!!!  
\- What? - he smile really happy.  
\- DON'T GIVE ME THAT! I-I CAN'T CALM DOWN JUST REMEMBERING!  
\- Glad you liked it!   
\- #*#*@$¥+¥@*$£×¥@$@##%^#₩¥£€@##  
\- Hehe, thank you!  
\- You make me SO mad!   
\- It's a talent, you see.  
\- I will KILL you!  
\- I am sexy, ain't I?  
\- You are like a WALKING PORNO!  
\- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I am irresistible, even to myself! Ahh… So refreshing!  
\- KILL YOU.

We went straight to the hotel bar together. Me screaming and he laughing. We sat in a table, but he soon went to pick some drinks with a really strange face. Feeling puzzled I look to the chair next to me and Victor was sitting there looking at me.

We both looked shocked at each other without moving an inch. After some unending seconds, he smiled a totally fake smile and I tried my best to do the same but was as fake as his. Chris came back and tried to help:

\- H-hey Victor, where is Yuri? - so awkward!  
\- Making a call in his room. - such a short answer!  
\- H-hmmm I see… - silence. - d-do you know my friend? - NOOO CHRIS.  
\- M-me? No. - Victor replied nervously.  
\- She came to watch me skate, such a dedicated friend! - he gave a mischievous smile. - and actually loved my performance.  
\- I DID WHAT?  
\- But isn't true? s2  
\- LIKE HELL IT IS! - hearing we argue, Victor snorted.  
\- I am incredible. - Chris went on.  
\- Well, yes! BUT can't you do something about this fetish with butts??  
\- I told you I can't! I even told you I couldn't resist Yuri’s. - we all got frozen in place.   
\- Oh yeah, Chris? Don't you want to explain me this better? - Victor gave him a smile that somehow was really terrifying.   
\- Ah! I guess I should let you both alone! - I stood up to leave.  
\- Traitor!!! - Chris screamed while I ran away.


	11. 10 - Diary of Chris

I woke up a really foul mood. Went down to eat breakfast and Irina was there waiting with a seat for me. Just seeing her already makes my blood boil. I could be angry at her for letting me alone with Victor, but of course, it wasn't the point here.

Irina was quietly drinking a hot coffee with her thoughts really far away. She was wearing a really large cloth that fell from one of her shoulders exposing a black shirt underneath. This together with a totally disastrous bun in her hair would make a lot of people ridiculous but in her was absolutely beautiful. A young lady like her has passed through so many things already, and besides all, is still making so much effort to make bonds. Only an insensible man could ignore that, and someone like this should be crushed to the ground. I felt my hands hurting from how strong I was pressing them.

\- Chris? - she called me since I had already reached the table but didn't sit. - you don't seem ok…

Usually, she would talk to me in a lot more scandalous fashion. She was feeling down and at the same time being considerate to me, since I was looking bad. I sighed and went pick my food after leaving my things on the table. Yesterday Victor said…

_\- Oh yeah, Chris? Don't you want to explain me this better?_  
_\- You know, Victor… Your boy has such a cute butt…_  
_\- Annnnnnnnd?_  
_\- It doesn't hurt if I touch him a little, you saw it before…_  
_\- Hmmm…. It hurts, hurts like me tearing one of your **especial** cloths apart..._

I feel a shiver down my spine just remembering the malice in his smile. He threatened my collection with a face and voice just like he was going buy me a cup of tea! But…

_\- H-hey Victor…_  
_\- Hmmm?_  
_\- W-what about Irina? - his smile faded._  
_\- Who?_

Without even noticing I was already on the table smacking my cup on the table.

\- Chris?! - Irina looked at me in a surprised voice.  
\- Tsc. - I just manage that.

“Who?” Who… WHO?! You will see who is the person that will smash that pretty face! You dare-

\- CHRIS! - She called me, worried. I looked at her but didn't manage to speak.  
\- How are you feeling?  
\- GREAT. - I said with a murderous tone.  
\- I-I see... that is good…

_\- Who?_  
_\- What? Victor spare me from this stupid act! I know you are aware of her long ago. - I said already suppressing myself from jumping at his neck._  
_\- Huh?_  
_\- You know! About how she comes to see you skate since she was at least 10. - he looked genuinely surprised. - don't tell me… you didn't know??_  
_\- I… no, I didn't. - he put his hand on his mouth blushing a little obviously happy._  
_\- So why won't you meet her?_  
_\- That can't happen, Chris._  
_\- What are you talking about? - I felt the drink getting warmer because of my hand, pure intent to kill him. Has been way more than 10 years, since she started to look up to him!_  
_\- There are family issues going on…_  
_\- But-_  
_\- It's not your business, you know nothing about this! - Victor snapped. But sorry buddy I CAN SNAP HARDER._  
_\- ARE YOU CRAZY??! I KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IS THERE TO KNOW!_  
_\- Chris!! Please, keep your voice down… It isn't such a big-_  
_\- SHUT UP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND SINCE SHE CAME TO WATCH YOU. IT IS MY BUSINESS, YOU UNCARING MAN._

_Then I stormed out of the bar. I got scared that somehow it got in the media… Well, whatever._

\- Irina, my sweet stalker, where is VICTOR? - I was with a bread in my hand trying to be cool, but when I said his name I felt so much hate that I ended breaking the bread. I looked at it in silence wondering how to pass butter in it now. Irina was looking at me with a forced smile.  
\- Well, Chris, my darling, he went with Yuri to his room-  
\- What the hell? It isn't time to fu-  
\- Nooo! - She got red. - Yuri couldn't sleep so they went together, so Victor could force him back to bed. You know that my brother always sleeps until the last minute…  
\- I am going there now!  
\- What?! But he must be sleeping!  
\- Like I care!

I left her behind without eating a thing. When I arrived at the room, that Irina Super Spy, told me before I made an extra effort so I wouldn't smash the door to the ground. So I knocked lightly. It took some more knocks to make Victor come at the door with a sleeping face, but when he saw me his face went pale.

\- Hello, Victor… - I gave him the most generous smile I could make. But from the reactions he had I bet wasn't that good.  
\- H-hello, Chris… hmmm, you see, I was sleeping so I can't speak to you right now.  
\- Like I care, isn't you who will skate. Get out of the room now.  
\- You are being unreasonable…  
\- Leave with me now or I will wake up Yuri.

Victor went quiet, seems he realized that he didn't have a choice. He went back tô the room a moment and came back with his keys and wallet. He closed the door behind him and said:

\- Alright, but let's go somewhere without many people…

With that in mind, we went by cab to a coffee store that had enough distance from the competition. We sit in front of each other.

\- So… you and she are friends… - he started.  
\- Yes.  
\- How… how is she? - he asked looking at the cup in his hands.  
\- How was she until now, you mean. - Victor pressed his lips. It is clear as day to me now that, if he didn't know that she was watching him every time she could, he didn't know anything else. I sigh. - How could you not notice her there? I think every Russian skater knows.

Victor started to pass his finger on the cup with a guilty face.

\- Victor, you are ridiculous sometimes. I will tell you what happened to her since you left home. - Victor stopped and put one hand in his face breathing hard. - Irina was four then, right? She didn't understand why she couldn't see you at first. Your father prohibited her to get near you and, worse, prohibited her from getting near art of any kind. She should be raised to become the heir, so he wouldn't allow her to love art as you did. He controlled everything she did, she just could escape to see you when a driver that also took care of her helped her to lie. But the psychological impact on her about arts was so strong that she won't even hum a song.

Victor looked at me in shock. I don't know the details of her childhood better, so I also don't understand how she can have this kind of block.

\- After the appearance of this man, she made her first friend, Yuri Plisetsky, and went to watch you train frequently. - once more Victor got surprised, he put both hands on his face and could see that they were trembling. Good for him.  
\- But Yurio wouldn't be able to hold such a secret…  
\- It seems that when it really matters, he can. - Victor felt hurt hearing that, I am sure. He lifted his head already crying in silence and tried to make his hands stop shaking. - In one of our Junior competitions, I met her in the banks. Of course, I would notice someone so similar to you. She was quiet, she would only speak in a small voice and she would never smile. - Victor’s face twitched a little to hold on the sobs. - I loved her immediately after meeting her. Such an honest and smart kid, so gentle too.

Victor smiled a little.

\- I-If you know all this, you should understand that I can't see her. Because of father and because I hurt her. - he said between tears.  
\- You should have protected her when you got 18! At least tried to face your father… even if you failed… - we both got silenced. - Anyway, she got her freedom for herself. She doesn't obey him anymore. She is really smart, I told you. - I smiled proudly.  
\- What?!  
\- Yes, so meet her.  
\- I… - Victor just kept crying saying nothing more.  
\- I don't care about how you feel if you leave China without speaking with her… I will never forgive you. She passed months preparing herself to that moment.

I stood up to go back to the hotel and he weakly stood too. We paid and got on a taxi back. We said nothing on the way and Victor passed the whole time calming himself to be able to coach Yuri properly. I like both of these guys after all, even if I am so upset, so I didn't disturb him.


	12. 11

I wandered back and forth really worried. Chris was reaaaaaally pissed off. He looked like almost putting fire into someone. 99% of chance that is because Victor was faking ignorance and probably kept faking after I left… After realizing it, I got somehow depressed.

I sat somewhere (don't remember) and looked to the ceiling. “What I'm doing forcing myself into my brother’s life? He obviously don't want it.” I sighed and rested my head on my hand. I watched the people pass. After sometime my eyes caught Phichit. I purposely hid my head on my knees. “I have to stop looking at him!” I thought. Again what I was doing, besides my brother problem, I keep feeling all frustrated just looking at some random person that I don't know a thing about (besides all I shamelessly stalked on social media, that he seems to really like it). I bit my lips, feeling lost. What do I want out of this whole shit?

Feeling more than a bit depressed I thought about going to the cafeteria to drink something. I love to pass my time looking to nowhere and drinking anything delicious. But that time I didn't want it. So I went with the second option. I got out of my purse a note (I carry one of each language or dialect I speak), I chose one randomly and started reviewing. After half an hour or so I realized that I was studying Thai. When I did, I quickly closed the notebook and hit me on the face with it.

\- AAAARGH! - Everybody looked in my direction. I stood up and searched somewhere high and open to the sky. Somewhere that could satisfy my undying drama.

When I reached the perfect place, I looked to the view. I had an urge to scream and already tired of everything, I just did really.

\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!  
\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

I looked at my side and there was Georgi in tears screaming with me. We faced each other surprised, some kind of understandable pain torture both of us, we didn't need to say anything to feel that we were not alone. We smiled sincerely and mentally count to 3 and screamed again stronger than before. Then we laughed and made a thumbs up to each other. In our heads, just one word remained “buddies”.

Coming back inside, I wondered about what to do. I was really refreshed so I could do something to help my brother with dealing with our family issue so he could focus on Yuu. Talk personally would make more of a mess. His closest friends are Yuu (better saying lover), Chris and Yakov… maybe? Yuu was sleeping, Chris made the mess, Yakov could just give the final blow… I decided to write a letter, the simplest one I could ever write and in Russian. I ran to the front gate of the hotel and waited there. When both, brother and friend, arrived, I was hidden and caught a glimpse of Victor’s face. He seemed awful.

I knew what was needed and went running at full speed to my room, wrote everything with a lot of care and ran to Yuu’s room. I was without breath but could manage to leave the letter on the ground and hide behind the wall. I saw Victor reach the door, he looked at the letter on the ground and didn't move. After some moments, that seemed minutes for me, he opened the letter with his hands shaking a bit. My heart was racing painfully, but when my words took out of him an honest smile, I could breathe again. Victor went inside and I fell to the ground.

“Don't think about things that can be solved later. Make Yuri impress me, I wanna see.”

It wasn't the most intelligent or touching message, but I wanted him to think about me later and wrote I was okay with it. Also if he really feels guilty, he would be happy that I approve what he is doing right now and that I like Yuu. Sometimes guilt can be diminished when you do something to the one you hurt. So... please, make Yuri skate even better than before.


	13. 12

I caught my breath waiting for Chris. When he found me, he was looking so bitter.

\- Why are you looking me like this? - he said kind of depressed.  
\- Love you.

I hugged him really tight because he is simply the best friend that I could ever imagine having. I really feel blessed for having someone that treats me with so much care, and love me openly as he does.

\- When you say and do things like this… - Chris sighed. - makes everything worthy. Love you too, stalker lady. - and he hugged me back while petting my head.  
\- Will you go to the ice and make me scream? - I said still in his embrace.  
\- Wow! Scream of amusement?  
\- N-no! - I laughed - of embarrassment!   
\- Hey! That is rude! - he laughed too. - but you can count on me!

We both laughed and released each other. He seemed a lot better. 

\- Well, it's nice to see that you are better… - he said to me. That surprised me since I just had thought the same thing. I was worried about him the same way he was, I guess.  
\- It's not like I can be depressed while my hero fights for me, right? - I gave him a big smile, and he smiled too.  
\- Stop making a fuss about it. You also saved me many times already.  
\- That is true, but you see… - I looked deep in his eyes. - I'm just too happy. I wanna show you off to everybody, “look how lucky I am”. - I didn't think was possible, but my smile got even bigger and I felt a little hot, so I was blushing a bit. Hearing me, Chris blushed too and gave me an awkward smile.  
\- You really know how to make me feel well, huh. - he smiled kindly while passing his hands through my hair again. - I will go concentrate, see you later.  
\- Okay!

Okay, Chris seems fine. Now… Victor!

I go see them and, first I got relieved since Victor was focused, then I looked to Yuu… HOLY CRAP! 

I waited for a moment when they were apart to speak with him, but that wait was sooo hard! Yuu, hang in there! You can win against the bottle!

WHY WOULD YOU JUMP HEREEEEEE?!! OH MY GOD, HE IS ALMOST BROKEN! SAY SOMETHING, CHRIS, YOUR HEARTLESS BITCH!

CALM DOWN, IRINA! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!

I started to count to 10 in Russian, then in Chinese, then in Japanese, then in Thai, then…

Yuu left the ice and I kept following him uneasy….

Victor, could you say something less obvious than something like “everybody makes mistakes” or “you can do it”? Please! The Chinese guy started presenting and Yuu looked to the TV like a zombie… HEY!!! WAIT WAIT! DON’T TURN OFF-   
Yuu sat in a chair and I felt, far away from him, his soul in pure despair. COME ON, BOY, STOP THIS! EVEN I'M GETTING NERVOUS LIKE HELL! 

I looked around in agony, waiting for a chance to- STOP JUST LOOKING AT HIM, VICTOR! AHHHHH ITS CHRIS TURN SOON!

I HAVE NO TIME TO THIS SHIT! 

While Yuu was sat, I made a trail of photos of Yuu that I, shamelessly stalker, took of him skating and other random moments. And why have I these photos? Just wait and see, Diary. I made a sound to attract Victor’s attention and without thinking clearly, he started to collect the photos almost drooling. It is the PERFECT VICTOR’S ESCAPE PLAN! I had just some moments before he came back, so I ran to Yuu’s side and told him directly:

\- Yuu!  
\- AHHH - Yuu got startled.  
\- You know! I-I am Victor’s SISTER!  
\- WHAAAAAAAAT?  
\- Y-yes… We never talked since I was small and he still doesn’t want too. - It’s very scary. - I held Yuu’s head between my hands. - It IS scary, but I will make him recognize me. - I could feel my hands shaking and certainly, Yuu could too.  
\- Irina…  
\- Let’s make Victor dazed with us, so he can’t hold himself back! - I laughed - He has a lot more flaws than you can imagine. - and I gave him a sad smile, he seemed confused and not much better but...

CHRIIIIIIS TURNNNNN! Must run! I released Yuu’s face and gave him a soft kiss in the forehead.

\- Take good care of my brother! - and I left running at full speed again. Victor almost saw me, but you see, I AM really fast. And of course he was fissurated by the photos with a heart-shaped smile (CUTE), I saw him hiding the photos with the corner of my eye and went flying to the banks.


	14. 13

I arrived at the banks in the last second before Chris started. While I was catching my breath, I was charmed by Chris performance. He was so focused already, what was unusual, but… seeing him like this made me think that he was greatly involved with me, Victor and Yuu, what made me laugh a little and smile warmly too. I whispered “Yuu got to fire you up, huh… Hehe”. I bet he was in “competition mode” and was wishing that Victor would regret leaving the ice. Something like that.

 

Ohh... He got all the jumps right, he is really motivated-

CHRIS! CALM DOWN! NO, DON’T!

He finished and I looked at this face! WHAT THIS FACE MEANS?! DON’T BE AROUSED! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

I couldn’t take and covered my eyes, my face burning. My head understood without me paying attention to my surroundings. It was Pichit’s turn. My face got hotter, my heart raced. This combo, Chris + Pichit, will kill me FOR SURE. I didn’t wanna look, but I knew that I couldn’t resist it. I took my hands out of my face and Chris was in front of me.

\- Hey, babe. What did you think? - he asked with his face still marked from the excitement.

\- …………… - I bit my lips and couldn’t say anything that would properly express my revolt for his Non-Safe for Work presentations, but at the same time, he did really well.

\- Speechless, huh? I know, don’t worry. I will win this whole shit! - I snorted but kept red. He put one arm around my shoulder and we looked at the ice.

 

Pichit entered and I couldn’t help but tense up, my heart already beating even faster than before. I could see Chris smirking at my reaction.

\- Ohoo~ …

\- CHRIS!!!

\- What?! Hahahaha! Didn’t say a thing… YET! Ugh! - I elbowed him hard. He went quiet,  **good** .

 

I looked at Phichit and he was breathing deeply… WHY ANYTHING HE DOES LOOKS SOO…. forget it… THE KING AND THE SKATER II, oh my… I LOOOOVE IT!

 

I realized that I gasped and couldn't hold in a happy reaction. I looked carefully at Chris… and… AHHH he was attempting to not laugh! So embarrassing!!!!!!!!!! I must be glowing red! Uuugh!

 

I was hypnotized by him when he suddenly made a quad Toe-loop, the first one my eyes opened wide and I smiled, the second I ran to the front without thinking! I felt excitement running through me. He kept jumping and jumping and when I came back to myself I was screaming without restraint! Congratulations on being TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! Phichit laid in the ice and I fell on my knees and put a hand in front of my mouth touched. He is SO perfect…

 

\- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

I looked back at me really slowly, Chris was laughing at me so hard that he couldn’t breathe. I stood up so red, sooo red, that I must have had a scarlet color in my cheeks. The embarrassment was making me dizzy and I took my fan to try to get cooler. Chris kept laughing.

 

\- You won’t stop, will you?

\- HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

Now everybody was looking at us. I heard people talk about my hair and my looks. It didn’t matter anymore since I was going to make it public soon…

 

\- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! - I punched him in the stomach and he started to laugh and cry at the same time… I am getting really mad. I smiled at him “kindly”.

\- Will you make me the favor to STOP LAUGHING?!!! - Chris looked a little bit frightened for a second, what made me almost relieved, but then he started it all again. I hit my head on the wall frustrated and embarrassed. - Ohhhh you will pay for this…

\- Ah- Irina… I-I c-can’t breath! HAHAHAHA!

\- DIE FOR ALL I CARE!

\- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! You- You should have seen your face hahahahah!!!!

\- What was so funny, your asshole???

\- Ouch - He put his hand on the chest. - It hurtsss! HAHAHAHAHAH YOU! You had the same-

\- THE SAME WHAT?!

\- You had the same heart-shaped smile as his all the time while jumping and screaming… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Hearing this I got quiet. Actually, I was quite happy to hear that I have something so particular of him in me too. I could hear the blood pulsing in my ear and looked to the ground.

 

\- It… it made… made me happy… - Chris said fighting for air - to see you so open, to express so openly your emotions of happiness… it made me really happy.

\- I. DO. NOT. BELIEVE. YOU.

\- No, really. - he finally recomposed - Is not new that you are expressive, but true excitement and happiness were always a block. Maybe I should root for you and Phichit.

 

I blushed more, but this time I wasn't mad.

 

\- It is strange to be like this because of a stranger.

\- You ARE strange, girl. Conform yourself. Besides you are the type of the person that would always have the most platonic love as possible.

\- WHY? It sucks to love someone from afar. - he smiled.

\- You were born living things in the hard mode. - and he hugged me from behind. - now, look, Georgi will begin.

\- Okay… Crap, we didn’t even look to the American kid!

\- Oh my! It is true… but it seems he didn’t go really well…

\- Yes…

 

Now, Georgi, please teach me the Drama’s Path!


	15. 14

I took a paper from my bag and a pen.

 - What is this for? - Chris made a troubled expression.

\- To take notes, duh. What else could be?

\- Are you going to take notes… of this? - he pointed at Georgi awesome choreography.

\- Of course! It isn’t inspiring?? - I looked at my idol that could bring his innermost dramas to the spotlights.

\- I guess… somehow it is? - he sounded unsure.

I didn’t care, I like him this way. I like how shameless he is (in a different way than Chris). GOOOO, GEORGIIII!!!

While I was cheering, I saw Victor and Yuu arriving… WHAT HAPPENED??? VICTOR, I BET IT IS YOUR FAULT!!!! DON’T CRY YUUUUU!

“Well…” I laughed, “I guess that now Yuri realized how incompetent my brother is with some things”. 

Conquer him, Yuu. Go.

Georgi didn’t go really well… But don’t you dare underestimate dramatic people, world! Georgi will make it better next time!

Yuu entered the ice and Victor continued looking clueless about how to act. Yakov must be disappointed. Tsc tsc. Yuu made Victor catches his tissue and put a finger on his head. Both I and Chris laughed, Victor must be getting old!!

Yuu dances with absolute beauty, he was getting bolder and bolder, so provocative. I could see that everything was a message to Victor. That jump… WOW… I stole a glimpse at Victor he was so surprised! I smiled really proud! That's my boy! But...

_“It IS scary, but I will make him recognize me.”_ I guess I have no other choice but be brave now.

_“He has a lot more flaws than you imagine.”_ ….

_“Let’s make Victor dazed with us, so he can’t hold himself back!”_  This was much better than whatever I imagined, Yuu! I smiled a large smile.

Yuri finished and Victor seemed so shaken. He ran to Yuu and my new friend went all happy to his side, when…

**KISS → “...** **_so he can’t hold himself back!”_ **AHHHHHH WOW MY-... WOW!! THAT WAS NOT WHAT I MEANT! BUT!

When I came back to reality, I was already taking photos non-stop. Sorry brother for taking 100 photos, but… YESSSSSSSSS !!!!

Suddenly I was commemorating (jumping from excitement) for my brother, that I always knew wasn’t actually truly happy, and for my cute and bold Yuu, for growing so fucking much and for having the heart of the most fucking awesome man out there. I laughed really happy.

Still taking photos!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! SOO FUCKING PERFECT! LOVE THEM FOREVER!


	16. 15

I saw my beloved ones go to the podium (Georgi didn’t, but oh well). I don’t know who I wanted in each place, so I was happy regardless. Of course, Victor gave an interview that would make Yuri burn from hate, haha.

 But this was my LAST chance, and I knew it. I ran until I was close to Victor that was going to the airport with Yuu. Every skater and trainer was there as well to leave. I was feeling ill and without breath, but I couldn’t think twice. I looked at the ground and...

 - BROTHER! - I could hear the echo of my voice, I couldn't control myself so I screamed. I felt the eyes of every single person on me. Nobody spoke. The tension was killing me, my hands were shaking a lot and my head was hurting like crazy.

 I wonder what Yakov thought about this? What face Chris was making? And Phichit? Yuu… I am doing this right?

 ……..

 Victor…

 The silence remained. I knew I corned him, a situation he couldn’t run from… The longest this moment longed more difficult it was for me to not cry.

 - Lady… - I heard his voice cold as he had just thrown a bucket of freezing water in me and I could just stand there, shaking. - I don’t know what you want but…

\- I JUST! - I didn’t let he finishes, my heart was racing so loudly that I could hardly think straight. - I-I just want to… want to t-talk…

 My last word got out cut by my sobs, I couldn’t hold in. I tried so hard, but I just couldn't remain calm, or face it properly. I am not running, but it didn’t change his answer. Now I am here, crying in front of everybody. I put my hands in my face ashamed, my face was burning feverish.

 - Lady... you are bothering me. So... if you excuse me. - when I heard that my world froze completely. I vaguely saw Victor leaving with Yuu running after him.

The others started to leave one after one. I gave a hell of a show, didn’t I? I didn’t sob anymore, tears rolled freely through my face. And when just Chris came to my side with such a lost face, I just shut myself out. I am tired. I guess I should really give up. Chris tried to touch me, but I didn't let him. I am tired. I started to walk with nothing in mind to the opposite direction of the airport. Chris called me, but I just answered: “don't follow me”.

Please, leave me alone for now.


	17. 16 - Victor's Diary

Today my heart raced for so many different reasons. I was woken up by Chris and pushed against a wall. I was comforted by  **her** letter. I was faced with Yuri weakness and found my own again. I was faced with my own inability. I was provoked by him, charmed, conquered. I fell in love more then I could take. I felt truly happy. Really.

But,

But, when it all finished, she came.

It is true that I always longed for seeing my only sister again. When we were driven apart, I thought about her for months. I was selfish for leaving her as the heir. I choose freedom knowing that by doing this she wouldn’t be able to escape. It was my decision, and it was the most egoist thing I could ever do. Besides all that, she was alone.

I am the worst brother. Irina was my victim, my sacrifice.

It didn’t matter how much prizes I got, once I entered in what would be my home, dark and without life, I could only think about her, small and afraid, in a dark room calling me. I don’t have any right to be beside her. So, when Chris asked me to recognize her, I just couldn’t.

Irina, your brother was always a weak person. Nothing to be proud about. Even when you were suffering I would train every day and enter in the ice forgetting about you. Just thought about my art, a thing that was ripped away from you. But every single time I left the ice, I couldn't feel joy and true fulfillment. I just wanted to forget all about you.

Why coming to me was the first thing you did when you got free? Why are you so decided about this? Please… please stop! I don’t deserve it.

Independent of what I thought, you came. You called me by what I wanted to hear the most. I was so happy and hurt at the same time. I got angry at you for trying to change things, I was angry, above all, with myself for being such an ungrateful person.

I looked at her. Black dress of wool with exposed shoulders an earring of dark pearl just in one ear. Dark and strong boots with a shoelace. Almost no makeup. She held her head down before me, and it made me feel worse. How could she be so tall already? How much tall is she? She must be 21 now, huh. Her hair looks like mine long ago, really long and beautiful, she had bound it in a messy ponytail. I could tell that she was clumsy but with good taste.

No, I didn’t want to talk. Because I knew that I wouldn’t see her again, she wouldn’t want to. I wanted to engrave her image in my mind.

I noticed hers shaking hands and her ears were a bit red from shyness. "She is suffering", I realized. I couldn't keep this going any longer. Forget me, Irina.

\- Lady… I don’t know what you want but… - I try to painfully drive her away once more. She probably knew and stopped me.

\- I JUST! - Her spirit was so strong, I felt her intensity like a slap on my face. “Please don’t be gentle, Irina.” - I-I just want to… want to t-talk…

She started sobbing right there. I felt like the world was ending around me. I am such an horrible person. I look around us, and for the first time, I saw that everyone was looking rather at me than at her.

Chris was almost screaming, his fists shaking, he was begging me with his eyes.

Yuuri was looking at both of us desperate, somehow he knew about her too. But he was trying to trust that I would do what was needed. I am sorry, I am not worthy of you even.

Yakov, was looking at me sad. It seems he also knows about everything, but he, different from Yuuri, didn’t have any illusions about me.

Georgi was focused on Irina, he didn’t seem to fully understand but was crying already with her.

All the rest was looking at me holding breath. She was speaking at Russian, but they could grasp more or less seeing the situation and her appearance. In return, everything I said was in English to make clear to everyone. While she tried to get close, I would put a visible wall between us.

\- Lady... you are bothering me. - I said things that would hurt her the most. “Please don’t come back.” - So... if you excuse me.

I left almost running. I wanted to put everything that had to do with her behind, that is all. I heard Yuuri calling me from behind. I almost cried but kept walking.

\- Victor!

I ran. My heart was hurting badly. I almost crossed the street without looking, but Yuuri stopped me.

\- VICTOR! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! - He forced me to turn and look at him. But I didn’t look in his eyes.

\- ……..

\- Victor, please, I will believe you, what was your reason for doing that. You didn’t even LOOKED at her after saying- saying… - his voice was trembling. - those horrible things.

-Yuuri… I said the truth-

\- YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD TRULY MEAN THAT?

\- I-

\- LOOK AT YOU! - he held me by the collar forcing me to look at his eyes this time. - You are falling apart! You love her, don’t you? I knew her, but didn’t know she was your sister. She always gives me advice, help me stand. And before my presentation today, she came to trust me with her secret just for putting me back on my feet. You mean the world to her. GO BACK THERE RIGHT NOW!

\- I CAN’T - I finally explode. - WHAT KIND OF BROTHER LEAVES HIS SISTER TO BE A PRISONER OF THEIR FATHER?

\- … What?

\- YOU DON’T HAVE IDEA OF HOW MUCH GUILT I FEEL!

\- Victor…

\- I CAN’T BE WITH-

\- VICTOR!! - he screamed higher than my voice. - If you are guilty why would you do what  **you** want? I don’t believe in this, but if you don’t want to see her, doesn’t matter. If you abandoned her, and you feel sorry, just do whatever  **she** wants now! GO. SPEAK. WITH. HER.


	18. 17 - Victor’s Diary

After Yuuri shaking me up, he slowly released me. I got quiet and started to reflect on what I was doing… it didn't make any sense really… As the conscience of my acts started coming to me, I looked at Yuuri. He was sad, but he didn't seem disappointed and, for me, that was absurd.

\- Why do you believe in me like this? I am nothing amazing. - I said calming down.   


\- I know. - he smiled gently. - your sister has warned me of that. - Yuuri crossed his arms and looked to the way we came. - And she even said, “ _ Let’s make Victor dazed with us”.  _ Don't you feel how much she likes you? I mean, she admits your mistakes and still wants you to give her affection. Therefore your flaws don't interfere in what she feels about you, just what she thinks. That impressed me and made me want to see in you what she was talking about. She is a great kid, isn't she?

 

Then he looked at me absolutely calm.

\- Yes… I guess she is… - I said that taking the information slowly again. How much she likes me is difficult to understand. I looked to the place where Yuuri looked just seconds before.   


\- And you, Victor? How you truly feel about her? I don't care about guilt and blame, just tell me how much you love her.

 

I kept looking that way, and before I could think about whether to go or stay, I was already going. I like her. I like how she would come after me with her small foot, how she would crack a smile to me every time she did something forbidden, and then tell me secretly, so we could share her childish conquers.

 

I loved how she misspelled the words and would hug my legs with all the force she had. She would ask me to dance for her and tell stories. She would show off what she learned and end sleeping in my lap despite trying so hard to remain awake. I love her.

 

I ran away from the fact that I used to hug her every day because she was way too cute for me to bare and I miss that greatly. We have a gap of 6 years between us, so I remember how she was transforming from a baby to a small child. And when I left home, I, every night, laid on my bed trying to imagine how she was growing up. How was she doing, if she would remember me…

 

In no time I had already run all the way back to the stadium. I was gasping for air and had to put both hands on my knees. When I raised my head I saw Chris in the same spot he was before. He was devastated, he was biting his lips really hard and his fists were shaking. I corrected my posture and went straight to him. When he saw me, Chris punched me hard enough to push me to the ground. But for me it didn't hurt at all, for the first time, I was facing the consequences of my acts concerning my little sister. So I didn't take my eyes off him.

\- HOW COULD YOU?! WHAT-… what will you do if Irina doesn't open to me anymore? Or anyone?!  - Chris started screaming, but next he just passed his hands through his face and hair really tired, sad, lost and worried.   


\- Where is she? - I asked totally calm, standing up.   


\- Huh?   


\- Where is she?   


\- …. Now you want to speak to her?   


\- Yes. - Chris snorted disbelievingly.   


\- Oh, I see. - he said ironically - best time for that, surely.   


\- Where is she?   


\- ……. - he looked at me trustless and sighed. - she went that way. And just so you know, she likes high places with a vision to the sky.   


\- Eh? But is quite late! Isn't dangerous? - he snorted again.   


\- She could defeat five men with knives. Now go already. - he said doing a “shoo shoo” for me.


	19. 18 - Victor’s Diary

I walked the streets searching for something like Chris described. As I walked I thought about what I knew about her until then. She is Chris best friend, she is Yurio’s friend. She likes to watch me… and seems to know a lot about me.

She looks clumsy, grew even more intelligent than she already was as kid. She has many features similar to mine. Hells, why this makes me so happy? Apparently she is quite strong, both fiscally and psychologically, and a good observer, since she always made her way through Yuuri’s heart. She is a good friend and a sincere girl that could expose herself for someone else. Something that I would never be able to do for someone almost strange to me… I am too self centered. Maybe she is easily attached to people?

Somehow… isn't it adorable? 

My eyes are caught by a bridge faraway. I saw a figure standing there. I started to run, not because I thought she could jump, but because she was much more precious to me since she was born than I ever thought. I couldn't wait.

Irina had her back turned to me. I climbed part of the stair and called her.

\- Sister! - she flinched and slowly turned to face me.  
\- …………….. - she watched me confused, her face was drenched in tears but was serene. A really strange sight.  
\- I… - I started to speak then realized that I didn't know what to tell her.

We both stood quiet without speaking. There is so much I want to apologize for… Should I apologize for faking that I didn't knew her? Or for leaving home? For leaving her alone? For never trying to speak to her when we got older? Or for trying to forget her?

Irina observed me in silence, the tears rolling like little jewels through her cheek. The city lights gave her tears and silver hair a faint glow. She is indeed very beautiful. I wondered if she was popular in school like I was. Irina smiled faintly like she knew what I was thinking.

\- W-where you popular in school? - it got out of my mouth from nervousness. “Just what I asked????? What big idiot I am! Say sorry!” I thought looking to the ground. I tried to correct myself. - Sor-  
\- I wasn't. - she answered in a small voice, I looked back at her and she was still smiling, but her eyes were even sadder. I could grasp that school wasn't good for her. “Yeah, Victor, well done”. At the same time it was the first time we actually replied to each other properly.

I put a hand on my neck uncomfortable. Silence again. After a minute or two Irina stared the distance once more. I felt awful, unsure about how ask for forgiveness. I didn't know even if it was permitted.

\- Hmm… don't you have a flight? You don't need to feel obligated- - she began in my place.  
\- Haha! - she looked me in the eye again, surprised, I guess she didn't know me that well after all. Or actually she knew me at first, but I made sure she doubted it. I gulped.

Silence once again. It was already an unbearable situation.

\- I am sorry! - I finally said after all. But it was so little compared to what I did, but I didn't knew how to express my regrets. I feel so guilty.  
\- I know. - again was like she was reading my mind, she smiled a bit more and came close to me. With a hand she started petting my head. - It's okay, Victor. I forgive you… - my heart ached strongly. - for everything.

Hearing that I started to cry. I felt so relieved, felt like she was taking out of me hundreds of needles all at once. I was pathetic for being the one being comforted, but I couldn't help myself. Determined to be more like a brother I took her hand in mine and prepared to say what I truly thought about her, like Yuuri said. But she spoke before me.

\- Would you forgive me too? - she looked at her feet, her hand got warmer and she blushed. But she gave a deep breath and looked me in the eye. - would you forgive me for trying to enter your life? I should have respected you.

I didn't expect that and got really shocked. Me? Forgive her?

\- What? No! Take back what you just said! Right now! - I got revolted and startled her. She looked confused, but next, she was holding her tears and getting more red.

I was nervous again for what to say, but I took her other hand and squeezed both. After fighting for a while with myself, Yuuri appeared in my mind and I begged for his help silently. This was my loss, I couldn't repair anything alone. I said this instead:

\- Sis, want to come to Japan with me?


	20. 19

………….. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! DIARY, OH GOD!

I WILL START FROM THE BEGINNING.

I was destroyed and went to a bridge to think about my life. I was so crushed that tears kept flowing nonstop. I felt my hands freezing and were shaking lightly. I sighed really stressed out. I looked at the distance and felt the cold wind on my face. “I don't think I will be able to go watch Victor never again, or Yuuri… actually, I think I won't watch any competition at all” I thought.

\- Sister! - my heart almost stopped hearing. I slowly turned to see my brother behind me.

He was nervous and I could easily understand more or less what he thought. He was suffering and was trying his best. He mentioned school when thought I was beautiful, but unfortunately, there wasn't anyone could I talk to in my school life. I was always difficult to approach (it was impossible actually) and when I got more open I had already a fame for being too cold. It wasn't… actually good memories. Not that I was bullied or anything, but I was alone the whole time and my father not allowing me to take part in any art class didn't help the rumors.

The truth was that I was tired of my dilemma with Victor, so after some time in silence I just went back inside my shell and asked him to leave simple put. He was almost beating himself internally and there was no need for that, but he laughed. I mean… why? Wasn't he the one who made awfully clear that I was a nuisance? Actually, why is he here? 

\- I am sorry! - my attention turned to him again, I saw all the regrets passing through his mind. So that was why he was here… But brother, I already knew. You are kind after all, you just need to be a bit braver.

I felt somehow that I was stronger than him, so I had to be the one to make him feel safe. For the first time since forever, I could be close to my brother. It was something that I waited for so long I wanted to cry when my fingers touched his head. Victor isn't that much taller than me. And for some reason that thought made me see that he wasn't something from another world, not even much better than me at all. We were both stupid siblings. While I was moved by petting him, he was relieved to the point of crying openly after I said that it was fine. Things sure are tough between us.

Well, it was all going to end after all… I was happy to have this little contact with him at least. I was feeling kind of sick for all this emotional burden. Maybe I was with a little fever? My hands were too hot. Then he took the one in his head and HELD it. 

I.Can.Die.Happy gonna cry 

“I shouldn't be greedy, let him free and leave”. I tried to say I was sorry too, but he refused to let me. Although his denial surprised me at first, I felt so precious to him… I couldn't deal with this clear affection. I blushed and was probably able to cook an egg in my hands. When he held both, I was so happy. So happy, that when he squeezed them I had a fever for sure. Got scared of burning his hands. I was too embarrassed to break the silence.

\- Sis, want to come to Japan with me?

HEART ATTACK 

“Sis, want to come to Japan with me?” Alright…..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

OF COURSE, BITCH!

\- YESSSS! - Victor laughed a bit relieved that I accepted. - Come on let's go, in the way I can arrange the details. - I started to leave and thought he would follow me, but instead, he held my hand and decided to walk with hands linked. (BURNINNNNG)

We walked a bit getting used to this, and then I looked at my watch.

\- Victor! Your flight is in one hour!   
\- Hm? How do you know that?  
\- Doesn't matter! - stalker - Let's run, in my rhythm!  
\- RAN? We can take a taxi!  
\- Bullshit, look to the traffic! - it was packed. - when we get to Yuu, we take one.

I started to run really fast pulling Victor behind. I was burning and excessively happy. Victor was doing his best to keep my pace.

\- Irina! Please! Slow… slow down!  
\- Not happening. - I look back to his face unable to hide my biggest smile any longer. He looked troubled but laughed and tried his best. I laughed too and it was the happiest moment of my life until now.

We ran holding hands and laughing. Victor stumbled several times without breath.

\- YUUUUUUU!!!!!!  
\- YUUUUUUURI!!!

We reached him on the street laughing. Victor put his free hand on his knee fighting for air. Yuu noticed our hands and smiled warmly. I fanned myself with my usual fan.

\- That fan! - Victor pointed at it. I blushed since he realized it.  
\- C-come on, guys! Let's pick a taxi. Quick!

We entered a taxi and asked him to hurry to the hotel since my stuff was still there.

\- Irina, so you are coming with us?! - Yuu asked.  
\- Yeah… sorry for being a bother to your time together. - Yuu blushed.  
\- It's okay, we will compensate it later! - Victor didn't bother denying it of course.  
\- Victor! - Yuu blushed more and I laughed openly.  
\- But how will we make it work now? Didn't you have a flight too?  
\- No… I didn't know what to do with my life after here… You see, I bet everything I had this time. - then Victor got serious.  
\- Well, you will let me pay for the passage, right? - Victor asked earnestly.  
\- What?! Of course not! I will pay.  
\- No way you will. Let me compensate for your suffering until now.  
\- Don't be stupid, this has nothing to do with that.  
\- I will be offended if you don't let me.

We kept arguing, while I also gave instructions to the driver in Chinese.

\- WAIT! - Yuu stopped us. - Are you discussing buying the passage for right now??! How much do you think it would cost?

We both looked to Yuu in silence. We knew how much it cost.

\- I don't believe you! - Yuu makes a disbelieving expression. - How rich you both can be?!  
\- …………  
\- …………  
\- Oh god! - Yuu gave up and started to look out to the window. We started laughing hard and soon he was laughing too.

We arrived at the hotel and I asked for them to wait in the car for me. In some minutes I came back.

\- Already!!?? - both and even the driver were surprised. I smirked entering the car sweating a little and we departed.  
\- Irina… I thought about this before, but… Are you okay, your hands were way too hot and now you are abnormally red. - Victor pointed it out.  
\- I think is emotional stress... and a bit of unneeded exercise.

Victor didn't seem to agree with me and put a hand on my forehead.

\- You are as sick as a sick person can be. - he said worriedly. I put a hand in my forehead quizzically. Not that I would be able to judge anyway.  
\- Well, let's end this soon so I can rest? - I said smiling awkwardly, but both of them nodded seriously.  
\- Aren't you feeling anything? - Yuu shyly asked.  
\- Nothing much other than heat… I guess it's because of the adrenaline. - maybe I should be careful in the moment I relax.

We went the rest of the way discussing who would pay and laughing at Yuu’s exasperation. We paid the driver and left running. In the entry of the airport was Chris whose flight were later. He was waiting for me, for sure. I ran and jumped in him, getting him surprised. I didn't have much strength so I didn't get to throw him on the ground and he noticed but chose to ignore.

\- Came to see me off?  
\- Actually… I AM GOING TO JAPAN! - Chris looked surprised, then he looked in Victor direction doing an “I'm watching you” sign with his hand. Then he hugged me strongly.  
\- Congratulation, little stalker. - he said full of affection.  
\- That last part wasn't needed. - we laughed and released each other.  
\- Come on, guys let's run! - I said.  
\- Wait… Are you going to buy your passage NOW? - Chris asked shocked.  
\- SEE?! I told you that it was insane. - Yuu entered the conversation unable to hold back.  
\- Doesn't matter! She won't let me pay! - Victor entered too.  
\- She WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY??! - He pulled my cheeks.  
\- But-  
\- If you pay, I will kill you and won't talk to you ever again!  
\- WHAT?  
\- Let this shit brother of yours pay things for you for the rest of his life!  
\- Hey! - Victor protested. - but yes, let me pay.  
\- I-  
\- So we are agreed. - Victor and Chris nodded to each other. - take good care of her.

This time Victor took my hand and pulled me.

\- Ran, Irina!

I let myself be lead and looked behind to Chris saying “I love you” soundless. Chris smiled the cutest smile blushing and waved at me.

\- You better tell me everything later! - he said already far from me.  
\- YOU BET I WILL! - I screamed waving back.

Yuu and Victor exchanged a glance and smiled too.


	21. 20

We entered the plane and with Victor’s Prince Charming smile he convinced the lady to change her seat with me, so we were all together. Yuu sat beside the window, Victor in the middle and I beside the corridor, a second before we having to turn off the cellphones, I gave a quick call that let my companions curious. It was understandable since the voice on the other end sounded absolutely revolted and I was talking in Russian.

\- Thing is, I still had classes in university this month…  
\- WHAT? - They said together.   
\- It isn't vacations, you know? So I negotiated with one of my teachers that have some influence there. I will have to turn this trip in an exchange program.  
\- WHAT? - They said again.  
\- Well, this is not difficult for me. I already speak Japanese fairly well, but the condition is that I take the exam of proficiency and have some remarkable results.

I didn't hear what they were talking anymore, my vision blurred as I felt everything was solved. Then everything went dark.

I woke up in a futon. I was drenched in sweat and with a huge headache.

\- How are you feeling? - Yuu asked me. I looked to the side to find him sitting in seiza by my side. He was in comfortable clothes and was preparing a new towel to put in my forehead.  
\- Hmmmm… what happened? - Yuu smiled softly.  
\- You passed out. - I was shocked and tried to sit.  
\- Not yet, okay?  
\- ……. Okay… - I put my hand on my throat. Yuu noticed and asked me if wanted a cup of water. He went out of the room and I ended sleeping again.

The second time I woke up my head was better. So I sat slowly beside the bed was a cup of water. I drank and investigated my memory searching for clues of what happened after I turned off my phone. In vain.

Yuu came back with my bag.

\- Choose some clothes and go take a bath, please. Will be good for you now.  
\- Yuu?   
\- Yes?  
\- Can you make me the favor to tell me what happened? - I said irritated already, not really his fault.  
\- Oh. Well, you fainted and fell over Victor's shoulder… You must have seen his face! - he chucked. - he was worried sick, but happy. - I blushed a little.  
\- Oh, you shouldn't blush! You just recovered from a fever!  
\- Nobody dies from blushing. - I said blushing a little more.  
\- Nobody excluding you. - he laughed and somehow looked a lot more mature than I thought he was. He put my hair behind my ear and my heart skipped a beat. - Anyway, I was worried too but told him to let you sleep. When we arrived I carried you until the taxi.  
\- NOOOOOOO. SO SHAMEFUL!  
\- W-wasn't so bad…  
\- Yuu, you are hiding something!  
\- N-not at all… - I thought for a bit and…  
\- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T TELL ME! There were reporters waiting for you and you were carrying me!  
\- Y-you are quite smart. - I just thought about how Japan must be proud of him.  
\- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SUCH A RIDICULOUS WAY OF BEING PRESENTED TO THE WORLD. “Victor’s newfound sister faints in the plane and is carried all the way out of the airport”!  
\- WAIT wait wait! Wasn't that bad! Victor is good with the media! He disguised you before we left and when asked he said it was a fan that couldn't take the emotion of meeting him.  
\- Wow, that is impressive, and he even made his popularity rise… - I sighed relieved. - but to this point, there must be a lot of rumors about me. I walked around the competition normally.  
\- Nothing too big yet.  
\- I see…  
\- Ah! In the taxi here you slept in my shoulder and Victor got jealous! - he laughed and I ended laughing too, lightening the mood. - we called a doctor and he said that was a cold together with mental exhaustion.   
\- See? I was almost right… oh, hells! Your family! I couldn't greet them!  
\- W-

I got up and checked if I was at least properly dressed and left the room. The first person I found was Victor. He was wearing a Yukata and that vision made me freeze. #*÷9$#*@£#¥$$&÷^... suits him unfairly well… He noticed me and came quickly to check on me.

\- How are you feeling? - I could see he wanted to touch me but was hesitating. I smiled at him.  
\- Much better, I will take a bath soon, but can you show me Yuu’s family?

Yuu caught me up in the next moment worried. But Victor had an excited expression and took me by the hand. In no time I was in a kotatsu beside my brother and all Yuu’s family were flocking around me.

\- This is my little sister! - my brother said full of pride. Seeing all the happy and glad reactions of his relatives after Yuu translating to them, I understood that Victor was happy to be able to present his family to someone for the first time.  
\- Happy to meet you all, I am Irina. - I said in Japanese.  
\- Oh my! Yuuri, she speaks Japanese! How come? - said an old lady, probably his mom.  
\- I study several languages, madam. Japanese language and culture are very interesting.   
\- Oh, she is so polite! But you don't need to be so formal! I am Yuri's mother.

Soon they all introduced themselves and the room was very lively. Victor kept smiling proudly even if he didn't understand a word.

\- So tell us a bit about you! - Yuu’s sister asked. I glanced at Victor thinking a little. Victor also didn't know anything about me, but if I explained to them he wouldn't understand. And have someone translating every phrase isn't that nice. So I decided to be honest.  
\- Actually, I grew apart from Victor all this time, so he doesn't know me properly… it is okay for him to be the first one to hear about me? 

The family went quiet, but soon they made understanding faces.

\- Just the basic in enough, darling. - his mother said.  
\- Okay… hmm… I study international relations and I am a polyglot. For now, I am working helping my university teachers in general affairs. None of them speaks that much languages after all, but they are masters in some. They pay me well and I have some money my father gave me through the years, so I am searching for a house to live alone.  
\- Ohh! That is pretty nice, you must be really intelligent! How many languages do you speak? - Yuu’s father complimented me, so I blushed and smiled.

They were all really warm people, after talking about myself a little they sent me to bath and said they would prepare dinner. When I entered the room, Victor was there holding the fan I always carry around. I froze.


	22. 21

He left the table first?? When?????

Victor smiled at me blushing.

\- Hehe. - what was that laugh!  
\- Uh. Hmmm… - I just blushed.  
\- Irina? - he asked in a boyish tone.  
\- Y-yes?  
\- This fan… - I flinched even if I knew what was coming next. - … is mine, isn't it?  
\- …………………………. Yes… - I blushed fiercely and put both hands on my face.  
\- How long are you using it?  
\- Since the beginning. - I admit mortified and blushed more.

Victor approached me and started FANNING ME. Talk about humiliation!

\- Yes, I am attached to you! Got a problem with that?! - I said red and nervous. Instead of answering Victor hugged me.

My heart nearly stopped.

\- I want to know more about you…  
\- You will… how about we go out and talk tomorrow? - I asked pulling my head away from his chest.  
\- It's a promise! - Victor seemed a small kid, truly.

He released me and left the room so I could prepare for a bath. What unbelievable development. Shit! I need to mail Chris. I quickly picked my phone and send 7 messages screaming and like 20 telling about what happened. And a bit more screams. I picked everything I needed and before I left I just had time to receive one reply: “Jesus, girl. Shouldn't asked for news.” I stood and left the room laughing to myself.

The bath was quiet and warm in an onsen, was my first time, but since I went alone being naked wasn’t much of an issue. I think they let me alone so I was able to rest. I dressed a deep purple sweater and black comfortable pants. I more or less dried my hair and threw a towel over my shoulders. Since I was feeling much better I decided that I should study since I slept so much already.

Again I encountered Victor while searching for the dining room. He looked at me disapproving my choice of clothes.

\- Why aren't you in a Yukata? - he seemed a bit more relaxed around me.  
\- Why should I be? - after snapping at him about the fan, responding back at him like this felt more natural.  
\- Wrong question, why not? - we both chucked.  
\- Oh, yeah! Victor, where will be dinner?

He made a fake upset face for my change of subject and guided me to the kotatsu again. I am ashamed to admit, but I am used to eating in a fancy way. So instinctively, I thought that there would be another room for eating. We sat beside each other and the silence took place again.

\- Hmm…. - I tried to think about a subject but failed.  
\- A- hmmm… - Victor began. - do you only like dark colors?  
\- Huh?  
\- I mean… you are dressing dark again now. - it took me a moment to get his point.  
\- Oh, no. It's just that I like dressing dark when is cold, I think it suits me.  
\- Ah, I see… - silence again.

After some moments I started blushing lightly. This silence is really uncomfortable and kind of embarrassing. I have tons of things to ask, but all of them are creepy because it shows how much I know about him already. Way to go, stalker.

\- Irina, how much languages do you speak? - he lifted a finger in desperation for a topic and in English (don't know why), his smile was a little forced.  
\- Ah! 10! - I answered the same question before to Yuu’s parents.  
\- 10???? - He looked awfully surprised. - is it even possible?   
\- Well… I grew up ever since I was a baby speaking 3, like you… I just invested more in it ever since someone suggested it to me, and I was young then. But I guess I reached my limit. Maybe I could speak at maximum one more. - I put a hand on my chin thinking. - but that wouldn't allow me to learn really properly the others… you see, I am always revising and learning new expressions…  
\- That is really amazing! We are speaking English now, and you speak Russian and Japanese. What more?  
\- Hmm… Russian, English, Japanese, Thai, Chinese, Italian, French, Portuguese, Spanish and German. - I said counting on my fingers.  
\- Wooooooow! Why these ones? - he was reacting so impressed that it started to make me shy. I blushed a little more.  
\- Well, Russian, English and French were father’s decisions, you learned too…  
\- Yes.  
\- … then that person I mentioned was half Italian and he taught me. Since I knew two Latin languages I decided to learn the other two. German was useful and similar to English to a certain extent and the other three were choices I made between oriental countries.  
Chinese I get why. Japanese makes sense too… but Thai?  
\- Well, I totally love that film, The King and The Skater? So…  
\- My god! Phichit will be so happy! - Yuu entered the room, his statement made instantly nervous and I blushed a bit more. - you should talk to him about it!  
\- S-should I?! - hearing my answer, Victor in the same second started to investigate my face. HELLS WHY ARE YOU CLEVER ONLY IN THIS TYPE OF STUFF?!!!


	23. 22

Yuu started to prepare the table, but it occurred me that wouldn't be enough space to six people. But before I could ask about it, Yuu smiled and said that his parents had already eaten. Kind of unsure what to do as I watched the siblings working, I stole a glance at Victor, wondering how much did he actually understood. He was following Yuu with his eyes deep in thought. I smiled happily.

\- I am so happy for you. - I let it out without thinking. Victor got surprised and looked back at me. I would have made an excuse, but I said in Russian so I couldn't have said it to Yuu…  
\- ……. Hmmm…. Why? - I smiled troubled. WHAT NOW, IRINA? EXPLAIN YOURSELF.  
\- Sis, there is a hashi for Irina?! - Yuu asked his sister from the kitchen (Japanese here, of course). We, Russian brothers, kept shut looking at each other.  
\- You mean the new ones that mom wants to use for each new important person you bring home?! - she replied. What an awkward situation, God.  
\- The way you say it makes me look popular!  
\- And are you not?! started to be really worried about this… Victor didn’t take his fucking eyes out of me!! He wouldn’t allow me to run away from this.  
\- I AM NOT!! - STOP SHOUTING, YOU TWO!!! - Anyway, mom will be very angry if we give her normal ones. Victor and Yurio already have theirs!!  
\- Well, go out to buy some then! - Don’t you guys want to talk in the KITCHEN?!!  
\- Alright!!! - I put both hands in my face since the interruption ended.  
\- W-well… - I breathed deeply. I looked at him seriously. - I know that you were unhappy all this time. - Victor seemed reeeeeally shocked.  
Why do you say that?  
\- I could tell from looking at you when you thought nobody was… - I gulped. - I AM A STALKER. - FORGIVE ME, GOD. Victor just kept froze in place. I started to laugh uncomfortable.  
\- What do you know about how I felt? - he asked sharply. OH VERY NICE, IRINA.   
\- Not that much, brother… I just… - I lifted my shoulders. - I just guessed what could be making you so sad. I had some hypothesis, but there was nothing I could do, so I didn't want to bother you further. But I was always worried and wanted that something really exciting happened to you, but more than that, I wanted someone to enter your life so you wouldn't be alone anymore… and then this person could face whatever it is with you…  
\- ……. - when I looked back at him, Victor was crying really big and diva tears. I had no reaction for some seconds, then Yuu’ sister noticed him.  
\- Are you okay? - She asked in poor English putting a hand on his shoulder, I felt horrible. - I thought you guys were having an important conversation…  
\- I-I guess we were… - I said feeling guilty. - I am sorry, Victor-

He started sobbing... I lost my ground. WHAT SHOULD I DO?! I put my fingertips on my forehead and thought deeply. Desperation wouldn’t help.

\- Mari !! - she flinched. - Come with me to the kitchen, please!

We both stood and went to the kitchen.

\- Show me everything you guys have that I can use! Please! - I bowed before her, in a sincere manner.

She got really surprised but agreed. We started looking at everything that was available. The only thing that occurred me was using my trump card. I have two hobbies, running and making drinks. This was my bet. After deciding what I was making, I started to prepare it. I thought that a bit of time alone would help him, he wouldn’t want to cry that much in front of Yuu’s family.

I came back with three cups and served us.

\- Victor? - he was calmer and stopped crying, but his face was red and he looked really disturbed. I HATE MYSELF. He turned to me when I called. - Hmm… here is a drink I made you…

He took one without saying a thing, took a sip and his eyes brightened instantly. Mari sat with us.

\- Here drink with us too. - I said in English this time, inviting her to be with us. She accepted and gave it a try.  
\- OH MY GOD! This is so good! - she energic said.  
\- Hehe! - I smiled proudly. Victor seemed to relax a bit. I think both of us like good alcohol.  
\- Thanks… - he said quietly and sighed. - … I was angry for being exposed in front of you all this time, I always tried my best to hide. - Victor was speaking in English, but Mari didn’t try to understand what was happening.  
\- I am sorry…  
\- But at the same time I was very happy to know that you were taking care of me and worrying… and I was happy that you know what all this means to me. - he did a gesture pointing to all the room. Of course, he meant “all this situation”, including Yuu, Japan, his family and all else.  
\- You are welcome. - Mari smiled and messed with Victor’s hair. He held another tear, but a happy one this time.

We stayed a bit in silence while drinking.

\- But that is really good indeed! - Victor said cheering up, his cheeks were a bit redder.  
\- Thank you! - I replied gladly.  
\- Yeaaaah… - Mari agreed in a definitely drunk voice. HOW COME? - Say, how much time were you apart?  
\- Seventeen years. - Victor answered her, with his chin rested in his palm.  
\- Wowwwwww… That is long! - Then she gave us a really big smile. - Having a younger sibling is troublesome. We always want to know what is happening, want to act mature in front of them and don't want them to discover our flaws… BUUUUUT... they are forever cute and angry at you pissing them! HEHE! And they will discover our flaws anyway if we are close! BEFORE you EVEN realize they are already more mature than you sometimes… HIC - she closed her eyes and stopped talking.

Victor and I looked at each other and started laughing really hard. Then Yuu arrived.

\- Wah! What happened?!! - he was shocked and stopped at the door with market bags.

A second in silence and then we laughed again, this time Mari laughed together.


	24. 23

Yuu was confused but sighed and finished the preparations. 

\- Mom, dad! It's done! - he called in Japanese… (there isn't an easier way to indicate the language here? I speak way too many in just one conversation).  
\- Why are you calling them? - I asked confused.  
\- Hehe. - Yuu didn't answer. - Come on, Sis. Drink some water and sober up.  
\- Yuuuuuri! You have… hic… you have to try her drink! - she said that and hugged me. I flinched but stayed still.  
\- Jeez, don't give trouble to people. - he sat beside her and pulled her to his chest. He passed her the cup and helped her drink.

Seeing this my heart ached. So brothers can be this close? I could feel Victor presence beside me.

\- But both of you are perfectly fine, huh? - Yuu said in English.  
\- Well…  
\- Well… - we said at the same time.  
\- It's because you guys are Russian? - Yuu laughed.  
\- That is prejudice.  
\- That is prejudice. - this time we looked at each other shocked.  
\- You guys are really siblings, aren't you? - he laughed more. - speaking at the same time and saying the same thing happens, but your reaction to it was just too similar!

I blushed fiercely, Victor just a bit. Well, that is different. Yuu’s parents arrived. They sat just near the kotatsu. I thought it was really strange. Yuu stood up pulling his sister by the hand. They came back with REALLY amazing food. What is this???

\- Tcham! - said Mari.  
\- Katsudon! - said Yuu. 

Victor got really excited suddenly. All the family was shining in excitement. I was confused but prepared myself to take a bite.

\- No, no! You guys have to eat at the same time! - said his mom.

Yuu took out a CAMERA??

\- NOW!!! - all the family said together.

We took the bite synchronized. OMG!! SHIT WOW! I put a hand in my cheek overwhelmed.

\- Delicious!  
\- Delicious! - we both said in Russian, unable to hold in.  
\- Heart-shaped mouth!!! THEY REALLY DID IT! - They screamed and Yuu took the photo. They all started laughing and I blushed. Victor kept chewing clueless.

Then with a hand on his belly, Yuu, almost crying from laughing, showed us the photo. There was both of us with the same heart-shaped mouth that I always thought was cute in my brother. I blushed hard. Victor got really happy and took the camera from Yuu’s hands. I looked at him and he was making a really affectionate and warm expression. He noticed me looking and smiled sincerely. Then Victor asked for everybody to get close in English and took a selfie. Chewing still, he posted it totally satisfied, and somehow I was too.


	25. 24

Some seconds later, I realized that he POSTED it. P O S T E D 

\- VICTOR! THEY WILL SEE ME IN THE MEDIA!  
\- AH!  
\- OH, WHATEVER! IF THAT IS THE CASE I WILL USE THIS IN MY FAVOR!

All Katsukis were watching me frantically use the cellphone. I had some seconds before someone comment in it. So I went to the photo and put an “Oh, big brother! The first photo of our first travel together!! Let's post a lot more!”. Doesn't sounds like me, but whatever. Milliseconds later people were already commenting: “who is this girl?” “a sister? This profile must be fake”. Well, I really had no pics in my profile and my name was oddly suspicious AND I had no friends there at all, I just followed people. Actually… it is kind of creepy. So next thing, without a single pause, I took a selfie leaving the background visible in purpose and changed my profile’s photo. So was clearly me.

\- Vitya! - I called him totally absorbed and shook him up. - PLEASE, comment something in my profile! Now!

Victor blushed and picked his phone. Next, I went changing my name and other details. Later I can give explanations about what was happening. The important thing was to make this reliable and positive. Don't wanna speculations.

Then someone post in it. I went to see thinking it was Victor. But NOOO. It was Chris. He said: “Oh, girl. Finally! I think it means that I can post a lot of pics of you now, huh?”. A LOT OF WHAT? HOW? WHEN? PLEASE DO NOT PUT ANYTHING EMBARRASSING!!!!! Then the first came.

It was me in the bar. My hair was down and messy. But the ambient had a beautiful color and I had a defiant smile on my lips that made me kind of seductive…

Then a terrible thought occurred me. He took photos that would make me kind of femme fatale. That would kill me from embarrassment. Before I could react, the second came.

It was me taking a nap in a couch. Don't remember when it happened. I was with a very well done ponytail, a clue that wasn't me who done it. My clothes were not covering me properly but didn't show much. Again, seductive, but in another way. My fears raised.

Then, I caught a quick glimpse of the next and smashed my head on the table. It was me after running, passing my hands through my hair. It was like a model of a magazine! And to make things worse Chris wrote: “my beautiful lady, best genes!”. It got me so worked up that I replied there and not in private. “STOOOOOP” and he just “don't be shy! Let's put some more!”. Then he sent 25! There were cute ones, seductive ones, funny ones… man! When!?

And I was the stalker?!

Then he sent “proud of my BFF. Go conquer your place beside your brother!” with a pic of me and one with Victor in a really similar position that made me look just like him. He helped me out, didn't he?

I looked to the side and Victor was SAVING ALL OF THEM. My heart can't deaaaaaaaaal with it. When I thought things couldn't be worse YUU POSTED TOO. COME ON, GUYS! Was our pic with heart-shaped mouths. But was in his camera! I looked at him and he was with his PC!!!!!! When? WHEN???? Before I could speak, messages came flooding in my profile. Until finally: “My sis is so lovely!”. I stopped still for a second and suddenly Victor gave me a kiss on the cheek, but he didn't move and I heard a “click”. As realization slowly came to me. My face went in flames. “kiss… cheek… photo? Kiss? Media?! What? NO! My… so. $^@@&@£#^@£@... I AM SO HAPPY! NO, NOT NOW! BUT, OH MY SO CUTE!”. My heart went crazy and infinite messages came when Victor really did post it.

Well…

I am done for.

I saw the cup of water that Yuu brought to his sister and I simply threw it in my face. Cool it down, yes.


	26. 25

Everyone got really scared since I had already hit myself and threw water. But somehow this really-worked-up way of life, so full of energy is me entirely. And somehow I think they understood that. For some minutes I stayed put with water dripping from my hair, putting all the pieces together. Victor kept saving everything with his cheeks a bit red and his eyes shining. From time to time he would slip a “hehehe…”. Maybe being doting and creep is in the genes too. Yuu was humming and shutting down his computer. Mari was already sleeping on the floor. His parents went to search a towel I think.

Then, make a bet. Who would want to embarrass me more? Who would be able to? Yes! Yuri. My childhood friend Yuri. He posted a photo of me in my teens with a hand on the face frustrated and a fallen ice cream in my lap, while I held the rest of it with my remaining hand. I looked comically miserable. And he even wrote: pathetic moments of Irina, 2012”.

\- Aaaaahhh, COME ON?! WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE THERE IS MANY OF THEM?!

But he didn't post anymore. It kind of made me sad… and strangely enough, I made me miss him… a lot. I thought of responding him, but didn't know how… we never were warm with each other, but I (hate to admit) like him very much. 

A drop of water fell on the screen and instead of drying it, I focused on it and thought to myself what I can do about him. I sighed and bitterly blocked the cellphone. I laid on the ground and looked to the ceiling, remembering the times both of us laid beside each other in Grampa’s house and slept.

Victor laid too and smiled. Cute. Yeah, I guess that being close to those you love is what truly counts. I took courage and came close to him to rest my head in his arm. He blushed but didn't say anything. Yuu looked at us and turned to his parents to ask a tea. The rest of the night passed while we listened to the calm conversation between the couple and their son, with their voices down. We could also hear Mari’s deep breath. Victor and I didn't talk, just felt each other warmth without moving. I guess both of us were thinking about our connection and the time lost. 

When we all went to our rooms, a futon was laid for me in Victor’s closet. It won't work for me later, but it will be enough for tonight. Before we went to bed, Victor called me sweetly. I turned to him and he raised a hand with his palm facing me. I instinctively put my hand on his, palm to palm. I could see how bigger his was, and how different it was from my blurry memories. I blushed lightly. Victor looked in my eyes and said:

\- You grew… Your hand used to be this small. - he showed the size with the fingers of his other hand. I smiled and laughed a little.  
\- You remember-  
\- Of course. - he sounded so certain that my heart raced.   
\- …. Yeah… I grew… - I looked at the ground shyly. - Brother?  
\- Hmm?  
\- I love you. - Victor gasped.

I quickly took my hand out of his and raced to the closet, closing the door behind me. I didn't give him the chance to respond. Not that to this point I thought he could not answer me back… but I got so nervous… My heart beat fast and I didn't move from the door.   
I didn't hear Victor laying in his bed either. Some minutes passed in this mental tension I created.

\- I love you too. - I heard him in a voice moved by tears, but strong with deep feelings. I could just cry too on the other side.

I went to bed and so did he.


	27. 26

In the next morning, I woke up early and thoughtlessly opened the closet door. My first vision of the day was Victor changing clothes. 

Oh

My 

God.

I instantly closed the door with all my strength. And my head started the process of forgetting the vision.

\- I guess my sister has a complex. - he said laughing.  
\- SHE DOES NOT! - I opened it again fiercely.

Victor was finishing dressing this time and was laughing cutely. Well, sorry but for me it was awkward.

\- Oh, yes! Irina, why didn't you called my name before we went to bed in the same way that before?  
\- Before?  
\- Yeah.  
\- ………… don't know what are you talking about. - he froze in place.  
\- N-never mind. - he said really upset.

I got really confused and had absolutely no idea of what he was talking about. He left the room saying nothing more. 

I changed clothes puzzled and closed my bag, more or less neatly. I went downstairs and found Yuu’s mother.

\- Hmm… Hiroko-san, good morning.  
\- Oh, darling! Good morning!  
\- Well… you see, I wanted to thank you for letting me stay last night.  
\- Oh! This isn't needed, sweetheart!  
\- I packed my things so I can search a hotel today.  
\- What?! No way! Toshia, darling!!! - she called loudly. Oh, please, don't make a commotion.  
\- Yes? - he came.  
\- She said that she is going to a hotel!  
\- Oh, girl. Please, you are welcome here! - he pleaded too.  
\- But…  
\- Was the closet so bad? - asked the father.  
\- No, no. Isn't because of that. I have too much stuff, that is all.  
\- But you have just one big bag… - Hiroko said.  
\- Well, actually…

We went to Victor’s room and I took my bag out. Yuu and brother appeared on the door.

\- What is happening? - Yuu asked.  
\- She wants to leave! - said Toshia.  
\- What?? - Yuu got surprised and let Victor confused about the situation.  
\- Calm down! It's just because I have too many luggage.  
\- Actually, I thought that this bag is quite big… I thought you weren't the type of girl who carries the all beauty stuff with you. - he said shyly.  
\- Hmm… truth is… I am not. - I opened my bag and revealed piles and piles of books and notes. - it is almost all study material.

They all went one step behind shocked.

\- Do you always carry all this with you? - Yuu asked.   
\- Yes. Every time. I think studying languages is something you never finish doing. There is always something you didn't know…  
\- Wow, that is called overdoing it. - said Mari, looking through everybody’s head. I gave them an awkward smile.  
\- The thing is… I need to study a lot this time… so I need a room with space and a table, good light and where I can be in silence for long periods of time.

They all went quiet for a minute, Victor kept looking between them and me.

\- Oh! There is a simple solution! - Hiroko said and clapped her hands together. Then she lifted a finger and said: - You just have to use this room! Victor can simply sleep with Yuri!  
\- What?! - Yuu became glowing red, I made an effort not to laugh.  
\- Or maybe she should go to Yuri’s room since here has a bigger bed… - pointed out Toshia.  
\- No, no, no, no, no, no! - protested Yuu waving both hands in despair.  
\- Come on, Yuri, you guys kissed for the whole world to see. It's too late to be shy. - Mari said tired of all the denying. Yuu stopped wordless and I couldn't help but laugh hard. Victor was already giving me pity at that point.  
\- You see… Hahaha… everyone here, at least, think about the two of you as boyfriends. - I said trying to calm down. And stood up walking in their direction.  
\- That is true! Lovers wouldn't be enough, right? - Mari asked and all the three of us nodded in agreement. Yuu fell in his knees defeated.

I got beside Victor and he whispered to me in Russian “Are you guys bullying him? What are you guys discussing?”. I laughed more and answered in his ears: “I need a room, brother. Would you sleep with Yuu?”, his eyes sparkled with excitement. I laughed more and Yuu glanced at us suspiciously. I put my arm around my brother and asked out loud in English:

\- You guys are dating, right? - Everyone focused on the obvious couple. Victor smiled approving the question.  
\- N-  
\- Are we, Yuuri? - Yuu tried to deny, but Victor corned him. All of our eyes were on Yuu now.  
\- W-w-w-we.... - Every “w” that left his mouth let him redder. He looked around at us searching someone to save him, but no one stopped looking any less than delighted with the situation. He clenched his fists. - We will! But I won't ask him out this way!

And he left running. We all laughed and Victor was blushing really happy.

\- You look like a princess, brother!   
\- Oh my, can't help it. - he put both hands on his cheeks.


	28. 27

\- Well… - said Mari after a while that her parents left. - … go to Yuri’s room and…  
\- Hmm… I think is better to wait for Yuu’s confession, I can stay in the closet one more day. - I tried to be considerate.  
\- Yuu’s confession.... - Mari felt how it sound in her mouth. - must be amazing! - she gave a boyish smile.

She left and I decided to go choose my cloth for today. I sat in front of my bag and when I looked to the side Victor SAT TOO?! He stayed there observing me.

\- What the hell, Brother?  
\- … I liked better how you called me before. - that again?  
\- …. Sorry, I think...

He didn't move. I wondered what was his intentions. But decided to act normally. I looked at my options. I had a red stylish coat that I could use with a beautiful black legging, but I tend to the dark so… I voted for a green military coat, with dark pants and black boots. Like it. But before I could reach it, Victor held my hand. I stared at him confused, he said nothing and pulled my hand in the direction of the red coat.

\- Oh, come on!  
\- Oh, please I want to see you dressing colorful things! - we discussed I forcing my hand to the military look and him to the elegant one.  
\- You… just… saw me… for two days!!! - I said making a lot of force.  
\- But I bet you ALWAYS use it! In the bar, you were wearing a dark green dress. - okay, he saw me in three looks.  
\- But still....! Why.... does… it matters?? It's… beau...ti...ful…!!! - “My arm can't keep it! Shit! He is a lot stronger than me”.  
\- For me, please! - he made a horrible cute face. SO UNFAIR.

….

\- I'm so happy that you agreed! - Victor was brushing my hair after I changed. Yes, I am in red.  
\- Happy that you managed to coerce me, you meant. - I said angrily.

Instead of answering, Victor started humming. He was doing something in my hair that I couldn't see. But at this point, I didn't care anymore. He can do what he wants.

After a while, the man picked a scandalous mirror of his room and gave to me. He had done a really beautiful hairstyle, with braids and a bun, but my hair was partly down… I think. Don't know even how to describe it! Too complex for me. But it was outstanding for sure. And it got pretty good with my clothes. Of course, he chose also the accessories and the shoes. 

Conclusion: a modern and stylish princess.

It was beautiful, but I don't like to stand out that much, so I got really shy. Victor on the other side was very proud of the result and was taking pictures of me.

When he took my makeup bag, I…

\- Don't EVEN try!!!  
\- It won't hurt!  
\- My ass!  
\- I will do it very lightly!!  
\- Noooo! - but he was already with the torture instruments in hand with a pleading face, more irresistible than the last.

After was an eternity for me, I could look to the mirror again. It was indeed light. Didn't have many colors but what he made with the eyeliner was incredible. And made me a movie star somehow. I just looked at him without words. His answer was to take another photo and:

\- Oh my, I am a genius.  
\- How did you get this good?  
\- I just dreamt about the day I could dress up my little sister. I imagined myself doing it when you were little, but… your adult version isn't half bad! Of course, I did it to myself too.  
\- Ahh! And I thought you were being serious!  
\- But I am! How rude! - I ended laughing and he did too. He came and hugged me from behind and took a selfie of us.

He posted it with “me and my sister before going out”.

\- Will we go out?  
\- You promised me!  
\- Oh right!  
\- How insensible of you to forget!!  
\- I am joking! Relax relax!

We stepped out of the onsen to receive a crowd of reporters. JESUS, SO MANY!


	29. 28

It didn't surprise me to have reporters waiting for me, but not this much. I looked at Victor searching for help.

\- You struggling with shyness is really cute! - WHAT THE HELL?! NOT EVEN CHRIS PROVOKE ME THIS WAY!!!  
\- You are a sadist. - I said in a calm tone and with a media smile for those who watched us.

Chris always would make me embarrassed because of his blunt way of dealing with me, always absurdly honest and he would expose himself to the world in no moment. Manly in an erotic way. But that was it.

But Victor! I am discovering that he likes to manipulate the situations in an innocent way. He toys with me but doesn't get me mad for real. It's cute and at the same time unfair. So that is the deal: I resist everything that my friends try to do to provoke me, and for you, my brother, I won't simply give you what you expect.

In Chris case, I beat him. In Yuri, I provoke him back.

So I face them. 

\- Excuse me! Are you really Victor Nikiforov’s young sister?!  
\- Are you a skater too?!  
\- How old you are? Are you in a relationship?!  
\- Where have you been all this time?!  
\- There are issues in your family?  
\- What are you intend to do now?!

… what a harassment.

\- Good morning! - I gave them my most shining smile. They went quiet at the same time.  
\- Wow! - Victor whispered.  
\- I am Irina Nikiforova, 21 years old. Unfortunately, I’m not a skater. - I said politely faking a mature and composed nature. Better than the cute and pure rich girl role I always played.  
\- What is your occupation?!  
\- I am a student of International Relationships. I am now searching for work where my knowledge in languages can be used.  
\- But… you don’t dance or anything of the sort? - said a journalist that looked more like a gossip writer.  
\- I am sorry, but I am not.  
\- Is that because you didn’t want to be compared to him and fail? - that made my inside voice scream and I got silently looking at him, imagining him burning. Always smiling kindly, of course.  
\- Well, I and my brother walk different paths, that is all. - I say calmly.

When people ask this type of questions, they don’t think I was forbidden to take the same path as his, and... of course, I would be afraid of comparison! Who wouldn't?! But hear this kind of thing of some outsider hurts! Is kind of deliberately cruel to ask it in this kind of situation!!! But yes, I have my own path, bitch. Chose by necessity, but I like it. Nice to you that could dream about what to do.

\- Miss, where were you all this time? There were any circumstances that kept Victor’s family apart from him?! - HA, this was the one I was expecting!!  
\- As my brother always told you in his interviews, our family is very closed to media affairs. Since he became a famous personality, we were apart. I appeared now just because I became independent, there is not much meaning behind it.

They all went quiet. They all must have come here expecting dramatic revelations, and even if the drama really does exist, I gave them no new clue about it. I thought of finishing this at that moment, but…

\- Did you missed your brother? - asked a woman that hadn’t asked me anything until then, her eyes had a totally earnest look. For some reason, this question, so sincere, made me unable to lie.  
\- Yes. - I answered her without a smile, completely serious. I heard they talking among themselves. And before they could even try to ask more - Therefore, I would like to pass this day with him with no disturbance, if that is okay for you.  
They all went quiet, embarrassed somehow. Maybe I am too pretty to receive a “no” as an answer.  
I made my way between them and Victor followed me. We found Yuu hidden behind a wall nearby.

\- Hmmm! You did well! - Victor said with a satisfied smile.  
\- Shut up!  
\- Irina, about-  
\- Let’s take a walk to the beach? - I knew what he was going to ask, so I interrupted him.

We walked in silence for a time. I was with high heels thanks to Victor, and it was bothering me to no end. I decided pissed that I would check what was happening in my social media. In the middle of a bunch of useless stuff, I saw a post made by Phichit: “good to see that you guys are all fine”.

I stopped on track. Phichit was worried after that scene on China? I felt my cheeks getting hotter. I mindlessly passed my hand in my neck.

Haha! Just like you, Victor! - it startled me. Yuu was pointing at my hand. It made me a bit redder and I looked to the side.  
\- Hmmmmmmm… - I heard right beside my ear. I jump backward just to feel Victor beside me, looking at my phone over my shoulder. - he leaned close to my face and said smirking.  
\- Phichit, huh? - my heart almost got out of my mouth and ran away.  
\- N-no…  
\- Hmm? What? - Yuu asked confused.  
\- You see, Yuuri, she-  
\- NOTHING!  
\- Eh?! - Yuu got a bit scared.  
\- Lik-  
\- Aaaahh!!!   
\- P-  
\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! 

I took a hand of both of them and started running.

\- Let’s run all the way!  
\- Not again~! - Victor cried.

We ran a part of the way, but then they couldn't keep it anymore. Yes, use your mouth to breathe and not to talk…


	30. 29

Right at the end of the hill, a lady selling some unknown food was passing, she was going to turn the corner in no time.

\- Let's buy that!!   


\- WHAT?!   


\- WHAT?! - they said together.   


\- I-it's impossible! - Yuu said still out of breath.

 

I gave them a cocky smile and ran like in my training. In no sweat, I caught her in time. I bought three of that stuff and looked above. God, they didn't run even one-third of the way. I started putting our food above one table I found near the beach. That was when I realized we had arrived. The cold wind danced around me. Like when I ran. I looked at the sea dazed. Slowly I made my way to the sand. 

 

I have the impression that I came to the sea with my brother once… but I was too little. I was absorbed for some time by a strangely nostalgic sensation.

\- Yuuri, wait here a bit?   


\- Sure.

 

I heard behind me, then footsteps came closer to me.

\- Did we come to the beach once? - I asked still looking at the sea.   


\- Yes… just the two of us. - he gave a pause. - Dad was ruling his little world, the babysitter didn't care about us… well, I preferred that way.

 

I watched him with the corner of my eye. He was also looking at the sea. It was like we were drawn by our childhood. Our past was always filled with bitter moments, so I pulled his sleeve softly.

\- Can you tell me about that day? - I smiled at him gently. He smiled back and seemed to be holding back tears all over again.   


\- I would be glad to.

 

_ It was a warmer day than this one. You hadn't woke up yet and I was reading a book in my room. I remember looking to the window and thinking to myself “such a beautiful day!”.  _ Victor chuckled. 

 

_ I always woke up early to school, but I hadn't classes that day. I didn't have anyone to talk to, so mornings like this were always lonely.  _

 

I closed my eyes imaging a small Victor with a book in his lap. He was speaking Russian in a different tone from his interviews and different from how he deals with people. I think he wasn't controlling himself, so his voice had a deep and clean sound. 

 

_ In days like this, I would always pass my time thinking about how to play with you. You were three years old, I think. Dad never tried to make sure you were happy, so I did. And it occurred me take you to the beach, if we went early we would be back before dinner.  _

 

_ I went to ask for permission to the babysitter. She couldn't be more indifferent and gave me her “yes”. If we didn't get hurt, for her, it didn't matter. I ran through the hallways to the car parked outside. The driver was there, like everybody else he didn't care either. He just needed the babysitter permission and he would take us anywhere. _

\- You remember quite well…

\-  Well, it was an important day after all. And! I was 9 already, back then. 

 

_ I went back inside by the back door and stole some food for us. In my way to my room, I kept hiding from the maids. I prepared a bag for us and went to wake you up. I remember, entering your room. It was a little bit dark and you were sleeping all rolled up in your sheets. _

 

Victor gave me a small laugh, I opened my eyes. He was looking at me and it made me blush. He patted my head.

\- Still as messy as always. - I blushed in front of his big smile. He is so adorable!!

 

I made an effort to don’t hug him. I wanted to, but I would hold him so tight that it would hurt. So I just looked to the sand and bit my lips.


	31. 30

_ Gosh, you were so cute! I kneeled beside you and patted you like now. It was hard to bring myself to disturb you. But I ended doing it anyway. _

 

_ I remember you rubbing your eyes with that small and pinkish hands… you were the cutest jewel I had. _

 

GOD! BROTHER! SO EMBARRASSING!

 

_ Hmmm… I don't remember well what I told you. The next thing I recall is me trying to bind your hair. I tried several times but couldn't make it right. Every time I finished you would laugh looking at the mirror. It made me frustrated so I would try again and again. The time was passing so I decided to unbind it and leave that way, but you put your little hands protecting it and told me that you were happy, and wanted to keep your hair done by me all day. _

 

He blushed happily, it made me shy, so I looked away from him.

 

_ I took you by the hand to the car and you showed off your hair to the driver! Haha! It took some hours for us to arrive. In the way, you kept pointing out things on the streets and asking me what it was or saying it was beautiful. If someone could see the face you had when you put your foot on the sand! You were all red from excitement.  _

_ That day we ate ice cream and you made a mess. I swam with you to clean yourself, and you laughed and splashed water everywhere. We had all the beach just for the two of us. After a while, we went to pick shells. _

 

I remember that… I remember my brother smiling face a bit burned by the sun… he sat in front of me in the sand… we gathered a bunch of different shells…

 

_ After collecting a lot, we sat in the sand and spread them. We separated and organized them in our own way. After a while, I looked at how you were doing it. You were separating them by color and shape. It was surprisingly precise. I always got impressed with your intelligence.  _

 

Yeah… I remember he complimenting me… and then I pointed at his organization... I didn't understand it, I think.

 

_ Me, on the other side, were ranking it by how much I like them… I got a little ashamed since you were doing it better than me. But you pointed at my favorites and said: _

 

__ \- Wow! They are beautiful as you, brother!!! _ _

\- Wow! They are beautiful as you, brother… - I said at the same time, Victor got shocked and stared at me. - and? - I tried to encourage him to keep going.

 

_ And… - _ he continued disturbed -  _ that made me really happy. You decided to copy me and tried to identify the most beautiful between yours… saying “this one is like you! This one is not!”. _

 

He laughed pleased _. _

 

I smiled, I don't remember clearly. I just remember the sensation of the sand. The beauty of his shells and that I loved that day.

 

_ After some time I noticed that you had burned your skin a lot. I would be terribly scolded for it. I asked for us to stop and put it away for us to take home. But it was thrown out later, of course… -  _ I saw that he was bitter about it… he must have cried a lot and maybe I also did… he sighed -  _ We stayed under a shade and ate, then you slept in my lap. _

He looked down and I felt like he was imaging himself small with his baby sister sleeping in his lap… thinking about why everything couldn't be more simple and less painful…

 

_ As the sun started to set I put you on my back and started going back to the car… but you woke up… you looked at the sky… and- _

__

\- Bro! Bro! Do you see the colors?! They are like us, right? - I said before him.   


\- ….. You… You remember… - he looked at me pained.   


\- This… I surely do. I remember the sky that day. - that sunset was the first I saw and made me love it forever.   


\- Irina… you slept after that all the way home… what did you mean with it being like us?

 

I smiled at him and leaned on his shoulder.

\- That… is a secret…


	32. 31

Yuu was waiting for us on the table. We came back blushing. One more than the other (who do you think was worse?). He was calm and glad.

\- This is taiyaki, you two! - he cheerfully told us.  
\- Yuu… you are so cute!  
\- What? Competition? - Victor looked at me suspiciously.  
\- Ha?? Of course not! I am not into him!  
\- Hmm… Ohhh yeah? - he gave me a mischievous smile. Oh shit!! I FORGOT!  
\- What is this all about again? - Yuu CLUELESS asked.  
\- Irina… is! In! Love! - I put both hands on my face, burning red. I won't take it anymoreeee!  
\- Ah! - Yuu got excited. - who?

I looked in his eyes with hatred.

\- Just to make it clear! I never spoke to him, so don't make it sound so serious!  
\- Ah! I never needed any real meeting too! And was in love with him anyway! - Yuu froze. Victor let his taiyaki fall in the table and his eyes sparkled. I just choked and started coughing nonstop. He got red, I got red (from being unable to breathe).

Victor put his hand over Yuu’s and got closer. MY GOD! I'M HERE, YOU KNOW?! Actually… YES, KEEP HIM DISTRACTED. But Yuu made the opposite since he was embarrassed.

\- B-b-ut! Who do you like, Irina?? - shit.  
\- I-I...  
\- Come on, sister! I will tell him if you don't!  
\- DON'T BE SO PLEASED! - he gave me a “hehe”... Oh, I will kill him...

I hesitated but answered without choice.

\- It's… Phichit…  
\- Eh? - he got speechless… I guess it really is strange. - but isn't he gay?

…..

G…  
A….  
Y....

\- Ah… of course…

I let my head hit the table.


	33. 32

\- What? For real?! - Victor asked while I didn't give myself the trouble to lift my head.

\- Well… I guess? - Yuu got a little scared of our reaction.

 

But, yeah, makes sense. Did you know about my incredible luck with man, right? All my crushes were gay… every… single… one! Even my friends are!

 

\- I don't want to live anymore… - I let it out defeated.

\- Noooo, sis! I am sure there is more men out there! Maybe one just as cute and eye-catching than him!

\- Or maybe not… - Yuu disagreed.

\- What?!

\- Ah! Sorry! I didn't mean it like that!! I just… Phichit is incredible! I am very proud as his friend!

 

Oh, Lord… I just want to go home.

 

\- Irina, let's talk about you? What do you think?! Anything besides love! - Oh man… that is so pitiful…

 

I lifted my head and put a hand on my forehead that was hurting.

 

\- Ok… - I made myself say.

 

_ As you know, everything changed after you left home when I was four. Nobody gave us a lot of care, but we were more or less free. When you threw everything away for your art, dad changed a lot. I always loved all you did. Your dance, your way to see things… I, at the begging, didn't understand what was the problem. I asked where you were and if I could see you… that innocence gave father enough reason to controls me. _

 

_ And that was when everything got bad. _

 

_ When I asked that things, father said to me that… I couldn't talk to you ever again. Said that you went to the path of undesired kids. _

 

My hands started shaking, to hide it I started to undo my hairstyle. Sorry, bro, after all your hardwork, but I couldn't help it.

 

_ I told him that…. I... told him… that I loved you. And then he said that it was going to pass eventually… -  _ I laughed in disbelief _. - Since I was just four, I was going to  _ **_forget you_ ** _ , he swore to me _ **_._ ** _ That simple idea was too much for me to bear. _

 

_ I would be afraid of falling asleep every night thinking that maybe I simply wouldn't remember you in the next day anymore. _

 

My hands still shaking, gave me something to concentrate on, make them stop, so I managed to keep talking.

 

_ I wrote a diary… since I thought I could forget you. Every day I would write down everything I knew about you. About your dance, your ability with ice skating… your gentleness, your beauty… your voice, your warmth… _

 

_ Everything… didn't matter if it was just a small detail was, I just felt an urge to remember. And every day, our father would find it and destroy it. _

 

I heard a crushing sound just to find Victor with his taiyaki destroyed on his hand. He was staring at me, his face red from anger. But he made me a sign to continue… I stole a glance at Yuu and he had a really pained face.

 

 

\- You were strong by doing this everyday…

 

\- Hmm… yeah… done it so many times… - I returned to the task of undoing my hair. I gave a huge sigh and laughed a bit to myself.

 

 

 

_ …. Ha, I just repeated this for so long that I know all by heart… maybe that was what gave me good memorization capacity? Anyway… _

 

_ Our father also decided after seeing me being so insistent that I should be completely apart from art. Of any kind. -  _ I heard Victor breath in deeply  _ \- At dinner he would put a plate of food in front of me and for each mistake I had committed during the day a part of my food was threw out… Basically he said a could starve or abdicate my right of expression through art. I couldn't draw, humm, dance or whistle. It was hard stopping, after all we all do that somehow, it was suffocating to be unable to do any of that. But… after a while getting hungry, the pressure it caused me… I manage to stop everything. _

 

A strong bang startled me, my brother was with his clean hand on his face and the other one firmly closed in a fist trembling on the table. He must have hit it…

  
\- Please continue, Iri-chan. -  **Iri-chan** ??? I looked at Yuu surprised, but he was serious. Deadly serious. I guess my story was messing with him too…


	34. 33

_ There were people monitoring me at home and at school. It could be the driver, the babysitter, the teachers… and sometimes even my classmates. -  _ I bit my lips, there is simply no way I can say this without crying, is there? I fan my eyes a bit with my hands. _ \- How could I make friends this way? I never knew what kid was being paid to keep an eye on me… so I didn’t want to talk to anybody. It would be too dangerous to bully me, but I was hated for being too serious and cold to people… not even mentioning this payment/threaten part our father done... _

 

_ When I was 10, that driver you knew was fired. He was caught whistling. Nobody could do the things I couldn't, it was considered tenting me. Then… the new driver came… his name was Dimitri. _

 

I smiled a little and dried my eyes that were almost giving up.

 

_ Dimitri was different from everybody. One day he was taking me to school and he asked me if I wanted to learn Italian with him. He was half Italian, you see. He told me that if I knew a language nobody new in home, that could help me to hide things. He told me that if I used my abilities to learn a lot of languages, I could get away from my father and be free.  _

 

_ I was such a sad kid back then… I didn't have fun with anything… but he gave me hope! He taught me how to lie and helped me with everything within his abilities. That art part he didn't dare to, but if you think about, it was really risky. If I was free of that when we were together, I would end letting it scape inside of that house too… _

 

_ Despite that, he would take me in secret to places I couldn't go before and gave me classes in a deserted roadway of a language with a lot of sound and strength. I loved it. _

 

_ The first thing Dimitri asked me was if there was anywhere I wanted to go… I answered him that I wanted to go where I saw you skating when we were little. You know that place in the city? Where a lot of kids play with their families? You took me there several times and I watched you shine in the ice. I missed it so badly. _

 

My tears started flowing against my will…

 

_ Dimitri saved me, you see? I was a lost child incapable of smiling. But he taught me to lie. He helped me with the drawing that sometimes I ended doing in my notebooks when I was suffering or distracted. He would sit with me in the roadways where nobody could see and let me burn it so I could eat properly that day. As I burned my individuality he would always pet me in the head. He was a truly good person in my point of view.  _

 

I sighed an air full of pain, tired. Dimitri…. 

 

_ Chris said that anyone with a bit of heart would do the same… I disagree, I think that Chris is simply as good as _ _him._ \- I smiled to myself, feeling Chris's blunt warmth just remembering his words.

 

_ When I reached that ice again after six years, I was flooding with memories. It got me hard... mainly how I wasn't that happy kid anymore and how you weren't there either. I sat on a bench watching the happy families skating and Dimitri, for some reason I can't recall, needed to stay in the car. _

 

_ After some minutes an old man approached me. I was told to don't talk to strangers, but you see… in general, strangers were best than acquainted people for me. -  _ I gave a bitter laugh.

 

_ That man sat beside me and said that wasn't proper for a kid to have that kind of face. A pained blank face. I told him I was sorry and he sighed saying that this was even more improper. -  _  I started laughing and crying truly… just can't help it! He was always so sweet! -  _ He pointed out a kid among the crowd on the ice. It was a really small blond boy with a stubborn face that was quite good at skating for his small features _ .

_ \- That is Yuri, my grandson _ . - I closed my eyes pleased by that memory.

__\- Yuri? -__ I remembered my small voice curious.

__ \- Yes, he is a good kid. I know he is a lot younger, but you both could be friends. _ _

 

 

 

_ This was how I knew Yuri.  _ \- I felt the wind caring for me as I close my eyes in peace. -  _ Grandpa called him to talk with me, we fought and played several times. The way he never treated me especially and were sincere captivated me. We got closer and closer. I went to meet them at that place a bunch of times and when the ice wasn't proper to skate anymore they invited me to go to their house. _

\- You can't imagine, Victor! How it felt to go there, I was stupid and rude about how they were living, but they never got really mad about it. - I looked at him blushing happily. He managed to smile a bit relieved.

 

_ Grandpa cooked for me, talked and cared for me. At some point, he asked me… to be his granddaughter. I was so so happy, I cried in his lap until I fell asleep. Since then treating them any different from family was what truly hurt them. _

\- I feel blessed to have this family until nowadays _ …. - _ I looked to the sky thinking about them. God... I miss grandpa…


	35. 34

_ After teaching me for a while I could already lie about what I was doing after school since I never reached home on the expected time. I could lie of what was written in my notebook and put it in codes. I could hide that I knew Italian and that I was being taken to watch my brother _ . - I gave a knowing smile to my brother, who looks just like an old male version of me, and put a hand on his cheek.

 

_ I watched you train every time Dimitri thought was safe. I met Yuri there and we would talk about school, about our crap father... Yuri didn't want me to hide from you, but he didn't understand. I am sure that if I had met you I wouldn't be able to hide it. _

 

_ Wasn't long before I mastered Italian too. Dimitri then made a plan with me, where I would be free once I talked enough languages to sustain myself even if  _ **_he_ ** _ tried to sabotage me. It would take at least 10 years, but it gave me more hope than anything until then. That was when I started learning Portuguese. Also, my incredible driver taught me self-defense since he was also a bodyguard and helped me to hide money from allowance while I lied that I spent it in harmless ways. _

 

I stayed quiet for some time staring at the distance. Memories of a home dark and empty. The terrible dinners that were the only time I would see my so great dad… Dimitri and me by the road… our long talks in Italian… Grandpa and Yuri giving me food when I knew I was going to be punished. His warm food… Yuri skating and me cheering for him. Victor on the other side of a wall and I with my chest hurting. The sky, me running. Victor lifeless expression and sad eyes… me on my desk with a lot of books, ideas, and plans, but not a pen with a color different than black.

 

_ At some point, I decided that was for the best if I convinced our father to invest in me doing international relationship course. There I would be able to study better Portuguese, besides what I found on the internet, and other languages. The key was to let him know about just a part of what I could actually do. When I suggested it he got quite satisfied. It would help his business and, for him, I never tried to disobey him anymore. So he would respect my wishes if I justified them so wisely. People thought I was a genius. I don't agree very much… but anyway. _

 

_ Like this, I started learning German and Spanish with teachers at home while studying Portuguese behind the scenes. I asked father to let me travel to put my abilities in real practice and he just let me. That was how I could start watching your competitions if there was one of my languages being spoken in the country. _

 

_ In one of them, I was on the banks and a young Chris called out to me. I was still unable to smile until Chris entered my life...  
_

 

_ Dimitri made possible for me to have peace in that home and was comfortable being with him, he was also responsible for the determination I have today. Plisetsky family was responsible for making me keep believing in being honest, for giving me somewhere I could be a simple kid. Yuri actually helped me to vent stress since we argue all the time. Hahahahaha. _

 

_ Chris… Chris was the one that made me laugh again. He noticed me since I disguised very poorly and his earnestly and straightforward personality made me admire him and open up to him. On the very first day, I had already spit out everything. I got mad at myself because it was totally dangerous. But he became my ally for the rest of my life.  _

\- ...You see?? Strangers are the best when you have bullshit in home every day. Hahaha! - I laughed, but both of them looked mortified… But you know, Diary, Chris is Chris. Nothing in this world made me more positive than him. Just talk about him and I cheer up completely.

 

_ He was so funny and helped me to hide from media before was too late. It was always like we meant to meet, we matched. I really love that guy. I think we met when I was… 13? He had everything to treat me like a child, but he always told me I was too mature for that. -  _ I blushed happily.

 

_ As time passed I entered university and officially was learning Chinese and hidden Japanese and Thai… _

 

_ That end up in today where I kept making favors to multiple teachers and creating a safe web of connections worldwide… I left my lies in the cage I was locked in and searched for you... _

 

_ I guess this is it? _

\- Where is this Dimitri? I want to thank him. - Victor asked me, I would like that to happen too.   


\- I am sorry, Vitya. He was fired too…   


\- Again!   


\- What? - he put a hand on the face.   


\- Never mind… what happened?   


\- When I was 17, father found out about Yuri… some bad stuff happened and… anyway, of course, he realized Dimitri was hiding stuff. It took me a lot of effort to convince him to don't do anything more than that to my Italian friend… he had to leave without telling me anything. I don't know where he is, don't even have his contact…

 

Hope someday we meet again.


	36. 35 - Yuuri's Diary

Irina sure is an unexpected person. I actually thought she and Victor would be totally similar. They have indeed similar gestures and features… but their personalities go straight to different directions. Irina has a much stronger mind but is a lot clueless about her own needs. Victor is really self-centered, so he never misses something he wants or wishes. She is totally shy about her emotional side, but her ideas and her approach to life and people are honest, to say the least. Victor is the opposite, he tends to totally ignore what is around him.

I write those things, but as I write them more I understand how each one got those characteristics … having constantly your inner self repressed made her eyes turn to others, and love what they could do. I think she just didn't envy people to the point of being toxic because she was helped out along the way. Victor left home to be himself, he risked a lot for it. So nothing more appropriate than dedicating everything for it... 

But while a listened to Irina’s story… I felt like I was deeply involved in it. Not just an observer anymore. She stood strong at every word, but her eyes were always distant reviving everything. I felt so sad and angry about her situation. She must have endless unnerving memories that she chose not tell. And all that because one person decided to traumatize her instead of giving her love.

Victor spent all the time struggling and trying to keep calm at that unbearable flow of events. His mind must be a mess of guilty and grief. They didn't tell me how was actually that he left home, but I can imagine how it felt to hear your own sister telling you how she needed you and how your father was the cause.

After finishing her story in a casual tone she stayed a long time looking to her inner thoughts. I couldn't avoid noticing how Victor was disturbed, all his feelings out of control and how she coldly kept hers away. Two people side by side with different answers for life.

\- I… - after so long we heard her voice. It sounded completely different, for the first time deep feelings were present. She wasn't looking far away or distracting her shaking hands. Her expression was much more alive. She was clearly confused.

She bit her lips, probably unsure about how to say it, if she should say it or even what was the feeling that she wished to say. She stayed quiet for a while longer. Her honest eyes were moving errantly as she thought.

Whatever she was going to say, was far more important for her than anything until now. I got tense, I waited nervously for her next sound. If her voice were calmer she gave up opening up something that she probably needs help. Anything could be able to make her let go of this chance, so I didn't move an inch or made any sound. A looked at Victor and he was the same as me, I got a little bit relieved since he realized the seriousness of that moment.

\- I… - gladly it was a really sad voice. Writing this doesn't sound nice, does it??

She passed a hand on her forehead with her eyes still anxious.

\- I… What… what should I do now? - she blinked sometimes and her face got tense while admitting her doubt.

I felt stupid. I was sure she was going about her past, but the future for her was the problem. She always fought for her freedom, but now that she has it, she is lost.

\- There… were always things that I wanted to do, but… - every word came out with difficulty. I didn't dare to say a word. - but… what should be the first? Wha-what must be my priority? I- hmm... 

She went quiet again painfully divided. Victor was still as a rock, but his eyes were focused to pick anything she was willing to give. I looked again at her, hoping. Go, Irina… keep going.

\- I! I wanted to live alone, have my own home… but… I don't even feel comfortable thinking about how it will look like! - she fought against herself, her cheeks getting red. - s-shoul… should- should I- 

She gave an exasperated sigh. Please don't give up!

\- Dreams… - she looked to her hand, her face bearing a huge weight. - I never could have one… I came searching for my brother, but… - she put a hand on her chest, her eyes red. - There is nothing that attracts me... I am so… so afraid… I just survived until now… everything I have done was carefully planned… being free… I- 

She bit her lips angry with herself. Then she whispered:

\- Maybe I don't… - she never completed this sentence. It was probably her worst fear. She went mute and her face went slowly changing for more and more pain and fragility.

Until she covered her face and sobbed. I had to hold Victor arm to keep him from touching her. I bet he never saw her so scared… but she had a bit more to say.


	37. 36 - Yuuri's Diary

\- Say… - she looked for the first time deeply in our eyes. Then she focused on me.

Probably she was deciding if I was worthy of hearing… no probably not, this is probably my low self-esteem talking. But she was indeed deciding if it was a good idea to say it.

\- Hmm… ah… - she closed her eyes feeling suffocated. I thought she wouldn't be able to handle it much longer.

If she decides to tell me, I will help her for the rest of her life, I thought. I am kind of extreme on my decisions and quite stubborn. I am not easily convinced of letting go of an idea. So I really meant it.

\- D-do you think I could be happy?! - she asked already really red in so earnest doubt.

God, so much struggle for such a basic right that everybody has. I myself almost couldn't stand being quiet about it. I squeezed Victor arm with such strength. Don't know if I wanted to warn him or if I wanted help myself.

She laughed and cried to herself.

\- Such a stupid question! It's not like you guys could easily be happy too… I am such a child… - she put a hand on the forehead, closed her eyes and bit her lips.

Then she looked at us with such a broken expression with red eyes. I couldn't understand what was actually breaking her. But she was already closing herself again.

\- You will be able to handle whatever it is. You always did. - Victor said firmly.

She got surprised for some reason but smiled while just one last tear rolled through her cheek.


	38. 37 - Yuuri's Diary

Irina carefully dried her face and from her expression, I could see she was bitter for showing us her weak side.

\- I am sorry about that… I didn't even make sense, right? - she gave us a fake smile. Her face was all red.

We stared at her saying nothing. She got uncomfortable and changed the subject.

\- Hmm… do you guys come a lot to the beach?

Since Victor didn't give a signal of speaking. I felt sorry for her and answered.

\- Victor comes here often when he doesn't feel well. - Victor looked at me angrily.

\- What? Should I not tell her? 

\- Ah! That is nice! I, hmm, also like being outdoors when things get tough. But I like to see the sky and feel the wind! - she lifted a finger and tried to cheer up the mood.

Victor still didn't talk.

\- Haha… Hmm… Irina?  
\- Yes?  
\- Why did you call your brother Vitya just once? - I tried to bring up a subject that would shake Victor up.  
\- Twice. - Victor corrected me, pissed, making me relieved that he at least was talking.  
\- Huh? - she sounded surprised. Victor turned to the other side upset, refusing to face her.  
\- You called me like that when you were talking about me to someone. When you were small… - he said bitterly - I didn't expect you to call me Bro like before, but… Victor, I don't like it.  
\- Eeeeeeeeeh??? - Irina blushed and stood up. - Did I say that? Oh. My. God. ……..

She stayed there for a moment just blushing, Victor still with his back turned to her.

\- Vitya… - he looked to her, but she was suffering from shyness. - THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING!!!   
\- SHUT UP AND CALL ME THAT! - Did Victor snap? Oh, my…

Irina and I just stared at him, shocked. I think that he piled too much stress regarding her, but there was obviously so much affection that it didn't hurt her.

\- V-Vitya… - she sat on the bench, red like a tomato and raised her arms, asking for a hug.

Victor's eyes sparkled and he hugged her tight. So cute this two. She used her brother to hide her face and they spent some time healing from this talk, close like that. I just smiled and took a photo when they weren't looking. It's not something I would usually do, but I think Victor will be rather happy since that was a very beautiful scene.


	39. 38

After I finished getting warm in Vic-, I mean, Vitya arms, I took a glance at my social media again.

 

\- Waiting for Phichit send something? - Vitya provoked me.

\- Shu- - I was going to scream at him, but I remembered that Phichit is gay. Suddenly I felt sad again.

\- A-ah! Look! Chris posted something! - Vitya tried to amend.

 

I looked at it and he had sent more 50 fucking photos! HOW?! I opened them and this time around were a bunch of photos of the both of us together.

 

_-_ __ Why would we take photos? You can't show it to anyone.  _ _

 

__ \- This isn't the only reason why people take photos, you know?? _ _

__ \- In your case it is. _ _

__ \- What?! Ok, it is. But actually… _ _

 

 

 

 

 

_ I believe that one day I will be able to show it off, just you wait… _

 

I smiled to myself really glad. There were photos of my first time seeing him, until nowadays. Wow, it was really nostalgic and made me quite happy.

 

\- Waaa~ Let me see! - Vitya took the phone from my hands and got totally absorbed in it. - wow, you grew a lot!

 

Then he quickly sent all of them to his cellphone after saving his contact on mine. I smiled while watching him. It made me remember when I used Yuu’s photo to fool him. Wait a minute!

 

\- BROTHER! - Vitya got surprised for my sudden angry tone. - WHAT KIND OF SHIT YOU SAID TO YUU BEFORE HIS PRESENTATION??!   
\- I… Well…   
\- He CRIED! What did you do?   
\- A-ah….   
\- Irina… - Yuu intervened. - it's okay…   
\- Okay my ass! He is your COACH! HOW. CAN. YOU. BE. SO.  **FUCKING.** BAD at comforting?! - At each word Vitya was getting smaller since he couldn't deny it.   
\- I-I will do my very best… - he said in a small voice.   
\- Can't hear you!! - I screamed angrily.   
\- Yes, madam!   
**\- Good** . And Yuu!   
\- Y-yes!   
\- That wasn't what I meant about making him unable of holding back! - He seemed to take some seconds to recall  **_that_ ** , then he got so red that I could feel the heat from here.

 

I laughed and Vitya looked at me surprised.

 

\- And what you meant?  _ That _ is  **that** ?!   
\- Hehe! Actually, you did much better! - I said to Yuu ignoring my brother.   
\- Hey! - he insisted.    
\- If you want to know, get better at comforting people!   
\- Yes… - he said like a little boy. And we all laughed.

 

I stretched a little and thought about how my life changed so much already. Maybe I can give Grandpa a present for the first time? He never accepted…

 

\- Irina - Brother called.   
\- Hmm?   
\- Want me to dance for you?

 

My heart raced just thinking about it.

 

\- YES! - he chuckled.   
\- I will prepare something then.   
\- PLEASE! OH! Can you skate something for me? - I dared to ask.   
\- Of course. - OMG! ENVY ME, PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD! - Actually, want me to teach how to dance?   
\- …. What?

 

Normally it would be a happy thing, but… in my case just hearing that made my stomach hurt.


	40. 39 - Yuuri’s Dairy

Victor’s suggestion had the best intentions. After all, now she can express herself, but I just needed to see her reaction to see that it wouldn't be that easy. A life of running from art won't change in a day.

Victor stood up in front of her offering a hand to her. She just stared at it with fear in her eyes. Then he took her hand and pulled her closer. She blushed lightly and her body got really stiff.

“Hmmm... I don't think this is gonna work.” I thought to myself. Victor instructed her to follow his footsteps, but she was too afraid to move. He tried another approach, but she just put a hand over her belly. That was when I decided to intervene. If I imagine a way to help her, I will always do so.

I took both her hands and made she face me. Victor got kind jealous, I think. She nervously looked in my eyes. I smiled gently and put my hand over her stomach.

\- What do you think of katsudon again tonight? - she got surprised.  
\- What? - she asked cautiously. I pulled her closer with my hand still there. I hoped that she understood that I will take care of her pain this way.  
\- Yes, or maybe you would like another thing... - I made our foreheads touch, she is just a bit shorter than me. - ... then we could eat something sweet after too.

Her eyes opened widely and I pushed her one step behind together this way. She flinched and her face contorted a bit in pain. I could see with the corner of my eye that Victor was unhappy by this situation.

\- What do you like to eat, Iri-chan? - I pressed her one step once more.  
\- I-I… - her face was still in pain. I stopped and then pulled her one, two steps forward.  
\- Icecream? Chicken? Bread? - one drop of sweat started forming on her face, but her expression started getting softer.

She started breathing carefully her eyes focused on the ground. I took my hand out of her belly and put my arm around her, adjusting a classic valse stance. I felt she gulping and her hands shaking a bit. But I stayed calm and repeated two behind two forward.

\- I like… pasta. - she answered. I smiled largely and made her turn softly.  
\- Alright, so let's dance like this a bit more and go home to cook dinner! 

We “danced” like this some more.  
I could see her face lightening and blushing as she still faced the ground. After a while, she laughed a bit and asked:

\- Yuu… you are used to teaching people? - she lifted her head for the first time in a while and inclined her head to the side. Made an adorable face.  
\- Well… I majored Dance in college, even if I was learning things for my skating career, I liked the education classes. Dance can be freedom itself, and bring this to people was always very pleasant.  
\- Hmmmmmmm… - she considered it carefully. - So you are somehow a dancer too?  
\- Eh? - that surprised me, maybe this is too arrogant but… - You could say that.  
\- Wow!! - she sparkled with admiration. - what can you dance??  
\- Hmm... tango, street dance, pole dance…  
\- POLE DANCE???  
\- Yeah…  
\- Wooooooooow so bold!! - I laughed and she did too. - I like this Eros Mode you have!  
\- Eh?   
\- Yeah! This overly confident way! I love it! - I blushed and she did too, smiling at me boyish.

We gave some more steps and stopped. I released her and she tripped a bit, still shaken. Victor held her back, pissed.

\- I can't believe I wasn't the one who danced with you first! - he complained.  
\- Well… - she said catching her breath. - maybe you should learn how to deal with people first! - she teased.  
\- Tsc! - Victor turned his back on her, but she ran into him and hugged him. He melted.

They are lovely, aren't they?


	41. 40 - Yuuri’s Dairy

Irina held my hand tightly on the way back. I could feel Victor stare on our backs. She picked her phone and called someone.

\- CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! - she waited for him to answer. - I DANCED! - she jumped twice.

She released my hand and ran a bit ahead. Then she turned to us and walked backward.

\- Yuuri! He is a really good teacher!!! How did it feel? - she looked far into the sky and lifted her hand like she was trying to catch something. Then she pulled her arm back. - was… terrifying… BUT!

She turned her back on us again and ran quickly to a handrail and jumped on it easily.

\- But it had a liberating feeling! - she walked on it like she had done it a thousand times, spinning every now and then.

Somehow her movements are…

\- Did you know that Yuu could do pole dance?! - a pause. - what? You don't seem surprised! He is better than you????! - she brusquely turned to face me far behind. - how did you know?! Wha- wait don't hang up!

She gave a suspicious look and walked backward still up there. Half to change the subject half because it is true, I pointed it out.

\- You know, your movements are almost like a dance!  
\- I- eh?? WHAT- AHH!! - she got surprised and lost balance.

Victor and I ran to her thinking that she would get hurt. But she held the handrail with her legs and one hand in a way she didn't touch the ground. What a reflex! Amazing...

I offered a hand to her, she put her phone on the ground so she had at least one free hand. Then my phone rang.

\- Hello?


	42. 41

Still in that awkward position, Yuu answered his phone. I am still upside down, you know?? He noticed my glare and pulled me.

\- Hello? Phichit?! - ….. this is how you make a heart stop.

I got nervous in the same second. I lowered myself to pick my phone.

\- What? You are coming here?!  
\- Ouch! - I bumped my head on the handrail.

HE IS COMING HERE?! AHHHHHHHHHHH I AM HAPPY AND, AT THE SAME TIME, I AM TERRIFIED.

Yuu distanced himself from us to talk and I looked at Victor desperate. He patted me on the head where I hit it. THAT WON'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER! 

\- Hmmm… guys? - Yuu called. He had come back and was putting his phone back on the pocket. - Phichit wants to come here pass a week traveling with me. He wants to know Japan. He asked me if that would be a problem and if you guys want to come too…

I put both hands on my face. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! Remember Irina: he is gay, he is gay, he is gay, he is gay… Both of them waited for my answer.

\- Of course, he can… - I sobbed and laughed at my disgrace.

Each one took one hand of mine and we walked home. Arriving home, Victo- Vitya said:

\- Yuuri dances a lot of things, Irina speaks a lot of things. Beside other abilities she has... I have other abilities too!  
\- Stop sulking! - I complained.  
\- I will make lunch!  
\- You can cook?!  
\- You can cook?! - Yuu and I asked together.  
\- Uhumm ~ nobody here will starve for dancing. - oh, he was worried… - I also wanna help you. - he said seriously this time.

He went to the kitchen and I followed him.

\- Can I help?   
\- Hmm… even if I would like that, this time is a present, so no. - hmm, he is a bit moody.  
\- So... can I make something for us to drink?  
\- My god! There is still that! Can you stop being awesome? You fight, you run, you are a polyglot and… - I put a finger in his lips stopping him.  
\- Can I? - I make a cute begging face to him.  
\- Okay…  
\- Yes!! I wanted to do something together with you!

I know that “then you should have danced with me" crossed his mind. But even him knew that it wasn't that simple.

\- Show me what you can do, brother!!  
\- Just you wait! Best pasta ever coming!

It was like we were doing a TV show of our own. It was fun and I got myself surprised again for really being by his side talking and laughing. How incredible this actually is.

\- I have to buy a lot of stuff…  
\- Let's go to the market together!!

He looked at me for one second, and he seemed to think that it really was a sibling thing and his eyes sparkled.

\- Can I help? - Yuu shyly asked.  
\- There is no need, Irina speaks Japanese! Let's go! Just the two of us!  
\- Ouch… now it's me who feels left out… - Yuu complained.

But we were really hyped up and left in no time.


	43. 42

We are closer now than yesterday… but find a topic to chat is still hard. We stayed quiet for a while on the streets.

\- So you can cook, huh?  
\- Yeah, my secret that not even my stalker could know…  
\- Shit, forget it, please. - He laughed. - what do you like about it?  
\- Hmm… tough question this one. I guess, I like eating, and I'm happy to understand how the food I like is done.  
\- Such a boring answer.  
\- Shut up. - he messed my hair, we linked arms and kept walking.  
\- And you? Why do you like running?  
\- Wow, tough question number 2! Well, as you know I love the sky. When I run in an open space, I feel like there are no limits for me. I can run to the horizon where the sky is… quite childish, but… I guess the thing is how I can go after something I love without restraint, without being a good lady or anything. And its thrilling somehow... your own speed. How far can you get… this type of stuff.  
\- Not a boring answer at all. - he faked being annoyed. - but I get you… I used to think this way about skating.  
\- Used to?  
\- Yes… when I was younger I thought there were limitless options for me to skate and I always wanted to go further. But… at some point, I felt like I had already reached my top… there was nothing really new.  
\- That is why you came to Japan?  
\- In part, yes… - I leaned my head in his arm. - I already played so many types of stories on the ice… made so many jumps…   
\- Well… you never skated after not being alone anymore. - his eyes widened. - maybe you got on your limit because that is the farthest you could go in that limited version of you. - I put his arm around my neck for us to walk closer. - When we change all the things we could do change too.

He smiled warmly and held me tight. He gave me a kiss on the head and said:

\- I am no match for you, am I? - that made me blush, after all, he is the ice prince. The best in the world.  
\- I wonder if I could be the best at something I truly love… AH! - that was something that I wish I didn't say.  
\- You just have to search for it. It doesn't have to be like a calling like it was for me. You can discover it bit by bit.  
\- Hehe! I am no match for you either! - I blushed happy, looking to the sky.  
\- But you reaaaaally love the sky, don’t you?  
\- Yep~!  
\- Why?  
\- Secret!  
\- COME ON! - I laughed while he shook me up.

We arrived at the market and entered. There we discussed the flavors and the ingredients, got puzzled before strange Japanese products and finally went to pay. The cashier looked at us dazed. Then came to me the thought that we were two siblings absolutely similar and beautiful, obviously not Japanese, and talking in an unknown language. And he is famous, to say the least. Of course, we would make an impression. I was ready to give her an awkward smile when Vic-tya (shit) gave her the prince smile. The woman blushed a lot, then I tried giving her one too. She became a tomato and couldn't look at us anymore. We left laughing.


	44. 43

\- Hey, Vitya…  
\- Hmm~! LOVE BEING CALLED THAT!  
\- … You are getting more and more similar to me.  
\- Hahaha! Okay, won’t copy your scandalous nature. - I tried to make him trip and he laughed.  
\- Now you seem like Chris! - he laughed more. - God, you totally ruined the mood for something serious.  
\- Sorry, sorry! What was it?  
\- Phichit… what do I do?  
\- …. What do you mean?  
\- Well, since he is gay, I should start forgetting him, but he is coming here!  
\- Ah, but is not a sure thing that he is gay, maybe he is bi.  
\- Oh, but who would ask that?? And Yuu is a close friend of his!  
\- Well…  
\- And will be totally difficult for me to fake not being interested in him… I only liked people from afar until now…  
\- And why would you hide that?  
\- What?  
\- Why?  
\- What?  
\- Is there something wrong in you liking him?  
\- Of course! I DON’T KNOW HIM!  
\- Irina! We are skaters, best of our countries. We are always full of fans, that fans several times get crushes on us. What is strange in you having a crush too?  
\- ………… - didn’t like listening to that but he was right.  
\- Besides, you have to focus on making him see that you are different from usual fans!  
\- Whaaaaaaaat? No, never!  
\- Stop being a baby, want to die single?  
\- How do you know that I never dated?  
\- You never had the chance, had you?  
\- ……..  
\- Okay, so now begins our plans to get Phichit to like my little sister!  
\- But he is gay!!!!!!!!  
\- We don't know this for sure!   
\- But-  
\- No buts!

I stop complaining and just blush thinking about all the embarrassing things that are to come.

Back in Yuu’s house we diligently focused on preparing lunch. I matched my drink to his dish and tried my best to make it count. All the time the delicious smell of his cooking made me distracted on what I was doing but I still manage to do what I planned. This time I choose something really light so everybody could stand it. It was more of a juice, honestly.

When we served everybody, the table was so impressive that we all took a lot of photos. The first bite of that pasta send me to heaven and I lost myself in time dazed. While I was at it the others were having the same symptoms.

\- There is this pleasure about cooking too, huh? - Vitya said to himself in Russian. His face was a biiit red and he was feeling touched and proud by our reaction. So cute.  
\- Whaaaaaa?! Irina! That tastes so good too!!! - Mari proved my special juice. Everybody else seemed to like too.  
\- Hehe ~ … but maybe it should be a little more acid to match perfectly this wonderful pasta ~ - God, I melt just remembering.

After we stuffed ourselves, Yuu threw the bomb.

\- Dad, mom, Phichit is coming here tomorrow night.   
\- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! - I am so screwed!


	45. 44

My mind got blank and I just listened to the further details. 

\- How long is he staying? - asked Toshia.  
\- One week. He wanted us to travel, but I thought carefully and I shouldn't stay so long without practice. - Yuu answered.  
\- So what will he do?  
\- He decided to stay here for two or three days and travel to another two places. And he convinced me to go with everyone together to at least one of them. - Yuu smiled awkwardly to Hiroko.  
\- That's fine for me… - she answered. - but where is he going to sleep?  
\- He has already booked a reservation…

Their talk continued for some time more, but I couldn't think something different than: “He is gay, he is gay... gay, gay, gay... Get a grip, girl!! But he is sooo charming". I started burning hot... God, I'm ridiculous.

After a while with me out of the earth, one question caught my interest.

\- What are we going to do now? - Yuu asked. I lifted my arm. - Hrmm.. yes?  
\- I want to study! - I didn't move my arm to make it serious.  
\- Oh! That's right! You are in an exchange program! - he remembered.  
\- I wanna Yuuri’s room! Onegaishimasu! - I asked the whole family.  
\- Of course! - Hiroko accepted. - Yuuri go put your things in Victor’s room!  
\- Whaaaat?  
\- Yuuri!

Everyone stood up, finishing the discussion. After some flirting and embarrassment between the couple, Yuu moved successfully to Victor’s room and I began to organize my stuff on Yuu’s desk. Studying, my Diary, is one of the best ways to distract my head.

Katsuki family took care of the onsen, the couple went to train and I stayed alone after so long. I passed hours revising studying and reading Japanese. Some people passed in the room to check on me, but I was too focused. I wanted to grab a bite, but my rhythm was really good at that moment. I just stopped after starving. After a while, I realized that wasn't much left to do with what I brought. The best thing for me was to get out and talk to people and understand this culture.

I left their home without talking to no one and with the phone shut down. I like my introspective moments… running, drinking, etc.  
I walked by the streets trying to catch a little bit of this Japanese spirit. I saw some people talking about trivial stuff. The gestures, the tone… I stopped by some shops and bought strange industrial food with strange flavors, I sat on benches wondering whys. I went to the station to see how it worked. In no time the sun was setting. I quickly searched for someplace with a good view and stayed watching the sky until got dark.

After the sky went black, I turned on my phone again. There were tons of missed calls from Vitya. I called him back and he screamed:

\- Are you INSANE??! HOW CAN YOU LET ME THIS WORRIED?!  
\- I am not a kid…  
\- You are in an unknown place!  
\- But I would manage things lost better than you.  
\- ………. - he got quiet. - that… doesn't matter.

I laughed at him being without an answer, and he faked being pissed.

\- I thought you guys would train all day. - I stared the lights of the city up where I was.  
\- That was the plan… but I thought we could eat something together before dinner… BUT YOU WENT MISSING! I couldn't concentrate anymore.  
\- Oh… sorry. - after a pause. - My bad.  
\- You don't seem sorry enough.   
\- Argh… sorry, wonderful brother beautiful like the first snow of winter!  
\- W-what was that for?! - I could notice he was blushing by his voice.  
\- Want me to apologize again?  
\- N-no need… You are hard to beat.  
\- Hahaha! So are you! Is just a matter of who uses the other's weakness first! - we laughed.

I said I was going back and promised we would eat out. This time I would choose my own clothes. I. Hate. Uncomfortable. Shoes.


	46. 45

In the next morning, I woke up like shit. Had several bizarre dreams about Phichit. Since I studied yesterday and finished all my books, I thought about going to a bookshop and buy something to train… when I was walking by the hallways I found Yuu dressing running clothes, my eyes sparkled!

\- Can I-  
\- Yes! - he answered before I even asked.

I run back to the room, changed myself like a lightning and went to the entry. Both were there waiting for me.

\- Good morning! - Vitya said.   
\- Good morning, Yuu and brother.  
\- Good morning. - Yuu smiled.  
\- You didn't have breakfast? - brother asked.  
\- No…  
\- We can wait for you.  
\- Ah… but early mornings like this are delicious to run!  
\- We WILL wait for you. Go.

I made a displeased face and ran back inside. Ate something respectfully to Yuu’s parents' efforts, but fast. Then went back to the door.

\- Good to go!!!  
\- Where is your coat?  
\- What coat? Who runs at full speed with a coat!  
\- We won't begin run from here.  
\- Aaaaaah! - I screamed pissed and ran back to my room then back to him. - satisfied?  
\- Yes!

We walked together chatting about trivial stuff. We arrived at the chore and Victor got on his bike. I threw my coat in his face.

\- Hey! And stop right there, now we are going to raise just a bit the pace!  
\- Nooooo!

Argh, so boring. We stayed like this for a while and I kept looking at the sky since it was kind of too easy for me. When Yuu got tired, Vitya went to buy drinks and promised that we would run a bit after a short rest. Yuu and I got alone together.

\- Hey, remember when you stopped by to talk with me when I was depressed?  
\- Of course!  
\- It was very sweet of you, I wanted to thank you properly.  
\- Oh, no. It was nothing! I just told you to drink!  
\- Haha, but the way you did it was very caring. - I blushed. - I want to help you somehow… I can't help you with Phichit since he is gay, but - OMG A DAGGER RIGHT IN THE HEART. - I can teach you how to dance… what do you think?  
\- Woooow… it makes me happy! Can I think a bit about it?  
\- Sure… ahh, you dancing would be really great… - his imagination went far away.  
\- Because I look like him?  
\- Victor? Hmm… for that too, if you danced with him it would be amazing! Like mirrors. But that is not what I was thinking about.  
\- Eh?  
\- Your movements and your perception of space are very good. And there is a beautiful sensibility too. - I blushed more.  
\- Y-you are making me shy.  
\- Oh, sorry! It's just that I love to dance with other people… and I get really interested when I imagine what kind of style suits each person… the truth is that I got really excited when I saw you running and walking on the phone… or when you miraculously managed to don't fall!!  
\- Hahahaha! I thought you were more closed up.  
\- Ah- well… I am reserved, but…  
\- You are really bold deep down, aren't you? - he blushed fiercely. Cute. - what style suits me?

Vitya came back really interested on the topic.

\- Ah- hmm.. well… - Vitya presence made him more insecure. Both of us waited for him. Come on, Yuu! Eros mode! - I… I ACTUALLY WANTED TO DANCE WITH YOU MYSELF! 

Ooooooooooooh my god! Did he say that in front of Victor Nikiforov? Vitya just froze.

\- I-I mean! I wanted you to dance something that used your reflexes! W-wouldn't it be nice, Victor??  
\- ……… - he didn't answer at first. - yeaah...

A weird mood took place. I pitied both, so:

\- I should dance with both, right? I would be happy to!  
\- Really?!  
\- Really?! - they said at the same time. Shit, now there is no turning back.  
\- Yes! Really! Let's run now? - I gave them an awkward expression.

They agreed, maybe pitying me this time.


	47. 46

Later I was talking on the phone with Chris:

\- What? I refuse! You will dance with me too!  
\- I will what????  
\- Are you telling me that you will dance with a friend you just made, but won't dance with me???  
\- …… ok, I promise. - I surrendered.  
\- AH! I heard that Phichit is going there!  
\- Ugh… I am so screwed…  
\- It's your chance, girl! Were you born stupid?  
\- That was mean!! Yuuri told me he is gay!  
\- AGAIN??? How unlucky can you be?!  
\- So… unfair… - I sobbed.  
\- There is no chance that he is wrong?  
\- I don't know… I can't just ask him.  
\- There is just one way out of this!  
\- Argh… don't think I will like this! - nothing good comes when Chris puts pressure on me.  
\- You will have to seduce him and see if he reacts to it!!  
\- $#@#@$¥(#€’£@¥@%€#£@¥#$¥#!!! Never!!  
\- Hehehehehehehehe~ I WANNA SEE THIS!  
\- I WILL KILL YOU!! - he laughed.

We talked for long. When I hung up, Vitya took me by the arm before I could think. Next thing I know I was inside a taxi. 

\- Don't tell me…  
\- Yes, we are going pick Phichit up!  
\- $@¥$€#¥#$(@&’(@(@?#  
\- Irina! Language! - what a stupid brother.

Each second that passed, more nervous I got. I lived my life having some crushes from afar. They were all gay, so I never even thought of approaching them… but this time is like destiny is not giving me choice! I wondered what reasons made me like him anyway. I just saw him a couple of times… Well, I guess I like how cheerfully he seems, he has a charming nature and, for God sake, he skated my favorite movie, the first and the second one. But… this all feels like stupid reasons. Maybe he is just my type.

I thought about my previous crushes… there was that guy from high school. He was really serious, but when nobody was looking he would take out some toys from his bag, blush and play with it, even if he was kind of old for it. It was cute, and I liked how I knew something others didn't. But that is kind of TOTALLY different from Phichit, both of them are cute, but that is it.  
Then I remembered a boy that trained with Yuri some years ago, he was almost my age and gave up quickly. But there was a beautiful look in his eyes, he didn't talk much and felt frustrated with himself several times, but he would always look at himself in the mirror when everybody left and face his own reflection like he was fighting with himself. I liked that. Nothing in common either… maybe I just feel that they are gays and feel attracted to it because I like to suffer.  
There was also that boy when I was small. I and Dimitri saw him from afar in the roadways. He was small but passed hours acting alone, he had a weak body so he kept coughing… that made me remember how shocking it was when his boyfriend appeared one day. Was a scene worthy of a romance book. I sigh. The skater I discovered when I saw him blush fiercely when people talked about how beautiful Yuri would be older. It was clear as day! I put a hand on my face. And the high school guy? How I discovered it again… Ah, I passed behind him in the library and he was saving photos of beautiful man without shirt…. Ah… what a mess…

We all stopped and I don't even remember when we walked. I didn't find out anything about my type, had I? Hmm… Phichit apart, all of them had a beautiful detail that people didn't know… AHHH SUCH USELESS THOUGHTS! 

Hello! - I woke up and, before me, was Phichit waving for us.  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!! - How? When?

OMG, I just screamed at his face! Vitya is struggling to hold back his laugh.

Victor! Stop that! Hello, Phichit. - Yuri said. Phichit was totally confused about the situation.

SHAME! SHOULD ENTER IN HOLE AND LIVE THERE!!

H-hello, P- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - Brother failed to talk when he looked at my face and I was deep red looking at him angrily. - I- HAHA… Please, excuse me.

He went laugh in the corner. @$¥#(@€#¥$¥@€$¥# Oh this was the best first impression I could give for sure… I was the only one who didn't greet him. So I made an extra effort calming myself. Look, girl, he came all the way from Thai, just be, at least, polite, okay?

\- Hello… - AAAAARGH I SAID IT IN THAI!!! OMG  
\- Haha! She learned how to say “hello" in Thai. - Phichit found it funny. NO... Can it get more ridiculous than it already is?!  
\- Oh, actually, Irina does know-dfe

Victor came back and covered Yuu’s mouth with his hand.

\- That is no good, Yuuri. She has to say for herself! - CAN YOU STOP MAKING THINGS WORSE?!

Phichit laughed that kind of laugh where everybody's joking about a pun only you don't know? It can't be more AWKWARD!

\- Actually, I can speak Thai… - I said in Thai, probably glowing red, looking to the side.  
\- Eh?  
\- Yes… I am a polyglot. How are you? - still in Siamese.

Phichit eyes sparkled and he took both my hands. Mind in the verge of breaking in 3… 2… 1…

\- Wow! That is amazing!! Do you like my country?? Why did you learn it?  
\- E-e-rn… I…  
\- Let's go, guys? - Yuu saved me, or so I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whole story some time ago, but... it is kind of boring after all...


	48. 47

Yuu scolded Vitya and walked ahead together. Yuu… if wanna support me… DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND WITH HIM! Phichit was happy for me being interested in his country and walked beside me talking in his mother language cheerfully. It should make me happy too, but I am a weakling and it just made me anxious! When the taxi arrived Yuu went on the back seat with Phichit and Victor went on the front. So just rested me the place NEXT Phichit. 

I sat beside him and felt my heart on my mouth, I didn't only worry for him hearing my heart, but was also painfully red. One, two, three… I counted in each language until:

\- Irina? - Phichit called me. OMG, he was talking to me!!!! I wasn't listening!!!  
\- Sorry!! - I got more red if that is possible.  
\- No! It's okay! You are quite shy, huh? You were so bold in China…  
\- I am both things… depends on what I am dealing with.  
\- And I am difficult for you? - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH OH FUCK!  
\- I… Ugh… wait! - I put both hands together in front of my face and concentrate to get calmer.

Then I heard a camera noise, I look to my side and Phichit was talking a picture of me. WTF

\- Oh, it's just you were really beautiful now. Look! - he showed me the photo and it was indeed beautiful with the night light. But that doesn't help me calm down… somebody SAVE ME! - can I send it to you?  
\- Eh?  
\- Your number?  
\- I- hmmm… - I was burning hot, I gave up talking and just picked the phone from his hand I saved my contact.

I NEED A DRINK. Phichit passed on his hotel and came back for us to be together a little. Should I say I am not feeling well? Ugh… better not if people discover I am lying I will never hear the end of it.

I asked them to stop by the supermarket. I bought ingredients to make a tough drink. They got out of the taxi and waited outside. When I came out, everybody was kind of tense.

\- Let's go to the place I went yesterday?   
\- Eh? - one of them questioned.  
\- Come on!

I handed some bags to Yuu and went on the front peeling some fruits with a disposable knife. After a while, we were at the top of a hill next to a roadway. I sat on the grass feeling the wind and letting the city lights be enough to illuminate my hands as I worked. Everybody sat around me, facing the view.

\- It is really beautiful… - Phichit commented.  
\- I didn't know there was a place like this in Hasetsu. - Yuu pointed it out.  
\- You wouldn't know since just a person obsessed with height would search for this. - I stated.  
\- Do you like heights?  
A lot, I like open and vast spaces, with a vast sky and… - then I noticed that Phichit was the one who asked. I got nervous, so I focused on getting the drink done. I served one for me and one for Victor. - this is too strong for the rest of you.

So I gave them drinks in cans. It's kind of selfish, YES. But I don't care, I am hellishly stressed. Victor gave a sip.

\- Man… this is strong. Do you drink every day, Irina?   
\- No… but it has been difficult not to these days. - I gulped it.

Phichit and Yuu silently watched me. Nobody needs to ask if I was well to see I wasn't. The three of them just made me company.


	49. 48 - Victor’s Diary

I didn't know Irina was so bad with her love life. It's more as she is searching for reasons to give up. I believe that her past crushes did like boys but nothing automatically says they didnt't like girls.

The way she was near Phichit was unbelievable for me at first. She was so nervous that she couldn't manage to do anything properly. But I decided that she would face it and show her that she can make progress like everybody else. And I was right. Phichit talked with her, got interested in how she learned his language. He made her company without complaining and he thinks she is beautiful. He took a photo of her and when she was drunk at that hill he couldn't take his eyes out of her.

My sister was actually absolutely charming yesterday.

She served me a really strong drink, but really tasty. I didn't want to be drunk so I didn't take more than a sip. But I understood that she wanted to get drunk and at least be less nervous. She drank it fast and soon her cheeks got red from the alcohol.

She looked at the distance and closed her eyes. Then she laid on the grass and smiled calmly. She told Phichit her story and he listened to it. Them she laughed and sat in front of him. She stayed quiet and with her beautiful eyes illuminated by cars that passed in the road behind us she stared at him and passed a hand through his hair. He got nervous, of course. But I didn't let him run from it. She stopped soon after and, with a small voice, she said to him:

\- Beautiful… - he blushed and she looked to the sky above.  
\- That was for me or the sky? - he asked troubled.  
\- Don't know… which one would you prefer it to be? - she provoked. He blushed but didn't answer.

Yes! Oh, my... she is good in this... if drunk, of course.

\- What do I want to do? - she asked to herself.

Irina was more relaxed than I ever saw her. Her way of seating, her voice… I noticed then that that girl is always fighting against something. She does never let her guard down, only at times like this. Her hair danced at the wind and her eyes weren't strong but remained honest.

\- What do you like to do? - the Thai guy asked. She slowly turned her eyes to him.  
\- What do I like? - she said with subtle meaning behind it while she looked at him deeply in his eyes. Then she laughed and closed her eyes. - don't know…   
\- Can be anything! - he insisted.  
\- You are almost making me say something I don't want to. - she laughed again. - I like “The skater and the king".  
\- Woooow!! I love it too! - he got all happy.  
\- My favorite character is the butler.  
\- The butler?? But he is only noisy and bothers the skater.  
\- Do you remember when after a presentation of the skater he ran to his room and danced?  
\- Yes, of course. Was when the skater was so good that nobody resisted his art.  
\- Yes, but that scene revealed that he was a dancer.  
\- What? He danced it nicely but…  
\- Behind him, on a table, there were pamphlets of dance presentations and he had a book about body preservation for athletes.  
\- No! - Phichit said in disbelief. - Can't be!  
\- I adore when people have secret sides like that. He didn't have the courage to face society opinion about his dance, so he was mean to the skater who was brave.

Phichit went quiet, shocked. 

\- After that moment the movie got another meaning for me… ah! And in the sequel! Remember when the king and the skater wandered by the streets of the capital. One of them was full of bars and theaters??  
\- Yes…  
\- There was one man dancing in the stair. He appeared just on the background. I am sure it was him!  
\- Nooooooo…  
\- Yes! The butler didn't work that day and that was why they were able to go to the city together, but when he wasn't working he was dancing right at that place!  
\- Nooooo…  
\- He had the same hair, and when the king passed through him he reacted, even if just a bit!  
\- Oh… my… god…

Irina laughed without restraint. A beautiful and great laugh. Phichit was impressed with her already. I watched the film once and just remember I desiring to be like the skater. But I guess every skater in real life wanted it too. Nobody cared much to other characters. But Irina is different. She identified herself with the butler.

\- What should I do?! - she asked herself again.


	50. 49 - Victor’s Diary

\- Irina! I think that, like the butler, you should have something you do that you have no courage of telling anybody!  
\- …. Or I just like the subtle complexity hiding in the character.

I started her for a while considering it. But no, I am sure.

\- No, you don't admire or envy him, I'm sure. Think about it.  
\- ……………………..

We all waited for her answer. In some moment was clear that something came to her mind, but she faked it hasn't. 

\- Don't even try to hide, you are too honest drunk!  
\- I'm… not drunk!  
\- Yes, you are.  
\- I am speaking just fine!  
\- Because you didn't drink to that point just yet.

She went quiet. Them she glanced at the market bags.

\- Maybe I should…  
\- Yeah, so you would be able to run away from speaking! - she blushed and flinched. Too honest.

Then she passed her hand through her hair and looked kind of down.

\- I… don't want to tell you.  
\- Why? - I asked her, but she just looked more pained.

She started passing her hand through the grass and didn't talk anymore. Actually, I am really frustrated. Until now there was nothing I could do for her. I couldn't make her dance, I couldn't console her when she told us her story. She asked me to skate for her, but that is only in the future. And for now, that and pasta was the only things I can offer. I am unhappy about this. She looked after me on her own and I did nothing. I can't say I am a good brother, neither can I talk back to Chris when he blames me. I wonder how we even went out with me for some time if he knew about my mistakes…

\- Because he doesn't actually blame you. - she said looking at me with the corner of her eyes. She seemed to start getting sober.  
\- You read minds, I am SURE.  
\- I don't… it's just that you hate yourself easily… and if you make a face of not accepting something in this particular moment. It must be about me. And consequently, you would remember Chris angry with you.  
\- What? It could be a lot of other stuff! - she snorted.  
\- When you dedicate yourself to observe people from afar, you get good at gathering people circumstances with their facial expression.  
\- Hmm, and you get unbelievable precise when you have a super IQ.

She didn't answer. I guess she doesn't like being reminded of her IQ? We had it done when she was four… was really high… how much was it again? Oh, yeah! She can't get sober just yet.

\- Make me another cup? - I asked since after a long time sipping it I finally ended it.  
\- Okay… - she didn't question it.

We all stayed quiet while she worked on it. I wonder how the other two are after all this. Yuuri was uncomfortable and Phichit was intensely looking at her. Oh, maybe something good can get out of this? She served both of us again. And she quickly drank it all too. I satisfyingly started sipping it again. Yuuri looked at me reproving what I was doing. But I don't care now… I am manipulating the situation? Yes. But… she won't be hurt, because we are all good people… and I won't let her drink more than this. Before I could realize it, Irina threw herself in my lap and sat making me her chair. I got very happy since I like her so much.

She would do this many times when we were young. Every time she showed me affection I got happy. I hugged her and blushed. Yuuri laughed. 

\- In the end, you are no match for her, are you?  
\- No, indeed. - I answer still blushing from happiness. Will she... hate me for today? - Irina?  
\- Hmmmm? - she was drunker than before.  
\- What do you still hide from me? - she didn't react. Then I had an idea. - It's related to the sky? About how it remember us? - she flinched.  
\- I… won't tell you, Vitya… I… hide it from you since before you left. - that… I didn't expect... - it was on my diaries.

She said that in her diaries she wrote every detail about me since she feared to forget me. Is it about me? Something even a kid thought wasn't good to do? Maybe something a lady shouldn't do? But look at her, she isn't very lady-like at all… there is nothing that could come to my mind that she would still evade until 21 years old…


	51. 50 - Yuuri's Diary

For God's sake, what was Victor doing?! His sister wasn't comfortable with this… I understand that he is anxious to do something for her, but isn't better to wait until she is prepared? And what were we doing, me and Phichit in the middle of that? Until Irina was asking for it, it was a favor. But at that moment? I don't know anymore. But I did nothing to stop him, so I am guilty too… 

After Irina sat on her brother lap, I laughed at him melting. Then, I looked at Phichit and he was kind of absorbed. I couldn't get what he was thinking. When Irina flinched to the mention of a relation of the sky with what she was hiding, I got really worried. It was long ago. Next, she really said that she had hidden it since the beginning. At that point, I thought that I should intervene.

\- Victor, don't you think that it can be something you told her you didn't like? - she flinched again. He noticed it.  
\- Something I told her? - he searched in his memory.

If her problem is related to something himself put there, now is the moment to discover it. She definitely won't say. Maybe if Victor wasn't here it would be easier. But was he who provoked her reactions, so… well now I am also manipulating her, ain't I? I sighed.

\- I don't know… but Irina there is nothing you would do that I wouldn't like.

She bit her lip and tried to leave his lap, but Victor held her.

\- Wait! Calm down! - she got angrier. At some point, she freed herself and turned to him.  
\- Don't you DARE say that there is nothing if don't even remember anything! - tears rolled through her face. She glanced at us all and went running.

We all got desperate. She was drunk anything bad could happen and to worse things, she was really fast. We stood to pursue her. I am so sorry for pressing you, Irina… I'm sorry...

\- Irina! - Victor called her but she didn't even turn. Shit, what do we do?  
\- We have to convince her to stop! Irina! We won't talk about it anymore, please stop! - nothing. God... And Phichit is with us in this absurd situation… what is he thinking?!  
\- IRINA! - He screamed. Phichit?!

She stopped on track. And turned slowly. We all stopped and looked at him.

\- Do you know why the skater was able to skate despite everything?

Silence, but we could see that she was listening.

\- Because he didn't believe in shame. - her eyes went wide. - we skaters admire him because he skates in front of a king in the same way he did anywhere. He was always himself, but he would give his all in front of anyone. That is why he is a fake character.

That surprised me, I never thought Phichit thought like this about the film.

\- He is fake because people's heart doesn't work like this. Don't be afraid of shame. This is the best we can do right now…. I am innocent in several ways. I know some people will always laugh at me. But that is also my charm… when you were doing whatever you wanted, you were absolutely beautiful. Trust who thinks about you this way, because… it shows that they like you for who you are.

I was totally shocked. That was what he was thinking about? Irina didn't move. I and Victor were in a loss of words, so we didn't move too. But Phichit walked in her direction. I could see her getting redder as the space between them got smaller. Phichit stopped in front of her and caught a lock of her hair and brought it closer to his face. She almost had a heart attack.

\- You are interested in me, right? I could get after all that commotion before. 

Oh my God! I am so sorry, Irina! I looked at Victor angrily, but he just looked at me and pointed at them. Oh stop, I don't care if there is some chemistry between them! Look at this MESS! Since Phichit had his back turned to us I don't know what expression he had. But I saw him give a light kiss on her hair.

Poor girl… she was frying.


	52. 51

I woke up with a huge headache. The first vision in my head was Phichit face… his eyes looking deep in my soul, his boyish smile and his light kiss on my hair. My heart stopped again in bed. What was that??? Wasn't he gay? Or he is just glad for being desired like Chris likes?

I don't know anymore… I don't remember all that happened, just some flashes here and there. We all on the hill, the thing I keep hiding, me getting angry at Victor for several reasons… and Phichit words.

What happened AFTER THAT??! Was that innocent? God…

I left the room in pajamas, what I hope was changed by Yuu sister or mother… I found Yuu mad at Vitya, they were arguing, so I just passed through them. Too much of a hassle to deal with them now. They went quiet the moment they saw me. But I couldn't care less. I remember how both of them tried to make me speak what I didn't want to. But I just don't remember if I ended saying it or not… I made my way to the kitchen...

\- Irina? - Yuu called me. I ignored.  
\- Hmm… sister…. - then Vitya. Ignored too.

I found Mari cleaning the dishes. She noticed me and offered me a sandwich since was too late for breakfast. She handed it to me and I started to go back to the room, but the stupid couple blocked my path. I sighed.

\- What? - they got uncomfortable.  
\- Hmm… we are sorry…  
\- Oh, nice. Can I go eat in peace? - God, I hate hangovers. 

They let me pass without saying nothing more. But when I was almost entering in the room, Vitya speaks once more.

\- Do you hate me? - I had my hand on the door, but hearing this I let fall on my side.  
\- Do you hate skating when you fall?  
\- No…  
\- Then that is it. - I entered the room and closed the door without waiting.

I spent the rest of the morning in the room, slowly recovering from the hangover. Mari came to talk with me.

\- Hey, lady!  
\- Hey…  
\- I would make fun of you for getting drunk, but I got drunk before, so I can't. - she made me smile a little.  
\- Was you who changed my clothes?  
\- Yep, and don't worry, I gave you a bath too.  
\- Wow, thank you!  
\- Are you mad at them? - she asked directly.  
\- … it's just that what they wanted to know… I feel kind of betrayed.  
\- Come on, go change and let's walk a little just the two of us. - she said in Japanese.

I smiled and obeyed. We passed through the guys and Mari just said:

\- When Phichit arrives, ask him to wait here.  
\- But- - Yuu tried to question.  
\- Bye! - she took me and we left.


	53. 52

\- I know what happened last night. - I looked at her and she gave me a weak smile. - the boys arrived with such guilty faces… Phichit was carrying you on his back.  
\- NOOOOOOOOOO!   
\- Hahaha! I knew that something should have happened since you were on his back and not on your brother's.   
\- They told me what Victor tried to do and how Yuri in the end done nothing to stop and, in a moment, even helped.  
\- I told them what they wanted to know?  
\- Nope. After Phichit stopped you, you gave him a kiss on the cheek…  
\- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
\- … and asked him to carry you. You even called the other two of Stupid 1 and 2 for the rest of the night. You said that the chance of you talking to them was smaller now and thanked Phichit while falling into sleep on his back.  
\- Oh my… how was Phichit?  
\- He wasn't annoyed. But he said that this wasn't what he expected when he came to Japan. - I put a hand on my face.  
\- What a first impression!

Mari laughed and we sat on a bench.

\- It will be fine. Just make him have fun today.  
\- Yeah… okay.  
\- If possible… I would like for you to forgive Yuuri. - I looked at her and she had a really soft and gentle expression. - You see, we had a pacific childhood. We don't know what is to be without a family beside you... Knowing him, he got divided between you and Victor, since both of you were alone. He wanted you guys to be family again and, if it is needed, he wants to be your family too, with or without Victor. 

That is so sweet that made me blush.

\- You see, in a family, we are sometimes mean to the other. We fight and get tired. But we are deeply loved. So, he didn't make the right choices, but he likes you and will try to do better from now on. So… forgive him, please! - she had really earnest eyes.

I realized that there was an older sister before me, trying to help her little brother the way she can. The Katsuki's brothers really take care of each other… I wonder if we can be like this too…

I stood up and smiled at her.

\- Okay, I promise. Let's go back! - I breathed the fresh morning air and walked beside her.

Reaching the onsen, Yuuri was at the door worried. I stood in front of him and he gulped.

\- Good morning, Yuu. - I said with a serious face.   
\- G-good morning… - he nervously answered.  
\- You are forgiven, thanks to your sister! - his eyes went wide and he turned to her. She just smiled boyishly. - but! You will have to teach me to dance until I'm able to dance with anyone! - he brightened.  
\- You will be as good as me!  
\- God, no. Just normal, please!

We laughed and entered. In the room, Victor faced me with dark circles in his eyes.


	54. 53

I walked to him in silence.

\- Irina…  
\- I really don't know if I will trust you like before… but I forgive you. - his face was terrible. - we should be closer than this… why would you go as far as convincing me to do something drunk? I feel so betrayed...   
\- I am sorry…  
\- And what is more, you didn't believe we could be open to each other after some time? - he bit his lips. - I'm very sad… and disappointed.

We looked in each other eyes, both sad for this bizarre relationship we have. I sighed.

\- But I really do forgive you, I love you after all. - his eyes went wide. - let's get closer… - I faced him earnestly. He nodded. - but…

I got near him and smiled, he looked at me carefully and in the next second, I had punched him on the stomach.

\- I am no angel~ Now we are even! - I looked over my shoulder and the Katsuki's brothers were pale. - be careful, Yuu~  
\- Y-yes, madam! - Yuu answered afraid. Mari then started laughing hard.  
\- What a girl! - she said still laughing.

After Victor recovered a bit from the punch and from the shock, I patted his hair.

\- Trust me. - I asked him, with all my heart.  
\- … okay. - he agreed and made me relieved.  
\- Hello~ - I flinched. Was Phichit.

I turned slowly… and he was smiling having fun at my reaction, I think. But maybe was all just in my head...

I asked them to wait a minute since I wanted to use proper clothes to go out. When I was leaving...

\- I prefer red! ~ - said Phichit.

My heart jumped strongly and I blushed in an instant. I think wasn't just in my mind. I felt frustrated and went to change quickly. When I reached the room, I thought about what to dress. I shouldn't look like I put an effort just for him… so, simple and NO red!

In the next moment, there I was, with a long sleeve deep red shirt with exposed shoulders… I was also dressing black pants and shoes. I looked in the mirror and sighed. I chose a light blue coat to at least hide the shirt and preferred my hair down.

I came back and the first thing that happened was Vitya revolted by the coat… that it wasn't classy and blablabla. He should be thankful it wasn't black. Then I passed by Phichit blushing, against my will. He laughed a bit and asked:

\- Are you waiting for me to praise you? - he smirked.

What is his deal? Make me blush to death??


	55. 54

I didn't answer his provocation. We walked towards the Hasetsu Castle. In the way, Phichit kept his torture against me.

\- Say, won't you look me in the eye? - he asked in an innocent tone. I blushed.  
\- …………..  
\- Are you embarrassed for yesterday? Or is because you can't get calm around me? - WTF   
\- You're really mean! - I complained.  
\- Hahaha! It's ‘cause you are so cute!!  
\- Phichit, don't torture her! - Yuu defended me.  
\- THANK YOU! - I ran to him and held his arm.

I looked back at Phichit and he was smiling boyishly. Then his eyes met mine and his smile deepened. That got me surprised and made my heart race, so I looked the other way. Then I felt a dark aura near me. It was Victor upset for me to be clinging on Yuu.

\- Come on, brother!  
\- I'm not saying anything.  
\- You don't need to. - I released Yuu. - God, you're so jealous.  
\- You touch everybody! Who taught you that?  
\- Chris.  
\- Of course…  
\- … but I like it!  
\- I'm joking, it's okay for you to be like that. - I smiled and linked hands with him. - Jeez… no match for you, am I? - he blushed happily.  
\- Nope. - we laughed.

Then the click of a camera. I looked behind us and there was Yuu blushing and with his face screaming “THEY ARE SO CUTE AAAAAH" or probably something timider... and Phichit was taking photos without restraint. I was going to complain but...

\- Send me! - Victor said.  
\- Vitya!  
\- I want it! - he was so emphatic that I gave up.

So we arrived at the castle.


	56. 55

Yuu showed us around. I entered the study mode and took several notes. I tried to feel the ninja energy of that place. Wasn’t easy, honestly… After a while, I thought it was pretty warm inside that place, so I took out my coat. 

\- Ah! - Phichit pointed at me.

I looked at my clothes and remembered the shirt I was using. RED. I felt the heat coming to my face. So EMBARRASSING! He laughed and I just hid my face in my hands. I breathed deeply and glared at him (with a bit of charm, I admit). He got a little surprised and just a bit red. Yes, guy, I am beautiful. I did my best to ignore him and went back to my studies. I asked Yuu the origin of a few words and took notes again. I was focused enough to don’t see anything else around me. Maybe I didn’t make Phichit’s trip that fun, but he had his share of fun provoking me already.

\- Irina? - someone called me.  
\- Just a minute. - I was in the middle of reasoning and wanted to finish it first.

In what seemed seconds to me, someone called me again.

\- Wait. - I lifted my hand signing them to give me time.

I wrote faster. Some time passed and suddenly I felt juice in my mouth. I gasped and spat juice. I covered my mouth and realized that I was in the cafeteria. Phichit had put a straw in my mouth, probably they were wanting to ask what I wanted for drink… I blushed from shame.

\- Hahahaha! I waved my hand in front of your face, but you didn't react! - Phichit had a radiant smile on his face. That made my heart race so I looked down.

I calmed myself calling names in Russian. We all sat on a table and I thanked for the juice still not looking at them properly.

\- She is so cute! - Phichit said.  
\- Phichit… - Yuu got exasperate.  
\- I agree! - Victor said enthusiastically.   
\- Victor! - Yuu scolded him.

I just blushed more and stayed quiet. From time to time, Phichit would put a sweet in front of me. I could only see his hand piling them. There were several types. I got that he was trying to cheer me up, so I picked one of watermelon. 

\- Good girl! - I looked at him without thinking. He had a boyish and proud expression.

Why he shakes me so much???


	57. 56 - Phichit's Diary

I am not the type who writes stuff… but since I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted, think that will have to do for today.

Irina is really fun to tease. Today, I:  
\- Startled her when I arrived  
\- Made her dress red  
\- Asked if she wanted to be praised   
\- Bothered her for not looking me in the eye  
\- Bothered her for yesterday  
\- Bothered her for her feelings for me  
\- Pointed out her red clothes  
\- Surprised her with juice  
\- Made fun of her being way too serious  
\- Talked to her non-stop on the way back  
\- Insisted on getting her to make me a drink  
\- Smiled at her every time she looked at me  
\- Whispered in her ear when she was distracted  
\- Before going to the hotel, I sent her a kiss  
\- Sent her messages suddenly  
\- Waited a little longer to reply some of hers  
\- And many more~~~

But Irina is mysterious, ‘cause:

\- She is very beautiful  
\- She is adorable  
\- She is cute  
\- She is very beautiful when is absorbed too  
\- Her reactions are fun  
\- She can disarm you when she makes charming faces  
\- She is more expressive in real life than through text  
\- Her drinks are amazing and she can adapt it to the drinker taste!  
\- She see things in ways I never did before…  
\- And… many more.


	58. 57

On the second day, we went to the temple and another simple, but beautiful places from the city. This time I made sure I wasn't wearing red. I was a bit calmer so wasn't so easy to make me flustered. It was hotter, so I held my hair in a bun (that Victor remade, of course).

But even being more relaxed like that, I failed to resist his pranks. For example, in the temple was an ancient tree, I felt attracted to it and wanted to touch it. When I did it, I felt so connected to something I couldn't describe… then Phichit blew softly in my ear and I let out a scream. I kneeled in the ground ashamed and putting my heart in place. He is just a crush, but…

I just heard his laugh so many times and saw so many different smiles, that… it was making me feel really worked up…

Later that day, I was on the living room organizing my new notes. I didn't need to be alone for that so I was making them company. At a certain point, everybody went to different places and I was left alone, but my concentration didn’t allow me to feel bothered. Phichit had already gone home.

I was writing some things down when I felt something was strange in front of me. I lifted my head and Phichit’s face was in front of mine. I froze in place. He was looking me smiling just a little, probably a bit bored. We were reaaaaally close to each other, but he didn't move to give me some space. I gulped but remained still as a rock.

\- Yuu and Victor went away to have some time alone together… I forgot something here, but didn't want to bother them…  
\- I see… - and WHY ARE YOU HERE SO FUCKING CLOSE?!  
\- Irina… 

Oh… fuck… don't call my name so serious like that. 

I licked my lips that were dry from nervousness. 

\- Yes? - I tried to sound natural. He looked me in the eyes and put a mesh of my hair behind one ear. My heart skipped a beat, even if it was already exploding.  
\- Remember that attraction you felt for the tree? - he asked me seriously.  
\- Yes… - I hesitated.  
\- This is how you start feeling what you were born for. - he smiled gently, I was confused and blushed. He took out his hand and stood up to leave.

I was still trying to comprehend what happened when Mari entered pissed.  
\- IRINA! They…  
\- They…?  
\- THEY DON’T STOP MOANING!!! - FREEZE.

They... what?

Against my will, my ears started paying attention to the sounds… Yes… INDEED. If I can hear from here I don’t want to even imagine what is happening in there.

\- I will explode the door and make them regret!  
\- Calm down, that would be totally EMBARRASSING!  
\- BUT IT IS UNBEARABLE!  
\- L-let’s try to focus on something else, shall we?

We awkwardly try to watch TV, I thought I would be able to focus since it helps to study, but… Phichit left quickly, what was very wise.

\- STOP SCREAMING! - Mari shouts.

THEY WERE TOO LOUD!

\- Irina, you are too red. Are you okay? Don’t pass out.  
\- I-I won’t… - it’s hard not to.  
\- I can’t take it anymore! I will go right there!  
\- Wait, wait, wait! T-they sure are enjoying themselves… - I blush at my own words. - isn’t better if we just handle it?  
\- Look at my eyes. - she stared at me. - Do I look that nice to you?  
\- Not at all. - couldn't help to be sincere. - But still…

 

*ABSOLUTE SHAMELESS THING SCREAMED IN RUSSIAN*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I stood up, burning red, traumatized. Mari followed me and we threw the door open. There was Yuu above Vitya both nude. After some seconds of Yuu looking at us:

\- Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! - he screamed and went running to the corner of the room. Brother just sat on the bed still processing the information, his thing still hard.

Oh my god, the world can end and I won’t see anything more disturbing than this…

I fell on my knees crying. Mari went to her younger brother and put her hands around his neck.

\- What were you thinking?? We heard ALL of it! - she kept shaking his head.  
\- ALL of it?! - he went pale.  
\- YES, YOU SHAMELESS MORON! - She was really mad. I just sobbed with the echos of the Russian scream in my head.  
\- Irina… - I turned my head and there was Victor next to me still nude. - are you okay?  
\- ARE YOU CRAZY?! - I snapped. - Go put some clothes on! Right now!  
\- But…  
\- Stupid brother! - I started throwing things on him. - How can I live after hearing that?  
\- Calm down, Irina! Here! Let me give you a hug! - he opened his arms.  
\- WHERE YOU BORN BRAINLESS?! GO DRESS UP! - I punched his face in reflex.

Vitya fell on the ground. On the other side, Mari was scolding Yuu merciless. His soul was broken. I got near the window…

“Ah, falling from here must be so pleasant!” I thought and smiled.

\- Irina, watch out!  
\- Irina, watch out!  
\- Irina, watch out!

The three of them said in different languages and tried to reach me.

\- Relax, guys, I won’t jump! - I smiled sweetly. - Now I would like to know what are you both doing nude UNTIL NOW? - I gave them a murderous smile.

They both stood up and ran to change. With just me and Mari on the room, I fell on the ground again and let my soul leave my body…

After a while of endless fights, Yuu and Victor were thrown out of the house.

\- Sis, please, keep calm! - Yuu still was trying to manage things.  
\- Do you think that we would be able to handle an awkward atmosphere like that? Go pass the night in a hotel and put all that lust to use far away from here!  
\- It isn’t like we don’t want you guy to do it… but we felt like we were in the same room! - I tried to explain. - I will need years… to heal… - I got all worked up again.  
\- Cheer up, Irina! - Victor says.  
\- YOU SHUT UP! - I snapped at him.

Mari closed the door and looked at me.

\- H-hehe… - and gave me an absurdly awkward laugh.  
\- H-ha.. haha.. - I answered.


	59. 58 - Yuri's DIary

Oh… I think I will never be able to look normally to my family anymore… Thank God, my parents' sleep is really heavy. I and Mari could fight all night that they wouldn’t wake up. I sighed and looked at Victor.

He was with a hand in his chin as he does when thinking hard about something. He didn’t seem bothered at all. How confident a person have to be to don’t care if his sister heard all that? Victor's eyes turned to me since I kept looking at him. He smiled gently, which made my heart jump. His smile changed to a seductive one and he whispered to me.

\- Should we finish what we began? - I blushed and got in the mood all over again. Seriously this man is impossible… and irresistible.  
\- After realizing you can scream like that, there is nowhere I would feel secure. - I tried to play hard. Victor smile deepened.  
\- Oh... but you were the one who made me scream like that… - he said in a mischievous tone. - shouldn’t you take the responsibility of satisfying my lust? - he provoked me with a side smile.

I can’t resist to such a man. I sighed trying at least to look troubled and took his hand. I looked back at my house thinking about them.

\- We should give them a present as an apology. - I decided.  
\- Hmm… I agree. - he said after considering it.

We walked shoulder to shoulder through the city, time to time Victor would squeeze my hand tight. I could feel the meaning behind it just glancing at his face. God, I hope that Victor can forgive me, but he seemed in a mating season… and worst, he was making me feel like it too.

\- Victor, what you screamed in Russian that made Irina like that? - he stopped smiling for a second and then got his face near mine.  
\- Why don’t you make me feel good like that time so I can repeat it in English? - his tone was heavy from desire. God… want to make him scream right now……… No, God! What am I writing!?

Soon we reached the conclusion that I feared. Since the city was really small there was just one hotel available. Phichit’s hotel. Victor entered without hesitation, but I didn't. We went to the counter where a lady was working.

\- A room for two, please. - Victor said in English. The lady lifted her head and when she saw two men, she froze.

I mean, she didn’t seem to think bad about it… but here is a small town after all… Actually... coming here anyone would be able to recognize me, right? Since I am famous in this city and all…

As I thought about that, I realized that the girl was looking at me more than Victor. It was unusual, so I thought it was strange and paid more attention to her. Is it Miharu from school?! No way… what an awkward situation!!!

Victor, unfortunately, noticed our embarrassment.

\- Do you two know each other? - “Do you have no common sense?!” I thought.  
\- I-I… hmm… - I couldn’t come up with a proper answer.  
\- We went to the same high school. - she decided to say timidly on my behalf. “Now that you understand, let’s go!” I begged in my head and gave him a sign.  
\- Oh! A pleasure to meet you, I am Victor Nikiforov! - “Why are you introducing yourself for?!”.  
\- N-nice to meet you… I am Miharu Shirogawa… - she answered in a very troubled tone. - I-is room 202 good for you? - she asked nicely.  
\- Y-yes, thank you very much. - I quickly took the keys from her hand. - Let’s go, Victor. I am sorry about that. - I apologized to Miharu.  
\- D-don’t mind! - she said shyly.

When I finally closed the door behind me, I angrily turned to Victor.

\- What is wrong with you?! Maybe… - I gave a pause and looked to his lightly colored eyes, that almost seemed pure. - … I will have to punish you. - I said half joking.

But his "turned on" reaction wasn’t joking at all. I threw him on the bed and held both his hands, he looked even more aroused. I licked his ear and he moaned loudly.

\- Hey… you know that even if here isn’t a Japanese house, the walls aren’t very thick. - I complained.  
\- So kiss me all the time~ - He said with a dirty face.

I obeyed and started to open his shirt with one hand still holding both of his. But he couldn’t keep in and moaned louder than before.

\- Can’t you keep your voice down? - I supplicated desperately.  
\- I am sorry… - he said in a soft voice and a begging face asking for more.  
\- If you keep this up, next time I will do you in the woods. - I threatened him seductively.  
\- S-such a wolf! - he laughed a bit but was breathing heavily.

I never knew Victor was such a masochist…

… neither that I was such a sadist.


	60. 59 - Yuri's Diary

After exhausting ourselves, Victor fell asleep. I went out since I was really anxious. I passed again in front of Miharu, we greeted each other with a small bow. I stopped at the street and thought about my relationship with Victor. We didn’t officialize anything, things just flowed to the way they are. I remembered our families asking when I would confess properly to him… But I just don’t know how to say it. Do I love, Victor?

So stupid, of course, I do. I can’t help but be happy for every small victory he achieves with Irina. I think about him all the time, and doesn’t matter how much time I pass with him, I never get sick of it… Sometimes I love him so much that it hurts and makes me want to cry. Sometimes I picture myself building a family with him. A family that he won’t be apart from…

I am getting really ahead of myself… I am not even able to ask him out yet. I didn’t have a single title like him. And I am even in the way of his career, ain’t I? I sighed.

………

I am happy that I didn’t cross paths with Phichit. And I hope we’ve done less noise than before…

The memories of our hot moments made me blush. He has the power to wake different sides of me that not even I knew. I… just love him so much.

I bit my lip and tried to think about a present to our sisters. Then my phone rang with a message. It was from Victor:

“I woke up and you weren’t by my side…” I held my breath since he was still typing.

“It’s cold without you here…” I blushed and a warm feeling filled my heart. I felt like a teenager.

“I am coming back.” I replied.

“Okay! See you soon, my love ♡” I couldn’t help, but smile.

Victor makes me so happy. I will do my best so I can make him the happiest man like the one I already am, thanks to him.


	61. 60

Next morning, Yuu and brother arrived with presents for us. We glared at them, but couldn’t resist our curiosity.

Yuu offered his apology to us sincerely and handled to us a small box each. Mari present was a small bottle of perfume.

\- Ohh~ My favorite smell in all world! They didn’t sell more of this how did you get it? - she couldn’t hide the excitement from her voice and gave a huge slap in his back.  
\- I found abroad, happy that you liked it. - Yuu smiled earnestly. His sister made a last effort to remain mad, but in the end, jumped and hugged him.

Inside mine was a pair of black butterfly earrings. I got really surprised to see that. How did he realise that I would like something like that?

\- How… - I didn’t know how to ask him.  
\- I know you like dark colors… and I thought it suited you. - I felt my heart ache. Man, he is SO sweet!  
\- …. Yuu's presents are dangerous for the heart, brother… - I said troubled.  
\- Hmm… are they? - seemed as he still didn’t receive one.

Then Victor gave Mari his present. It was an expensive Sake. Even if it were rather a predictable present, she got happy anyway.

\- Forgiven! - she smiled boyishly.

When I was going to pick mine, Victor lifted his arm, putting the present out of my reach. Then he took my hand and pulled me out of the house.

\- Let’s go to the park from yesterday.  
\- I… eh? - I looked to Yuu searching for answers. He made a sorry expression. I just sighed and went along. 

We sat on a bench.

\- This is for my best and only family. - he put the box on my lap.  
\- “Only” for now…  
\- I am also hoping for more with Yuuri, but… I don’t want to pressure him. - he looked serious.  
\- Right… - I decided to let them go on their rhythm.

So my attention went back to the box. It was rather big, more or less 20cm³ (it is strange to estimate like that? Don’t know). It was blue with white stripes. I looked at it in different angles puzzled. What comes in boxes this big?

I looked at him.

\- Why don’t you open to discover? - he said with his head rested in an arm.

\- I looked back to the box and opened. When I saw what was inside, I just started crying. I covered my face with a hand.

\- Did you like it? - he asked. I just managed to nod.

Seeing that I wasn’t calming down and didn’t move, he got closer and said:

\- I love you, Irina.  
\- I know… - I sobbed. I took the hand out of my face and put it in his cheek hesitantly. He smiled and hugged me. I cried a bit more and he tightened his embrace.

In my ear, he sang “You’ll be in my heart” from Tarzan, my favorite childhood movie. He didn’t sing particularly well, but… he meant every word. When he released me he was a bit shy.

\- So even you get shy? - I provoked him.  
\- Of course. - he laughed.

Then I took my present out of its box. It was a globe.

\- You remembered even the color…  
\- Yes...

“Brother, let’s travel around the world?”  
“Yes, let’s.”  
“Can we go right now?”  
“Now, is a bit… wait for when you get a bit older, okay?”  
“...Do you promise we will?”  
“I promise.”

I lifted it in front of my face, I still can’t believe it.

“When we go can we have a globe?”  
“Haha, won’t be a map be more useful?”  
“No! I want a globe! With the oceans black and the countries white!”

I turned it in my hands a few times. The pain in my chest growing.

“How strange, Irina…”  
“But this way I could paint the countries we visit! I will draw a gorilla when we go where Tarzan lived!”  
“Will you?”  
“Yes! I will let you paint too!”  
“Hahaha, so generous of you!”

\- How.. how did you find it so suddenly?  
\- Wasn’t sudden. I paid for it being made for you long ago, I brought it to Japan and it was in my room all this time. I just bought the box and asked Yuuri’s mother to give me without you seeing. But you do remember this, huh?  
\- Looking at it helped...

I was without words and cried again.

\- All I do is to cry or hug you… - I complained.  
\- I am okay with that. - I laughed a bit from hearing.  
Will you paint Japan with me? - I asked smiling between tears.

He took out colored pencils from his pocket.

\- Oh, COME ON! YOU ARE TOO PERFECT!  
\- Hehe! But, Irina, Japan is too little. Can I paint Russia? - I cried a bit more and smiled more.  
\- You are a perfect brother sometimes… of course, you can.  
\- I will be even better for you. - then he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Then we stayed there painting carefully together and laughing. When we finished Victor took a selfie of us showing the present. He posted it so satisfied.

\- Are you happy, Vitya?  
\- Yes. - His expression was brighter than any other I saw in the last years.  
\- Yuu is making you happy too?  
\- More than you can imagine.  
\- Then I am happy too! - we smiled at each other.  
\- Let’s take another picture! Now I want one of us seducing the camera!  
\- WHY?  
\- Because we can. Ready? Now!

In this way, we took several photos together. After one Victor would always have an idea for another. Then my phone rang with a message from Phichit.

\- Wow! So he is sending you texts?  
\- Yes…  
\- Make a pass at him!  
\- Shut up! - I put a hand on his face pulling him far from the view of my screen.

“Where are the snow princes?”

“Melting in the sun.”

“Then maybe we should rescue you guys.”

“Don’t need. Don’t come. Don’t make me nervous.”

“Hahahaha! You say that, but you actually want to see me!”

My heart beat strongly. Hate this guy, how things ended this way?

\- Let’s go back? - I sighed and said.  
\- Phichit arrived? So let’s.


	62. 61

\- But say, Irina… Phichit doesn’t seem gay at all.  
\- … That is true…  
\- I think Yuuri is wrong.  
\- ……………. Don’t know if I should hope to.  
\- What? Why not?  
\- He teases my heart too much, I won’t survive this way.  
\- Ouch… but it really is fun!

I would simply make him trip if just thinking about Phichit didn’t make me tired and excited at the same time.

We entered home and I put my present on the table.

\- Where are they?  
\- Hmm… I will see upstairs. - Victor said.

He went, I stayed put for a minute and stretched a bit. Ahh… I need a run.

\- BU!  
\- AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU… I WILL KILL YOU!  
Of course, it was Phichit if his charming laugh. How can he be so sly but have such an innocent face??

I raised my arm to push him lightly, but he held it and pulled me to him. He just smiled at me. I froze and felt my heart beating in my ears.

\- W-what are you doing?  
\- What do you think I am doing?  
\- Making me crazy. - I answered without hesitation. He threw his head backward and laughed openly.  
\- I honored you think so. - he released me and turned away, just looked me over his shoulder with his usual boyish smile.  
\- Huh? What this means?!

He left and I just kept thinking "what the hell was that for"… And yesterday? What was that too??? I put both hands on my face and sighed heavily.

\- Oh my, kid, you are going to get old fast with that much stress. - Hiroko appeared.  
\- Well, I am eternally stressed since I was four.  
\- That is no good! Phichit told me just a moment ago that you liked the sacred tree of that temple.  
\- Eh?  
\- Why don’t you go there again and relax? The boys can manage themselves alone.  
\- Maybe I should…  
\- Wait a bit, I will go with you.  
\- What?  
\- Darling! I will leave for a while, take care of things! - Hiroko screamed to the house.

Hiroko talked to the three skaters and they understood. We walked chatting about small stuff and reached the tree. It is really impressive somehow…

\- You know, Irina, people say that they are born with a purpose. But I disagree. I don’t think my purpose in life was to work in onsen all my life. Neither I think it was destiny that made me marry Toshiba and have two sons.

I looked at her and she was calmly looking to the tree. I looked back at it again.

\- I believe we build all of it. Our reason to be alive, to do our choices… are things we decide for ourselves. Those kids didn’t find a will to live in the ice. They loved it and decided that they were going to live for feeling that over and over again. A “calling”... it doesn’t happen. So don’t stress too much over what you should be doing. Just live every day at time like you are doing now. The answer will come to you eventually and you give your all at it, just like them. Okay? - she looked at me kindly.  
\- Yes! - I felt how caring this woman is and felt blessed again for having such wonderful people around me.

She asked me to go back to the stairs leading to the temple and we sat there. We watched the view of the city in silence for a while.

That tree… I wonder what I like about it… I guess I just felt something like Hiroko, a caring mother.

\- Irina?  
\- Ah, yes?  
\- You never had a mother, right?  
\- Me? No…  
\- So I will be your mother for now! Rest your head on my lap!  
\- What? I-I mean, seriously?  
\- Just accept, girl.

I did what she said, with my head in her lap, I thought about life and was strangely relaxed.

\- Is so strange how nice people keep appearing… they keep making bonds with me and taking care of me…  
\- Oh! That indeed is rare!  
\- Isn’t it?

At some point, I fell asleep. I just woke when Hiroko shook me up.

\- Let’s go pick lunch!


	63. 62

The day passed through peacefully. Phichit was going to travel to the rest of Japan later, at noon.

Two hours before his departure, he sent me:

“I missed you today.”

“You missed messing with me, you meant”

“...” Why dots?

“I am serious, Irina.” My heart raced absurdly.  
W-what is this? Do you miss me? But you don’t like me… after all, you just know me since a couple of days… Maybe he misses me as a friend? Or as a... toy? Uh.. no, he said he is serious… As a crush? NO WAY.

He is gay, Irina! Don’t forget! Yuu didn’t seem to doubt it. Don’t put your hopes too high!

I decided to not answer it, so I left it that way.

Half an hour before leaving he sent:

“... did I tease you too much?” I still didn’t want to answer, since there was no clear answer not even to me.

After 15 minutes:

“Hey… if you can take a car… come see me once more?”

What is thaaaaat? IS IT A TRAP?! Oh my… should I go? But there are only 15 minutes left... 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!


	64. 63 - Victor's Diary

Phichit is not gay, he is bi. Doesn’t matter what Yuuri thinks, there's just no way. He feels attracted to her, I can see it. I discussed it with Yuuri, but he still thinks it’s better to don’t give hopes to Irina. Can’t I just go there and ask? He already knows about her feelings anyway.

Phichit has always his eyes on her. Today, that she didn’t go with us, he was clearly less cheerful. I understand him since Irina is very beautiful and full of life. Her reactions are more exaggerated than when she was small, but even like this, she is always amazingly honest.

When Yuuri went to the bathroom and we stayed alone for a while, I asked:

\- Phichit, what do you think about my sister?  
\- ...She is fun! - he hesitated for one second.  
\- But are you just playing around with her? - I seriously asked.  
\- ………….. You know that is too soon to I talk about this with her brother?  
\- Is it?  
\- Yes. - he stood up and went to the bathroom too.

I sighed. Yuu came back clueless as always.


	65. 64 - Phichit's Diary

Just one moment that I didn’t manage to take photos either. Irina was being rather cold at me today, so it bothered me. I was going to leave… isn’t normal for her to come to say goodbye? For some reason, it kept bothering me and I ended asking her to come. It was a bit stupid since if I wanted her to come, I should have done it earlier. But she didn’t answer again… I got a bit sad and 2 minutes before the time the train was supposed to go, I was still on the platform waiting for I don’t know what. 

Then she came running in my direction. She was at full speed and was deadly serious and she is strangely beautiful doing it. She smiled at me drying the sweat and so my heart raced… a bit. With a confident and strong face she said:

\- You saw me once more. Happy? - I couldn't answer. - If you are a good boy, maybe I can go after you tomorrow.

She smiled troubled with herself. My heart raced… a bit again.

Before I answered:

\- Bye Bye! - and she ran away.


	66. 65

I ran away from Phichit after running to him… I don’t make sense, do I? I stopped in the middle of the way back and looked to the sky… Do I want this to go further or not?

“I will try… so come” he replied to me.

I leaned on a wall and stayed there for a while thinking. I sighed. Should I go? Well… I said I would… I didn’t think thoroughly…

And what is happening exactly? Why would he ask to meet me and would make an effort for getting me to travel with him?

Isn’t all this too quick?

ISN’T HE GAY?

“...”

“You better come!” he insisted.

“I will be there” I answered and sat on the ground lost.

I decided to call Chris.  
\- Hey, girl!  
\- Hey…  
\- … problems with your boy?  
\- Ugh… yes.  
\- Let me guess! He is not gay?  
\- ...doesn’t seem like he is.  
\- Well…  
\- But is difficult! I mean… he teases me all the time! My heart is all over the place! I can’t think straight! It is driving me mad! - I started spitting everything out.  
\- Hey! Hey! Relax, stalker! You are just falling for real for him…  
\- What? But I still don’t know a SINGLE THING about him!  
\- Love is not wise.  
\- So I don’t want to be in love.  
\- Don’t be like that. I get that you are afraid…  
\- I don’t like this…  
\- Hear me out. My boy is not easy for me either.  
\- I will never understand why.  
\- Shut up. The thing is, when I think of what I want to be, what I want for me, I always decide that he is not the one.  
\- But he is so nice…  
\- SHUT UP. But the thing is… even if I think like this I always end wanting him beside me anyway.  
\- ……  
\- Do you get it, sweetie?  
\- I don’t want to. What is so good about this?  
\- I am not happy in love, so I can’t answer this for you. Maybe you should ask Victor about it.  
\- But he doesn't have common sense!  
\- Anyway, in the end, the only one who can come to an answer is yourself. Go live and try to not run away from fear.  
\- ……..  
\- Irina… I know is difficult to you… but try to be brave.  
\- Sorry…  
\- … What are you sorry for?

Instead of answering I hung up. I saw that I caught people attention, so I decided to go home.


	67. 66

\- Irina, where did you go? - Victor asked me.  
\- Meet Phichit.  
\- What? - he got surprised, but I wasn’t in the mood.  
\- I will go upstairs. - I tried to pass by him.  
\- Hey! What is wrong? - he grabbed me by the arm, but I didn’t look him in the eye.  
\- Nothing is wrong. - he didn’t say anything anymore and let me go.

I went to bed and stayed up for long. I felt depressed and even if my phone rang I didn’t want to pick up. Involving myself like this is scary. I never knew loving could be so confusing. So irrational.

In the next day, I still ignored my phone. I didn’t want to go down to eat, so even if I was hungry, I preferred to be alone. In a certain moment, Yuu opened the door. I was still in bed then.

\- Irina, is Phichit hurting you? - I didn’t answer. - since he's gay, he shouldn’t play around like this!

Hearing this hurts.

\- But he isn’t the type of person to just play with people feelings. Maybe he's serious about you… - this hurts too. - but I was pretty sure he's gay…

Everything he says hurts, even if trying his best to say the right thing.

\- Anyway, don’t be so upset! If this doesn’t work out, there are tons of good guys out there. - I get tired of hearing.  
\- What is wrong with you?! You sound like you don't know what to think. What do you want to convince me of?

He didn’t answer. I probably got it right, he was really unsure.

\- Don’t come to me saying things you don’t know without even asking what is wrong with me. Get out, please.

After a minute in silence, since I kept looking to the wall, he left.

After some minutes I heard loud footsteps on the stairs. Victor brusquely opened the door.

\- There was no need to hurt, Yuu! - he said angrily but breathed slowly once. - But... never mind... you were right.

He said that and took away my sheets. When I turned to protest, he picked me up in his arms and got out carrying me.

\- What the hell, brother?!! - he carried me and put me in front of the breakfast.  
\- I'm tired of this drama. Go seduce him and make him yours. - everyone was looking at us.  
\- But, Victor, he's… - Yuu was going to protest.  
\- Don’t care. He likes her, doesn’t matter what logic you use, you can’t explain this in another way. - I blush for my love life being discussed in front of them.  
\- I don’t feel comfortable with this… - I said.  
\- With what? - Vitya asked carefully.  
\- All. Everything! Why should I be in love in the first place?  
\- Because it’s great? - he answered as a matter of fact.  
\- How so? - I was really stressed.  
\- Well… because when the person you love is happy or gives you attention you feel really blessed. - Victor said in English and Yuu blushed. - I couldn’t explain it in a more simple way. But love is so full of emotions that it's hell and paradise all together! - he smiled truly happy.  
\- Kind… masochist that, huh? - for some strange reason, Yuu blushed more. Then I remembered that shameless scream and blushed too. I sighed. - But since you seem so fulfilled, I will believe you… You will have my back, right?  
\- Always. - he said sweetly with a confident blushing face. Man, I love my brother.  
\- So, ALRIGHT! TIME FOR THE PAYBACK! - I scream motivated. Everybody laughed.  
\- Poor Phichit! He will have a hard time!! - Mari laughed out loud.  
\- Oh, he will!! - I finished eating and stood up to make my bags.  
\- Where are you going?! - Yuu asked surprised.  
\- After him!! - I said and smiled mischievously.

I prepare a small bag and pick my phone. There were missed calls from Chris… I was stupid with him… and messages from Phichit. I decided to call him instead of answering.

\- Hello? - Phichit said hesitantly.  
\- Hello, I am going now.  
\- Why you didn’t answer me?  
\- Because I was afraid of my feelings for you.  
\- Eh? What?  
\- Yeah, I like you. I am going to make you fall for me hard, just you wait right there!  
\- W-wait a minute!  
\- To late! Until then.

I hung up and called Chris.

\- CHRIS!!  
\- WHAT?  
\- I LOVE YOU!  
\- YOU BETTER LOVE! YOU SHIT FRIEND!  
\- I DO!  
\- Okay, okay. Let’s stop screaming! Don’t do that to me ever again.  
\- I won’t, I promise since you are SO perfect!  
\- … Complimenting me won’t work…  
\- Oh, but you are so beautiful, so unforgivably sexy! Such a diva! Best friend!  
\- Oh, MY GOD! SAY MORE! I mean, no! It’s enough. I forgive you.

We laughed and hung up. I said goodbye to everybody. Phichit didn’t know, but… I can be quite a nightmare too.


	68. 67

\- Phichit~

I found him and called him from behind, when he turned I was much closer than he thought. He let out a surprised sound and I laughed.

\- Let… the… games… begin! - I said with a knowing smile. Every word a step in his direction and every step I gave, he gave one step behind.   
\- Y-you are kind of scary today… - he said a bit pale.  
\- I am the type that loves revenge, you see. - I said in an innocent tone.  
\- R-really? Where your shyness went? - his voice was nervous.  
\- Oh! That? - I quickly closed the distance between us and looked deeply in his eyes. - that is why a called it a game, hehe. - I gave him a seductive smirk. He gulped.

We started walking side by side, but he was obviously anxious.

\- Hmmm… You know, I am really beautiful, ain't I?  
\- Eh?! - he blushed, already knowing what I was going to do.  
\- If I am just like Victor is difficult to be humble, right?  
\- Y-yeah…  
\- I always used a bit of charm here and there to convince people… but seducing is new, you see… - I inclined my head and looked up to him, he couldn't look back me in the eye.  
\- ……….

I stopped and held his sleeve, he stopped but didn't turn. I put an arm around his shoulders, since we had similar height, and said in his ear:

\- So tell me, how good I am at it? - he looked at me really troubled and I smiled.  
\- You are so good that my heart can't keep calm. - he said it so straightforwardly that I blushed hard and released him.  
\- HA! Right back at you! - he pointed at me and laughed.  
\- Damn! This won't be easy! - I said covering half of my face and looking away painfully.  
\- God, when you make faces like this I just want to mess more with you!~ - I blush and looked back at him mad.  
\- You know, I am not passive at all.  
\- I am noticing it… but maybe you should prove to me. - he said teasing me and turned to keep walking.  
\- Yes… - my dubious tone made him flinch. - maybe I should… - I smiled.

We met at Tokyo, Phichit wanted to know the capital and, honestly, I wanted to. We walked by the streets provoking each other from time to time, but since I was more motivated, I was winning. At some point, Phichit was frustrated, tired and red, while I was somehow relaxed observing that huge city.

\- Phichit, look at that! - I pointed out a “Maid Cafe". He didn't even look at me. - Did you even look around?  
\- How could I? You are making moves on me all the time… - I blushed a little.  
\- W-well… that's…  
\- Irina…  
\- Y-yes?  
\- I am in a living hell, but it's so fun! - “That is… kind of masochist…” - why are you looking strange at me?  
\- N-nothing… Anyway! Let's eat there? - I pointed again at the Cafe.


	69. 68

We entered and sat on a table. Was like being in another world seeing women act like maids for no reason. When we arrived and they said “welcome, master", I plainly answered “yep.”... I mean… I had maids at home. But Phichit was dazed. He didn't get what they said, but was clearly impressed.

\- Ohhhhh!!! - Phichit said at each item I translated to him of the menu.  
\- Excuse me, masters! - one maid interrupted… but she dressed slightly different.   
\- Yes?  
\- Is rude of me to interrupt this lovely moment… - I blushed. But you are SUCH A PERFECT FOREIGNER!  
\- What? - I was shocked, her tone changed to a soft obedient voice, to an obsessed one.  
\- Fair skin! Light blue eyes! Silver hair! Beautiful like a princess! - she pointed at me and energetically shouted. I exchanged looks with Phichit lost with words. - PLEASE! DRESS UP AS A MAID! Just for today!!!  
\- Whaaaaaaaaaat?? - I got surprised.  
\- Do it! - Phichit said.  
\- What? Do you understand her??  
\- No, but I know she asked you something with the word “maid”! Must be fun! - this damn boy!  
\- Come here! - she pulled me in one go, and before I realized I was already changing clothes.

What is wrong with this place?? Everybody seemed kind of obsessed with this maid’s stuff… After changing I looked at the mirror… God, that is embarrassing… I showed myself to the crazy maid.

\- OMG OMG OMG OMG! CLASSY MAIDS ARE SO GOOD!! - she said putting her hands together.  
\- So… hmm.. miss?  
\- I am the chief maid! Or a manager, if you prefer.  
\- Okay… chief, can I change back now?  
\- Not at all!!! Go serve your friend!  
\- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

In no time, they brought me back to Phichit. He was focused on taking photos of a Parfait that he ordered while I was away. In my mind, I remembered the chief maid threatening me if I didn't act as a maid.

\- Master? - I said in English. - How am I?

Phichit looked at me thoughtless and when he noticed that it was me, he froze. His hands holding the cellphone slowly turned to me and took photos too. I was obediently behaving as a maid, but he was taking PHOTOS! I took his cellphone away in fury.

\- You are… so… indecent. 

That word echoed in my head. Indecent.... indecent? ...INDECENT???!

Phichit was red and he seemed troubled and excited. I got red too.

\- Y-your parfait will melt!  
\- Oh! Y-yeah… - after a while passed with him drinking and me, without a clue about what to do, by his side. He seemed to calm down a fair bit and looked at me again. - you are so beautiful that is a crime sometimes.  
\- ……. - I just blushed hard.  
\- So… - he smirked. - can you bring me water, my… maid? - ARGH!! he is teasing me again!!! Everybody in the Cafe was looking at me.  
\- O-of course, master… - man, I will punch him to death.

I gave him the water he asked for and waited again. How much time am I supposed to be like this?

\- Maid. - annoying Phichit called again.  
\- Y-yes? - I answered uncomfortably.  
\- Can you feed me?  
\- CAN I DO WHAT?  
\- Can you feed me?  
\- CAN I DO WHAT???????

He laughed and waited with his half-eaten Parfait. Like hell I will! Or better, I will pick this spoon and make it find a way to his stomach…

While I was busy thinking about revenge, the corner of my eye saw a client ask a Maid to play a game with him. I smiled perversely.

\- Master, would like to play a game? - I acted perfectly, using my beauty against him. He dazed off a bit and agreed. 

My revenge… begins!!


	70. 69 - Phichit's Diary

Irina sat in front of me. Since she was confident, she was almost shining in those clothes.

Just imagine a jewel… like a diamond, smiling at you and asking you a favor… dressing like a maid. I just couldn't think straight.... so I didn't take many photos…

The moments I missed were:

Irina’s graceful face as a maid, while we were playing.  
Irina’s villain face when she won.  
Irina asking in return for winning that I would dress up next, but her face was smiling an honest big smile…  
Irina’s reaction when I appeared.  
Our funny discussion...

The rest I took photos without her seeing. I don't know what I am feeling, but I having so much fun…

… can I have fun without restraint? I will anyway~


	71. 70

I asked Phichit to dress up as a butler, but I didn't expect that he would look so good at it. I was speechless. He provoked me for it and we argued so much that the chief intervened.

\- A maid can't answer back her master!  
\- I am tired of it, I'm going to change… - I complained.  
\- Let's play once more?! - Phichit begged.  
\- Why?? - I was confused. But I translated Phichit’s request.  
\- Great idea! - the chief got happy. - but since both of you are fun to dress up, let's play a game that depends on luck! That way the girl can't win easily.  
\- Oh, come on! - I said putting a hand in my face and sighing.

In no time the newborn maid and butler sat on a table and decided to play five times, so a tie wasn't possible.

First game: my win.

Phichit went to dress up and came back as a black cat. I was eating curry, but when heaven came to Earth like that I stayed with the spoon in my mouth blushing and blushing and blushing.

Seriously, there is nothing more adorable than a man like him, turn cute and shy, but at the same time having a bold look in his eyes. He came close to me and:

\- Is my owner pleased? - OH MY GOD! TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL.

As my mind went blank in front of him, he chuckled a bit and lifted my chin with a finger.

\- I think that you really like this kind of thing, huh? - he looked at me as I was the prey this time. Then I put a finger on his lips and we both blushed.  
\- You have to add a “meow" when you talk… - Oh my! I am getting nervous with my own words.  
\- Alright, meow~ - HEART ATTACK.

Second game: my loss

This time he didn't choose, so I went to the room where the costumes were kept, and there were TONS of them. After a while, I picked one more or less randomly. Was a nurse costume, that thankfully hadn't such a short skirt. I came back and he choked his food.

\- Not much my style, meow… - he said anxiously. - but it's still looking good in you, meow…

My god, I won't survive this meow thing.

Third game: my loss. “#&@¥@($*@¥@¥!

\- I don't believe… I need to take off this cat costume of you right now!  
\- Oh… here is not a place for this, owner, meow...   
\- What? - I innocently asked, but he just smiled boyishly… 

“Ah!” I understood what I said and then became much redder than I already was… SHAME.

This time I went dress up one that he chose in that room. The chief handed it to me and to my surprise it was a butler costume like his first one. It was a bit adapted to fit a woman, but it was indeed masculine. But it actually, suited me pretty well.

I found Phichit as a cat waiting for me (WHAT A VISION). Phichit froze in place and was almost drooling.

\- OMG! A BUTLER AND HIS CAT!! SOOO PERFECT!!! - the chief screamed, then all the people in the cafe looked at us and got dazed.

That was when I realized that one of them soon would notice who we are. So I gave the chief enough money for the food and for the costume we were wearing, picked our clothes and flee from there pulling Phichit’s arm.

We ran for a while, until I turned to him.

\- Thank God, here everybody dresses up weirdly, but is best for us to hide!  
\- The day is ending let's go back to the hotel.


	72. 71

When we got there, still in costumes, I was already dead from shame. My clothes were weird, but not as much his. But he didn't seem to care much and even kept calling me “Owner” all the way back.

In the reception, he carefully asked for a room for me.

\- We don't have any more rooms available, but we can add a bed in yours if you like.

FREEZE.

Will I survive until the next day???

\- Phichit?  
\- Yes, meow? - PLEASE STOP.  
\- I-it's not a good idea to sleep with you… There must be another hotel-  
\- Sorry, lady. But I think there isn't anywhere really available today. The city is full since a national festival is coming up… - the receptionist answered.  
\- ………… - which song should I play on my funeral??  
\- Owner….  
\- STOP THAT! - he laughed.  
\- Irina… it will be okay, let's stop this competition for today. Trust me.

Without a choice, I decided to trust him. But my heart was beating like crazy, to the point it hurts. Just glancing at him dressed like that was unbearable. I walked with my hands on my face. We arrived at the room, I breathed deeply and undid my hair that was tied in a low ponytail. The city lights were charming and I tried to distract myself with it. I turned to talk with Phichit, but he was looking at me with difficult to read expression.

\- What is wrong? - I asked.  
\- ….Nothing.  
\- If you hide you will make me anxious.  
\- … it's just that you are too beautiful. - he said to me so seriously that I lost my breath.  
\- … I feel the same. - I gave him an awkward smile.

We started to laugh at first to ease the atmosphere, but suddenly we were laughing for real. There was so much tension that was actually funny. I had already let my bag in his room before, so we could pass this day walking freely. I opened mine to pick something to sleep with after a bath. Phichit did the same... but the silence was too heavy!

\- S-say… - I started. - we will go to Mt. Fuji tomorrow, right?  
\- Oh, yes.  
\- I hope the weather is nice then.  
\- … yes. - such a shit topic…

Silence fell again. I went to bath first, dressed long-sleeved pajamas, to be less embarrassing. When I went back to the room, Phichit was checking and posting on his social media. I sat on the bed and started taking care of my hair.

\- Irina?  
\- Y-yes!  
\- Are you having fun? - his eyes were earnest.  
\- I am… I guess...  
\- Hmmm… - he stood up and went to bath too.

I didn't know how to react so I just stayed there. I sighed and laid on the bed tired.

\- Irina? - said Phichit from the bathroom. I looked over my shoulder. - I… hmm… forgot m-my underwear… can you turn around so I can go pick it?

OH MY…


	73. 72

\- You won't turn, right?   
\- I won't.   
\- Really?  
\- I promise.

I kept laying in the bed and covered my face with a pillow, with my back turned to the door. I heard his footsteps. I was so nervous that I clenched my teeth. For some reason, it felt as his steps were getting closer to me. Unable to check, I just grasped the pillow I was holding and held my breath. Each step made me more nervous and when he stopped, I was sure, he was right by my side.

What is he doing heeeeeere???

Without a word, Phichit picked a mesh of my hair and let it pass through his fingers. My heart was making an orchestra and I just managed to ask:

\- A-and your clothes? - in the smallest voice ever.  
\- Hm? Ahhh! Shit! - he ran to his side of the room picked quickly what he needed and went back to the bathroom.

What was that? He forgot that he had forgotten his underwear? Or he just dazed off when he saw me? NO NO NO, makes no sense. I looked at the bathroom door. My heart won't let me sleep today.

After a HORRIBLE night, we traveled to see Mt. Fuji the next day. I was tired and with headache, and if yesterday I was careful to be as pretty as possible, today I couldn't care less. I dressed lightly, with a simple T-shirt full of letters and jeans. I did other messy bun and prepared a really well-thought bag with warm clothes. Phichit was simple too, but I had to intervene in his bag full of useless candy and missing things, like water.

On the train, I tried to sleep without much success. Maybe I slept for 30 minutes?

I wasn't on the mood to play around, so every time I could mess with him, I preferred to smile a kind and confident smile. Phichit didn't tease me on the way, I think he felt bad for my headache…

But at the moment we arrived at the mountain, I felt an enormous thrill. I love adventures, who doesn't?

So I took him by the hand and climbed with joy all the way.


	74. 73 - Phichit's Diary

I'm not used to writing anything… but I… well…

 

Today Irina woke up destroyed. She had a hand on her forehead every now and then. I realized that after I being pulled to touch her hair again, she couldn't relax anymore.

 

Things to know about her:

 

  * Irina is strong and weak at the same time, she gets worked up a lot to some things and not to others.



 

  * She was too beautiful all the time yesterday. When she dressed as a butler was honestly the most **exciting** thing I could EVER see, and!... I-I mean... I have tons of precious photos of that moment… 



 

In general, I wouldn't write in a paper for no reason, like this… but today… today was… different. 

 

  * Irina was all sloppy in her stress, she was even more beautiful somehow. Her displicent manner remembered me of her drunk a couple of days ago. She was quiet and moody. She complained about my bag and got saying things in Russian in a small voice all day… I hope she wasn't cursing me…



 

On the train she fell asleep for a while and rested on my shoulder, it made my heart race softly. I wished for that moment to last just a bit more, but we arrived...

 

When she saw the mountain up close, her eyes shined and she smiled in a heart shaped mouth. She pulled me and laughed. She was so stunning, I lost track of time and occupied myself on climbing and admiring her and the view. Of course, I got tired first. We sat on the ground and she untied her hair, letting it glow under the sun. For me was like she had hair made of real silver, while she passed her fingers on it, was like seeing someone do magic. She is like a crime.

 

With her eyes on the distance and her hair floating on the calm wind, I felt my heart ache. She turned to me and said that she hoped I was having fun and that we, sitting right there, would always be an important memory through her life. I rested my hand over hers, she blushed and felt awkward, but didn't move. We kept climbing slowly with hands linked, speaking softly with each other. It's funny how different she can make me feel.   
  



End file.
